I Dont Know Why I Am Feeling This Way

its a huge life transition! you will get more accustomed to it. although my kids are 9 and 13 i feel i have given up the true me for my husband and kids. i can say when my youngest started kindergarten i felt like a new person, like i had been in a haze for years that finally lifted. i think if i went back to no kids i would be lonely and bored. my sisters kids are in HS and she is concerned about missing them when they go to college. Its all part of the process of life.

I was 30 when I had my first baby. So I do miss my wild life before them occasionally. I dont think I missed my life persay as I miss the freedom to just throw what I was doing, down and go where I wanted too. I miss my movie night, my bowling night. I miss being able to just drive where I want too... before I was married I was a traveler and I went to many other countries. I dont do that much, only to India where my husbands fam is from now. Other than that I dont miss it much

NOPE you are not the only one! I have had plenty of days like that. Im a SAHM to a almost 4 year old and a almost 2 year old. I have literally cried like a baby to my own mother. We were at her house one day hanging out and my son was going through alot of teething so an hour and a half into being there I knew it was time to take him home. So my mom took us home (my car had broken down) and I just started crying saying I just want to hang out with my mom...why cant I have things that I want anymore....I just want to drive in the car in peace...I just want to listen to the radio uninterrupted! I dont want big things! I just want to poop and pee by myself!!!! It is really funny to think about now...me crying like a baby to my own mother...but I meant it at the time. Even little things can help us still feel like we are ourselves. Find a small thing that you remember that you used to like to do and DO IT!!!! Be your beautiful self!

Noooooo...I never think about life before kids...the nights out with the girls, buying cute clothes, taking trips, getting haircuts and facials, exercising because I always had time to...

Nope, I like wearing pants from 5 years ago which are sometimes (ok always) covered in dog hair...I also like never having time to pee...I really love that pile of laundry that magically replensihes itself...and I am really really in love with my split ends (nothing screams "mommy" like frowsy hair).

My dh husband actually said to me the other day that I don't have a hobby because "you're not interested in anything." OMG, really?!!! Since he is really a great guy, I let it slide...but what that said to me is either 1) I am the greatest actress in the world and my whole family thinks I live to make them homemade bolognese (I do) or 2) I have completely given up (I will never)

Get yourself some "me" time Summa! I did. I got a part-time job which includes the occasional evening away...On those nights I put the John Frieda on my split ends, unpack my newest jeans, and grab a glass of pinot with my girlfriends. Yay!

Oh, and it got progressively easier as my daughter got older....On the days when I just really feel miserable, I think about the fact that I will have SOME family in my old age, and I will probably be driving them crazy ; ) Karma!!!

Hi--
No, you're not the only one.

I find your wording interesting.... "I love my son so very much and he is my everything." How can one little boy be your "everything"? No wonder you are feeling lost. I understand what you are trying to say by that statement, but really look at your words. You have turned your life into nothing but your child--everyone would feel over-whelmed by that.

Don't get my wrong---I have been known to do the same thing with my two children, particularly when they are little. You want your son to be independent and well-rounded, so loving your son also involves loving yourself enough to be an independent, well-rounded person so you can set that example for him. Love yourself enough to teach your son how to love himself. :-)

J.

I sure hope it's normal......

I think it is normal...why you have kids you make huge sacrifices for them. Maybe schedule a girls night out or get a sitter and get a few hours to your self.

Different people react differently. I had 4 kids under 5 at one time. Life was really busy. But I never missed my pre-married days. I like being married a lot better than I liked being single. My kids and my wife mean the world to me.

But different people react to the same situation differently. If you miss there just being you and your husband, then arrange for some couple time. It doesn't have to be miles away or expensive. Think about what you would like to do and arrange for a baby sitter. Then go and enjoy.

If you have $1000 you can buy a 7-day cruise for two. The cruise lines are hungry for passengers and I never seen better prices than what they are offering now.

Good luck to you and yours.

Sure, it's normal to occasionally feel that way. I think we all get a ping of that every now and then. Life was simpler pre-child(ren), that's for sure. You're only responsible for yourself and you can be as selfish as you want to be. You can sleep in, read books and magazines, exercise and go out on a spontaneous date night w/ your hubby -- just to name a few favorite old past times of mine. That being said, I wouldn't change being a parent to our daughter for ANYTHING in the world; just as you wouldn't, either.

How old is your child? I think the younger they are, the challenges are different. They are more hands-on, more all-encompassing. As they get older, you start to relax a little more because the intensive care that infants, toddlers and preschoolers need subsides. (But new challenges arise w/ grade schoolers).

