I Dont Want My Son to Feel Left Out!

I also was in that situation many years ago and to tell you the truth if had it to do all over again, I'd never cause trouble between the kids and their dad. He to would not pay child support or be there for them but in the end after everything, he's better to them now then anyone could be. My secound husband loved my kids also until after we were married and after a short time he came jealous of them and started slowly treating them differant and my kids went through hell, and I always said if I had it to do again, I'd stay with they're dad until the kids were grown.

he never will from the sounds of his new family. congrats!

I would contact the father and just see if he wants any responsiblity for his child...if he doesn't, talk to your fiance about adopting him. That way, he will have the same last name before he starts school. He is missing his father now because it's a new separation, but in time "Mike" will become just as important in his life because he will be there for him daily. Zac is young. Always, always show him and tell him how much you love him and he will be fine...Pray that the Lord will work through you and "Mike" to be the parents Zac really needs!!

I have a similar situation to yours. I would HIGHLY recommend that you get the biological father's rights revoked as soon as you can! My ex came back into my son's life after 4 years of never seeing him and he will now get full visitation rights. I really don't think your son will feel ostracized as long you both treat him with love. He won't know the difference unless you make a big deal out of it. You might even keep his last name instead of taking Mike's when you get married, if you're really that worried about it. My little one kinda likes having his own name. Your 3 year old will react the same way you do about the whole situation. So, if you're comfortable with it, he will be too.

You don't have to change your name. You can keep your name and use it as the new baby's middle name so that s/he will have both parents' names.
If your son's dad can't be reached and isn't paying child support, it may be possible to have his parental rights terminated and allow Mike to adopt him. Then you caould all have Mike's last name.
Or Mike could take your last name when you get married. Then all of you would have the same last name, and your son wouldn't feel like he was being left out.

Hey M.,my name is L. and I read your note and I dont know if this will help you or not.This is what is going on with me:I have a 13 yr old daughter that lives with my ex-husband andI also have an 8 1/2 yr old that also belongs to my ex hubby.My 8 yr old lives with me and my current hubby my ex hubby doesnt have anything to do with my 8 yr old dont talk to her or sees her that was his choice.my current hubby has raised my 8 yr old as his own since she was 3 months old.She has my ex hubby last name but she goes by my hubby's last name in school and with friends and family the only thing she uses her biological father's name for is for her ins because that is what is on her birth certifiate(?) my hubby's parents claim her as their own that has been the best thing to do for me and when she gets older I will let her make that choice.I hope this helps.Congrats on ur new baby and good luck L.

M.,

You are stressing way to much about this. I have 2 sons both from different fathers and both have different last names. One is 14 and the other is 5. The 14 year-old's father comes to get him every other weekend and the 5 year old's father is a dead beat dad. My 5 year old has a little bit of an issue with me being gone and him being left with people that he is not used to (like when I put him in daycare after staying with my mom most of his life), but as far as the last name thing...it is and has never been any problem. I also have a wonderful man who loves both of my boys as if they were his own. He has 4 beautiful little girls that have an awful mother and I just try to be there for them and love all of our kids as much as I can. As long as there is love involved your baby will be ok. :) Sounds to me like you have found a good man hold on to him and don't let him go! By the way, have you ever thought about letting your new husband to be adopt your son when you get married? I don't know how the state laws are there on this issue, but in AR, if there is no monetary or physical support for 18 mo you do not have to have the father sign over their rights because it is considered abandonment.

My sister and I have different dads. My dad "adopted" my sister as his own child. He married my mom while she was pregnant with my sister. A few years later they had me. So, I would say when you get married to "Mike", get Zac's last name changed so that you will all have the same last name, and he won't feel left out.

are you new to the area? I'm 25 with a 2 1/2 year old son and new to jonesboro. My mom married twice and I love all my brother and sisters all the same. Your blessed that a man is so wonderful to your little boy dispite he's not his. Remember to show alot of love and your son will know he's not left out.

You could have Mike adopt him...I had this problem when I was a child. I never saw my father but loved the man my mom married after him as my dad. He was going to adopt me, and I loved the idea of actually being his daughter. You could just explain this to your son when he gets older and ask him what he wants. Hope it works out for you!