I Could Have Knocked Her Out...

Hello M. S,

I know that you are feeling very protective of your child as you should. I would however like to offer this: If the store was as crowed as you say and you did have a double stroller, why was your child not in the stroller? I work in the public and I see everyday that people allow their children to have free reign. Yes a 19 month old will play and touch everything, and that is why they should be restrained to not do that. It is irritating and frustrating to you and those around you. The other mother is already dealing with her own child and then has to now deal with yours. It is your child, and she has not signed on to be a teacher or child care provider and should not be forced to have to tolerate the rudeness of your child. You would have done her and yourself a favor by putting your child in the stroller. You would have also taught your child that there is a time, place and way to act every where and when we are in crowded stores we do not run around and touch everything. I am not saying she was right to touch your child, and you may have seen what you wanted to see. She may not have truly pushed your child and only placed a hand on him to halt him. I have had to do that many times in public and can see how that can be seen as a push by a frustrated and overwhelmed mother, but I also have to protect my children and my space from being over ran by an out of control child.

Hello M.,
I understand your frustration, but have you ever heard the phrase " an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure?" Well if we would, a lot of times take preventive measures, it will save us a lot of hassle and frustration in the long run. You had a stroller, why wasn't your son in it? Children have to be taught how to behave. I have a 18 month old grandson, who has 2 sisters, one is 3 and the other 5, I can take them any place and not have to concern myself with how they behave (even a crowded store) because I have taught them, (don't touch). This does not excuse the woman for touching your child, but if you would teach your children it is not ok to touch things that aren't yours, it will save YOU a lot of trouble in the end.

Hi M. S,

She behaved very badly. You're right about that. There was nothing you could have done to make her take it back. There was nothing to do, period. SO what now? Breathe.

The truth is, people will sometimes be rude to our children. Some day we might unwittingly do something rude to someone else's child. The best thing you can do is talk to your babies when that happens. Calmly say something like, "Boy, that wasn't very polite of her, was it?" and add what would have been polite. If you get mad you teach your child to feel affronted. That doesn't help anyone. I think the best thing we can teach our children is to let things like that go, not allow the gift of someone's anger or impatience touch them or us. Don't accept that gift. It becomes a burden on our souls if we let it bug us. Teach him to let it go, forgive and teach him the right way to act so that he is concious of not doing those things to other people.

I know it hurts to see your baby disrespected. I just believe that if we want to live with any kind of inner peace, we have to start by not accepting the garbage other people throw at us. Don't let it bother you.

No, she should not have touched your child. I also agree that you should have had your child in the stroller. Just like you were a bit frazzled, so was she, and she had no way of knowing that your child wasn't just roaming about. I make a point of keeping my hands on my children if they are out with me. Also, I am one of those annoying parents who will stop a running child and send that child to his parents. Recently, there were boys in the grocery store climbing on top of stacks of something and jumping off. The store was fairly crowded, and I didn't see any adults showing particular concern. I was passing by, and I just stopped and got in their faces and said very quietly and firmly, "Stop doing that. Go to your parents." They stopped and went somewhere, don't know where. My point is that parents are parents no matter where we are or what's going on, and it's hard to see other kids being unruly when we're taking special care to keep ours in line and safe. Just like she didn't realize that you did have your eye on your child, you don't know what was going on from her perspective.

She still shouldn't have pushed your kid. In fact, is it possible that she didn't really shove him like you said but that you were so put-off and put-out that you were a little sensitive? Maybe she just pushed past him and it looked like a shove from your angle, because she was irritated. ...Just a thought.

Don't feel bad, any mom would have felt rage if they see their children been mistreated. But I think you did the right thing by walking away with your children, getting into an argument with another mom in front of little children would have not made you feel any better. And you might not want to hear this but maybe she was stressed and tired like you were and probably didn't realize how rude she was, we all have our moments and shopping in a crowded mall with children can be stressful,and although it is not an excuse for her behavior I'm sure you can relate, so forgive and forget resentment only harms you. That doesn't mean you shouldn't stand up for your children specially when they are so young, but in this case you probably did the best thing by keeping your cool.

Oh my gosh, I went to the mall today to and it was packed. Anyway, the mom was way wrong to push your child out of the way. This lady had no right to touch your child at all. No one has ever acted this way toward my child, but I would have felt the exact same way if they had.

I would have been upset also. Also if you see children running in stores or malls, remind them "we do not run inside, they can run outside".
I have been in retail over 30 years. When my child was young, I taught her to "look with her eyes" when we were in stores or places we did not live. Even in gardens I would ask her to just look. She was to ask permission to touch anything and then I would either hold the item or have her touch it "soft and gentle". Sometimes, I told her "that item" was something too gentle to touch.

I also taught her if we were not holding hands, to walk with her hands behind her back. All of the kids in our neighborhood did this when we went in big groups to stores. There is no reason for a young child to touch anything without your permission. Germs are everywhere any way, so you would not want your son touching something that everyone else has been touching..