I Desperately Need Help, Please Help Me

1. Stop beating yourself up for not being "perfect" - nobody is. You have a lot on your plate. How does hubby help out? Does he try to discipline them as well or try to step in to give you a break? Are you both on the same page as far as discipline, consequences, etc.? Can you take some time out for yourself on a regular basis? Or get someone to watch them so you can have a date night with hubby?

2. Secondly, grandparents nearby don't always add stability, and I doubt having them closer would make that much of a difference. My mother has passed away and my MIL is not really a significant part of our lives, plus she lives across the country.

3. If you think your oldest might have ADD or other kind of disorder, have her evaluated.

4. Maybe there is a "parenting coach" (kind of like a Supernanny) that can come in and evaluate the situation - sometimes another pair of eyes can notice things that you might not be aware of. Along that same vein, there is family counseling that everyone can take part in together.

5. Some books you might find helpful - "Parenting with Love and Logic" and "How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen and How to Listen So Your Kids Will Talk."

6. Again, don't blame yourself totally, but think about your own behavior and what kind of role model you might be presenting. And some people might tell you that the 1/2 ages are more of challenge.

Good luck to you, I hope you can find some answers...

If it is any consolation to you, I think that all of us moms have felt this way at one point or another. Being a mom and teaching our children to be civil human beings is a really tough job. A really tough job but really rewarding when you have those moments when everything just seems to be working in sync.

My suggestion to you would be to get the girls involved in whatever physical outlets that you can because they may have too much unstructured time on their hands and a lot of energy that needs to be burned in a more productive way. Weather permitting, take them to the park in the late afternoon so that they can hang out with some other kids and run wild and hopefully exhaust themselves by the time dinner and bedtime rolls around. Sign them up for karate, soccer, basketball or gymnastics if that's available in your area. Check your local park and rec to see what children's athletic classes that they have available or whether they have an indoor pool that the three of you can go swimming in a couple of times a week. If they really like the pool, use it is a reward that they can earn with their good behavior.

Yoga is a great physical exercize and is calming too -- for children and adults! Gaiam puts out a really great yoga DVD for kids. I think it's a yoga ABC video. Anyway, you may want to think about purchasing and doing it with your daughter's during the day. It's really great exercize.

Hope this helps. Please keep us posted on how you are doing.

Don't take offense, but are you being a bit unrealistic? I know lots of us moms, it seems like our kids are the very naughtiest and all the other kids are better behaved. Those kids in preschool are naughtier at home with their own moms and dads. Always. The ages of your kids makes them kind of at a naughty age. I have two 6 year olds and a 4 year old. The 6 year olds are twins. They were much, much naughtier than other babies that I knew when they were toddlers and a little older. I had SEVERAL people come up to me in stores and tell me that my kids were being too naughty. It was extremely embarrassing and frustrating, because for years I worked with brain damaged kids with real problems and seems to have better success with them than with my own kids.

It has nothing to do with no grandparents. It has to do with the fact that your children are at exhausting ages, and the closer in age little kids are together, the more they feed off each other. Plus, you are taking it as a personal failure whenever they are naughty. Go talk to some girlfriends that have lots of little kids that are close in age together and I bet you will feel better. I think your expectations of yourself and your kids is a bit unrealistic right now. And for heavens sakes! Hire a babysitter every once in awhile so you and your husband can go on a date!

Since you say you have three children 6 and under and work in a school with children (I did too), has it occured to you that not only are you working 24hrs a day, but you are doing the SAME thing 24hrs a day, without out a break!

You need a BREAK sista!

Imagine if your husband worked at his job doing exactly the same work 24hrs a day with out a break!!!

You need to get away from it from time to time....you need regularly scheduled breaks, go to the grocery store ALONE! Whatever errands you need to run on any given day do it when your husbands home so you can drive fast, listen to the music YOU like, FOCUS on the task at hand without doing all your other jobs at the same time. Got a sister? Schedule a once a month night/lunch out, hire a babysitter if you have to.....

I REMEMBER the crazed feeling that everything's out of control when you have 3 kids all going through different challenging phases all at the same time....especially difficult when you are ALSO taking care of other people's kids a few hours everyday.

Your desire to GET AWAY from it is normal and important! Follow that feeling, get out to dinner with your husband, something ANYTHING to get a couple hours off!

We've ALL had those crazy days, It DOES get better, you are NOT losing your mind, you WILL get through this....but you do need a break in order to be refreshed and roll up your sleeves and tackle all the issues.

Good Luck, sending you strength and sense!!

