I Am Tired of Feeling like a Bad Parent...

I am guessing he is about 3 and that is perfectly normal for that age. Everything you described my 3 yr old does. (but not the candy part he isn't allowed sweets)

I totally get you on feeling like a bad parent. Some days, I feel like I'm never going to get it right!! I've never met a parent who hasn't felt like that. It's the hardest job in the world.

I agree with SCG, if he is 5 or older...you might think about taking him to a OT. I also agree Krystal H. He got his way a few times, when he threw a fit or whined. When that happens, he feels like he can do that again, and holds a bit of control over you.

You aren't a bad parent.

You've just taught your son that you will give in to his demands if he cries or whines or pitches a fit.

You need to take control back over your life and your child. No means NO. No matter how much he whines, screams or cries OR ASKS!!! My kids know that if they ask me more than twice for something I've said NO to- they lose it. They can pitch a fit and it won't change the outcome.

If he wants to sleep on the floor in HIS room - fine. Don't wage that battle.

I would take him to the Dr and have him checked for hypoglycemia and/or diabetes - especially if these "meltdowns" happen when he is needing food - this does NOT by any stretch of the means excuse his behavior.

You need to set the rules for him and everyone and if they are not followed? Punishment happens. If you are not into corporal punishment - fine - but you have to punish him - stop yelling and screaming - HE WINS ANYTIME YOU lose it and he knows it. When he does something wrong - like squeeze the shampoo - if he has an allowance - he loses it to replace what he threw out. He doesn't like that? TOO FRICKING BAD!! DO NOT waste our food or products.

Set the rules and keep them posted. Have a family meeting and set the ground rules for the home - and the consequences for those actions...both good and bad...this is NOT about bribery - if they do good things - they get good rewards - time on the DS, XBOX or whatever their favorite thing is...

DO NOT SCREAM! DO NOT YELL. The moment you do - he has "won". Take a deep breath and tell him "that is NOT how we behave"...your other kids are suffering because you give in to him. STOP. Stand your ground YOU are the parent.

If he is not behaving well in a store. Remind him of his acceptable behavior. If he fails to follow the rules, leave the store and go home. I did that ONCE for my son and he KNEW it would NOT be pretty when we got home.

We actually took all of our kids toys out of their rooms...at one point my son was being a snot nosed brat - we took EVERYTHING out with the exception of a pillow and a blanket and made him EARN his things back. Now? He knows how good he has it and knows that HIS room must be respected...

YOU CAN DO THIS.

Some days are hard.
Some days are going to be harder because you gave in more than once today. He screamed until you got him the fries. You absolutely should have stood your ground and hauled his sorry butt right out of there. I would have chucked his ice cream in the trash and left.
The pop tart - they both would have gotten in trouble -- her for interfering and being sneaky. Him for whining.
You need to be firm and consistent. You are not.
You need to set rules and stick with them. You don't.
As for bed time - stick him in there and shut the door. Take all the toys and fun things out of there. If he has a TV in his room, remove it. If you have to gate him in there, do it.
Bedrooms are for sleeping.
This kid is ruling the roost. He is dictating what he will and won't do and YOU are letting him. It's not going to get better as he gets older, it's going to get far worse.
You need to set the rules and the consequences and not deviate - ever.
YMMV
LBC