Sounds like you need to carve out some more regular "me" time. Or take a little weekender trip away to relax.

I really don't know what life with out kids is like... I had my first son at 18. Second at 21, third at 22, forth at 29, fifth at 30.

But yes I wonder what my life would have been like had I not had my kids so young. I guess that's why for a couple of years I went out drinking pretty much every weekend I could and partying. I don't miss those drinking years, but I do miss going out and the adult contact. I just found my happy medium. Now I bearly ever go out.

I think its normal and alot of mom's feel this way at some point or another. I know atleast once a year I get into a rut where I really want to find myself other than just a mom or wife. I have even gotten grief when I say Im going out tonight and Im leaving my mom/ wife jeans at home and tonight Im wearing my R. jeans... tonight is all about being me not a mom or wife. On those nights my hubby and I have a great time together its almost like dating again :)

Find something to do for yourself/ by yourself, wether it be big or small... buy a couple items of something you want, get your hair done, nails done. Go for a long afternoon walk, visit some friends or family. Go to a small coffee shop/ cafe and get some pie and ice cream. Enjoy the quietness and get back in touch with yourself.

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I used to be like that when my older two were younger. I had my son when I was 20 so all my friends were having fun going to college, I was a mom. It got better once my kids started preschool and I started hanging out with other moms, then my friends have kids...

I don't think I have felt like that if 20 years now. :)

It's completely normal. Although your child should never be your best friend. You should have an adult best friend... someone you can be an adult with and a woman with and talk about adult things with without always having to be a mom. Being a mother is only part of who we are. The rest of who we are didn't magically disappear and become obsolete.

Oh Summa you are not the only one!!! When you have kids, you give them everything and there isn't much left for you. We all love our kids but there are days when you think "is this it"? Its so very normal!!! When your little one is napping do something for you. Sit on the couch and do nothing! Watch something silly on TV. Do something just for you!

I think any mom who is honest about it would say she knows the feeling. Being the mother of a young child does mean that you don't have the freedom to do whatever you want, and some things have to be put on hold for this season of your life. Just remember, it is just that - a season of your life. As your child gets older, you will be able to reclaim more of your "adult space."

Right now, though, it also sounds like you've become isolated. It's time to hook up with a network of girlfriends, and when you have a toddler, other moms with toddlers are nice to hang out with, because they "get it." You won't need to explain to them that you're 20 minutes late because the 20 month old peed out of his diaper (or on you) 2 minutes before it was time to walk out the door, or that losing a binkie is a day-crashing crisis, or that your life revolves around nap time. Look for a playgroup or moms' group in your area - when I had a 3 y.o. and a newborn, I was a member of a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group, and it saved my sanity.

I think I understand what you mean. I didn't appreciate being single and childless when I was. Now, I can see all the things I could have done and should have been doing back thing when I had the freedom to do so. I've recently started taking a language class, music lessons and writing more and being sure to focus on things that are solely mine. Those things ensure that I get out of the house a couple of times a week. My family is supportive and excited for me. It feels really good. Keep us posted on the changes you're making so we know how you're doing. Best wishes. :)

You are not the only one!. It was such a hard adjustment for me having a son at 37 and now 3yrs later when I turned 40 I am very grateful that I had such a varied and adventerous life. Missing your pre-child life isn't a sign of a bad parent or a selfish person - it's a sign that you 'lived' a different life pre-child - one you enjoyed enough to miss! Living life is very different to going through the motions day to day waiting for something better to come along.
It took me 18mths to adjust to my new life. If you have ever had a mjor move e.g across country or to a different country the common thought is it takes 2yrs - so sorry 2yrs is the norm for as major life changing experience ;-)
Just don't think you have to give up everything. Make sure you set aside time to do one thing that really makes you feel good an honor's your 'self' (as you and not a mother) every week

Girl join the club... I have 2 that are 16 months apart and on the really hard days I day dream about the days before them lol.
I wouldn't trade them in for anything, but if someone offered me a few days in my old life, heck yah I would do it :)
I am 36 with 2 under 3 years old, so I can say I had my fun and now we are on to new fun- but sure I miss the days of doing things ONLY for me.
Best advice is to make time for you.
My husband and I try to get out every few months for a date night and I also get out with friends. It is a way to reconnect with who I was and remind myself that I am more than just a mom, I am a wife and a still a woman. I am always glad to get back to my kids, but my alone time makes me better for them!
Hang in there....

Hmmm.... Not my life before kids. It wasn't worth living. :)