I agree with Grandma T's answer about taking time to spend one on one with each child individually so you can truly appreciate each one on her own. Also, can you figure out a way to take some time just to yourself as soon as possible? Maybe you could leave all three girls with Dad for as little as an hour where you can just get out of the house alone (e.g. window shopping, relaxing walk, etc.) and just enjoy being YOU for a bit. I know I feel so much so much better when I have just a little refresher.

(((Hugs))) to you and hope this challenging time passes quickly

you're not unperfect. you're dealing with three exhausting ages and stages so it seems like these will never end.
i get what you
re saying about grandparents: not that they bring stability, but they (in most cases) offer relief to parents, by taking one or all three with them on outings while parents get much needed break.
A few suggestions to help you break the cycle and get some time to yourself: the two young ones should still get a nap (maybe not so much for the 4 year old but if they're all out of control, then implement some sort of a naptime/rest time for the two younger ones, while the oldest gets 'quiet' time). they will resist if they haven't done this before but stick to the rule even if it means time in their bedroom(s) for 1 hr to 2 hrs a day.
when you go out, have them bring a favorite of their of the sort. for example, for my 6 year olds i let them bring either their leapsters or DS so if i am shopping or spending time somewhere where my kids don't find it exciting then i sit them somewhere close to me (including the cart) and i do my thing while they play.
at this age you can have a movie a day, something that interests all three of them, get them a snack going at that time, sit them all and have them watch a movie. since all three will be doing this, you don't need to sit and watch unless you want to get a mental break.
if you can, rotate each weekend a 2 hr outing with one (one at a time, every weekend). not all three the same weekend (that would be exhausting for you). but if you say wkn1 you get me, wkn 2, you, and 3rd is for you, they have something to look forward to. during that outing, do something that the child enjoys.
in meantime, do not call yourself an unperfect mom. you are like a million of us.
good luck
L.

Age wise you definitely have a handful to look after!
Of course you are gonna be crazed now and then!
Maybe Dad could watch 2 every now and then and let you take one
daughter out just for "special time". You can build a good, solid relationship with each one individually which will possibly result in less madness at home.
We always dont have family close at hand, I had no family close by to help either when my boys were little. This is where the friends come in.
It's overwhelming right now because they are all under the age of 7 and they are all FEMALE, lol. You are brave and probably a heck of a lot stronger than you realize! Youve made it this far, and I trust you will continue to make it. Maybe a therapist session a couple of times a month would be good for you just to be able to let it all out.
If dicipline techniques that youve been using dont seem to work, it's time to try some different strategies. I'm sure many moms here will tell you a good book to read and give you some other great ideas.
If you wake up each morning and think negative you will bring that karma out in the open. Choose to be happy and blessed that you have 3 spirited daughters that challenge you every day. Changing your perspective may help you cope better.
Prayers for strength and to see the blessing that your daughters and husband really are.

To me you sound like a mom who really truly needs a break! You need to get your perspective back and enjoy mothering again. You and your husband may need to get away for a weekend or something and you and your husband are probably due to read a good book on parenting together. I think you need to tell your husband how you feel and be just as honest as you are being right now because he needs to realize how hard this is for you and that you guys need to team up to get through. As far as you six year old goes, have you gotten her checked out for ADHD? I am sure there are lots of resources that could help you if that is the case and leaving it unresolved is just driving you crazy. If she is not ADHD she may just extremely strong willed and those kids take some extra energy and creative parenting, I know, I have one!! But they are great kids:) The thing I think you must do is sit down and realize these kids were given to you and you do have what it takes to raise them. Life has become a mess of being overwhelmed and not enjoying things so you have to take control. It sounds like you have awesome skills at caring for kids so I know you are great with your girls but having all the discipline on your shoulders all day takes it's toll. So my recommendations are 1)Tell hubby, EVERYTHING 2) Get a break at all costs 3) Read the small little pamphlet called Tempering Your Child's Tantrums by Dr. James Dobson (life saver for a strong tempered child, best $4 I ever spent!!) http://www.amazon.com/Temper-Childs-Tantrums-Pocket-Guide... 4) Get to the bottom of if you six year old is ADHD and respond accordingly 5)Square your shoulders and realize you can do this, you are not the first very unperfect mother, you are in excellent company on that point:)
Hang in there, you are at the end of your rope, but you love your girls I can see that all over your post. You will get through this and you will prevail and in the end you will be able to help someone else who is just done. I think many mothers have felt how you are feeling and that is just where you discover that you are a lot stronger than you think you are. Above all pray for yourself to have the wisdom on how to raise your girls and for your girls to grow up to fine young women. Take care, sending you lots of hugs and praying for your family!!