Hi B.,
First of all, you are not a bad parent. All of us H. learned from experiences, at least most of us and many things some of us have learned from our parents. We do parenting with the tools we have at the moment and it is important to keep learning that's all.
My humble opinion is that you give Alex too many choices and too many warnings and finally you always give up and follow HIS commands. the kid is demanding and you have to be very firm no matter what. You waited too much after he started asking for french fries etc., at that moment you should say "stop, no more" then if he continues the tantrum, or complaining you just take him out immediately not later.
Alex KNOWS that you eventually will give up, he already knows that you are tired of his behavior.
My kids since they are little ones know that there is NOT warning when we leave a place. I just say: "Let's go kids, time to go" and then they go immediately. I never saw them with a tantrum about that because I taught them that is just "time to go" and they know that will come back some other day (park, playground, pool, friends...etc).
My kids get rewarded for good behavior, but I DO NOT OVERDUE IT, it is not healthy it is not good, kids get used to the idea that they have to receive or get something for being "good kids" They have to learn to behave because is the way it is, because they live in a society, because is part of a normal life. Of course, there are some times when they will not behave , they are kids, but it doesn't last more than 10 min. Kids learn what you teach them, kids know when, with who to misbehave.
Keep being firm, when your son "demands" something DO NOT GIVE UP let him cry or scream, let him be mad at you...and do not give up, When he is calm take him to his room and let him know that you will not allow that kind of behavior,period. Every time he squeezes the toothpaste or dump the shampoo in the toilet, you take him right away and tell him that is not ok, and have him in a corner of the house where you can see him and let him there for several minutes, even if he fights it, and you will tell him that he will stay there until he behaves.
Something else, if your son wants to sleep on the floor, fine, don't worry...let him do it!
Yes..I am sorry but you will need to do it even when you feel he won't obey you, just do it. It is exhausting, but repetition is the key. Do not give up! you have to be in control of your kids not the opposite you can do it!

I'm sorry that you had such a rough day. Like the other moms, we all have days when we feel like the worst parent in the world. This too shall pass. You need to remember that some battles aren't worth fighting. However, you don't need to let him get his way with whining. When the whining starts at my house, the answer is automatically no. No matter what. The first few times were difficult because every child will test you. But after they realize you mean business, it gets much easier. It's so easy to give in when you're tired of fighting, or just plain tired.. but be encouraged mom... we all make the worst parent of the world list a few times.. or at least I know I have.

I think most moms have had days like that. I know I have! My son is/was like this too. He was worse at 3 but is getting a bit better now that he is 5. I had to carry him out of the playground many times when he was 2 and 3 and not listening well. Maybe your son is overtired or something--that is when I usually see the worst behavior in my house. Also when my son is overtired he gets hyper and has a really hard time settling down to sleep. Hopefully your son will have passed out watching his show by the time I have answered this. I've been known to sit outside the bedroom door and read to wait my son out when he won't go to sleep. I hope tomorrow goes better.

Oh, I just wanted to cry after reading your post. It is so hard sometimes, isn't it? Is your son 3? You have had a lot of great advice already , so I will just add that we are only human! My 3 year old will test sometimes and I will have to calm myself down and remind myself that he is 3 and I am in charge. If that means hearing much more crying, then that's what that means. DO NOT GIVE IN TO HIS DEMANDS! You might want to start by taking away the TV. Then, stand your ground, no matter how much he cries to get what he wants. Pick your battles. Keep putting him back into time out. He needs to understand CONSEQUENCES!

Yesterday, we were at Sam's Club and we got a sample of a delicious muffin. Later on as we were finishing up our shopping, my 3 yr old asked to get another sample. So we headed over there only to find that the station was already taken down. What do you think happened?? WHINING about getting more muffins. I calmly told him that we were not buying muffins, but he continued to whine and whine and........

We did not get muffins. His behavior never escalated beyond whining, but that was enough for me to NOT give him what he wanted.

We are not perfect. It is hard. Please be firm and consistent with him and he will learn. Good luck.

