B.:
What do I think? I think I would love to hear his side of the story. It's always interesting when you hear what the other one has to say - kinda like the movie - The Dilemma....
You both are disrespecting each other. You are both keeping score and it needs to stop NOW, YESTERDAY, LAST WEEK.
You feel under-appreciated - he feels what? Disrespected? why? This isn't over a plastic bowl. There is much more going on.
I know I would tell Bob "never threaten anything to me that you don't plan on carrying out." We don't talk divorce..there have been a couple of times I wanted to broom him to the curb!! URGH!!! Man oh man!!! but divorce for us isn't an option.
I have been married for 14 years. It's not been all fun, wine and roses. We have had some good times, okay times and some bad times. What has kept us together through the bad times was communication - even if I said "Bob - I think you suck hind tit right now" - well, I was telling him how I felt. Was it always the most mature? Nope. When we are angry we say things in the heat of the moment.
According to your posts, last year you were going to school to do medical transcription. Now you are saying that you had a $100K a year job before kids? Why did you give it up? Why could HE stay home with the kids? Sounds like you are angry with him for not making enough money.
I don't know what life you to talked about and chose together. If this isn't it - it's time to sit down and regroup. You love animals - great. You resent him being gone from dawn to dusk and doing it all around the house. What were you expecting him to do?
Have you tried TALKING with him and telling him YOUR expectations? Shrugging him off and ignoring him? That isn't going to solve anything. You need to make a list of things you want to talk to him about...good and bad and let him air his grievances too.
Leaving him won't really solve anything. You have children together so you will ALWAYS be involved in each others lives. You need to have a "meeting" to get back on track and back on the same page. If after you guys talk and find out that this isn't working out - fine - but it truly sounds like you two have been caught up in life and haven't been paying attention to your marriage....resentment builds fast...start making your marriage a priority...tell him you expect the same from him. Get the problems out on the table and get back on the same page.
If the farming life isn't for him - what are you willing to do?
If he says "fine - go back to work - I'll stay home and take care of the kids!" Will you? Will you be able to make enough money to keep the family afloat?
What would happen if you did get a job? What do you think it would change?
Sorry this is so long - but marriage isn't easy. Please stop keeping score. Please start communicating with him....