Good for you for seeking help. This can be quite overwhelming. If you believe your oldest has ADHD, have the doctor evaluate and if necessary medicate. I am not an advocate of medication but I have seen it work very well when the correct dose of the right medication is used. Then, don't use the ADHD as a crutch or an out for justifying bad behavior...once treated, it should not be a daily issue (may not be perfect but should help). Getting the oldest treated if necessary should help reduce the amount of chaos w/ the others as well.

Be sure to give all of them lost of love all the time and positive attention whenever they are doing what they should. Be calm but firm and consistant with discipline.

You need a break! Do not say that you cannot leave them with anyone. Yes you can! And you and your husband need a date night. Your date nights need to be at least twice a month. You need to get out of the house,(by yourself) leave your husband in charge, at least two nights a week. Once to do shopping and once to do just nothing. Go to the library or something, anything, but you need to clear your head. Even if you leave after dinner, do not come home until the kids are in bed. Talk to some girls that you work with and see if you can find a babysitter among them. If that does not work, talk to neighbors or parents of kids that they go to school with. Children behave very differently for others. Their behavior must be good in school or I'm sure you would have mentioned that. You need to stop blaming yourself. You are with kids 24/7 and so am I (I also teach preschool, use to do in-home daycare) alone time is a must for your own sanity. You will function better as a mom and as a teacher and as a wife....trust me, this, what seems to be something so simple, is exactly what you need. I am guessing that your relationship with your husband is not the best right now either....that will turn around completely once you get some time to yourself. Once your husband sees the difference, he will encourage you to leave more often! :)

two of the things that help me the most are to give the kids a break from each other, let one have a sleepover at a trusted friend or relative. if you really dont have anyone, then let them join something that gets them out for a few hours, or let hubby take one on an overnight trip or something. i know it sounds hard, but they need a break from each other, it will help. splitting up my 2 oldest for a day or 2 once a month or so helps a lot. and find a way to give each of them some one on one time with you and with your hubby. my kids are all great on their own, but together they can be a real pain, especially my oldest 2 together, they never stop fighting. try to give them a break from each other. another critical thing is physical activity, real activity, not just waiting for their turn in an organized sport or something. the organized sports are really great too, but doesnt take the place of going to the park and running. when i pick up my kids after school, i let them play on the playground every day whenever possible and for as long as possible, and i encourage them to chase each other, play tag, whatever gets them running. i make them do laps in my house sometimes! you are not very unperfect, just normal. and believe me, i feel you. and its hard to do these things when you are completely sucked dry and used up. i do all kinds of rewards and punishments too, and they do help, but i find that nothing takes the place of getting out in the air and running. or sitting down and watching them run, whichever. and as for your oldest, my son gets especially unbearable when you add sugar, not just hyper but obnoxious too. try to limit it as much as you can, it might help. no juice. oh, and as for the going out, one of the best things that i do is a kind of set-up. i go someplace (that the kids want to go to, not grocery shopping or something), and they dont know it but i am ready to leave. and when they start to act up, i tell them one more time and we are leaving, and then they act up and we leave. its so often that we threaten to leave, but we actually dont because its such a pain, we have stuff to get done, a cart full of stuff, whatever. if you actually leave and stick to your threat, it helps a lot. hmmm come to think of it, my kids are about due. they are usually pretty good out, but lately not so much. im a lot stricter out than in, so i can usually bring them out. i use the stroller too.... if you dont behave youre being strapped in, and i do it, no second chances, scream all you want. ...think of people you know whose kids are sick or who are single moms going it alone, remember that you have it good. perspective helps. best of luck to you. go for a walk by yourself and get your bearings, then get those kiddies outside running. things will get better.

i know you have a lot of info here to get through, and i'm not sure i'm adding anything new, but...

1. call your local high school. they have students who have gone through babysitting training and hire 2 - not 1 - at a time. then do your errands without your kids. so, you have the babysitters come from 4 - 6, like every Tuesday or something, and you can go to the grocery store or even get your nails done....(I suggest the high school students b/c they have a lot of energy and aren't too expensive.)

2. consider seeing a psychiatrist. not because you are crazy, but because talking to someone is awesome. it's called talk therapy and it works. Plus if you're a little "high strung" or a little depressed, like me, there are treatments that work to make things more bearable just while they're really tough.

3. This too shall pass.

Good luck!

You desperately need a break! We all do, find someone to watch your kids and give yourself a break. At the very leaste buy some earplugs and take a 20 minute bubble bath when your husband gets home. We all need some time away from our kids, especially when they're that little and demanding. It's all very normal, we all have those moments. Just take a break and breath, all will be alright!