Some days are really hard and some kids are harder than others! I have a difficult 5 year old who has gotten SO much better, but still tries my nerves. No matter what type of fit is going to ensue, when he starts up, do whatever you originally stated (take away the ice cream or throw away the pop tarts or whatever). I know you get tired and just want to say, "SCREW IT!" It does get better though if you're firm and if you employ some empathy and listening tactics. You can still be firm and not a doormat with your kids while telling them,"Hey -I hear you. I know you've decided you want a burger and fries, but it's after lunch and we're only here for ice cream." If it escalates, "Look, I really was proud of your behavior at the store and I'm so happy we get to come have ice cream together. I'm going to be really sad and disappointed if you have a fit and spoil our good time." At that point, if he continues -throw it away and haul him out. You don't have to yell or scream (although it can be REALLY hard -I know) -just put him in his car seat or booster and say -in an even voice, "Wow -it's too bad we can't go and enjoy an ice cream. I guess I'm not going to be able to offer rewards like that any more." Next time don't -and if he mentions it, tell him since he pitched a fit and wasn't happy with the nice ice cream treat last time, that you're not offering treats and rewards like that again -he can go to the store and behave, or he loses (whatever you intend to take away for bad behavior).

In regards to bedtime and what happened -do NOT allow that! Period. Put him in his room at bedtime. Tell him it's fine if he plays, looks at books -whatever -but he MUST stay in his room unless he's sick. If he get up and turns on a tv -that tv gets unplugged and he doesn't get to watch tv for a day. Start explaining consequences to him and enforcing them EVERY time -over and over and over. It's very tiring, but you will see improvement.

How did my daughter get into your house and pose as your son?

Hugs, I'm sorry that you had such a rough day! Are most of your days like this, or was this just unusual? You don't mention how old Alex is, would a guess of 3 be about right? Is he in meltdown mode because he recently stopped napping? He may be overtired and need some nap time.
If he is having tantrums and you are giving in, the problem will just escalate. I know that sometimes if you have a screaming toddler/preschooler it may seem easier to have some peace and just let them ... but when you set a pattern like that, you'll not be doing any favors. If you're letting him watch t.v. at midnight, you are making an extremely poor parenting choice. If you have a tv in his room, get it out. No 3 year old needs his own television. "Trying" to be firm is not going to work. Give less warnings, he shouldn't need 5 different warnings about leaving, one is sufficient - and if the warnings lead to the same tantrum as no warnings, then I wouldn't bother at all! If he will wreck an entire bathroom when you are getting clothes into the dryer, have you considered ADHD or some other behavioral disability? See a child behavioral psychologist and get some help, please.

After you ar done with super nanny, can I have her?

B., first of all......you are not alone. All of us moms have tough days like this. Sometimes we all feel like giving up. I am guessing he is 3 years old. If so, I used to say, it really should be the terrible 3s!! I know you must be so tired right now. Could you lay down with him tonight just to get some sleep yourself? Just keep telling yourself that this too will pass. They get older and the issues are different. One day he'll be graduating from high school, and these tough times will be long gone. I know it's hard because you are in it right now, but just hang in there. I have two little boys, and sometimes I could pull out all my hair. They are both extremely strong-willed and the battle is on between me and them. Parenting is a tough job. Some kids are easier than others. All of them have different personalities. Hang in there, and good luck my friend. And remember.....you are not a bad parent! You are doing the best you can.

You are not a bad parent. You sound like a tired parent lol. I was in the same shoes about 10 years ago. My kids are now 29, 23, 22 and 15. the 15 yr old would have been your alex. You need to sit him down and have a discussion of house rules. Rule #1 we eat at the table at meal times / we eat what mommy gives. no discussion no screaming you eat or you go hungry til next meal and the same things will be offered. Rule #2 bed time is for sleeping/resting. If he is not tired he can lay in his room in the dark awake all night if he chooses but has to stay in his bedroom. no tv no video games etc. don't let this go as you will have a tired 10 year old failing all his classes cause he stays up all night playing video games. Rule #3 if you scream you get an immediate consequence. you figure out his currency and do it each and every time. Get the book 1,2,3 magic. It will work. My son is severe adhd he was a clone of what your discribing right now. And he had total control of all of us. couldn't go anywhere because of his behavior. but when he was being good he was an angel. When he was mad he would kick holes in the drywall. the first time my husband had a discussion with him and then fixed the wall, second time he made same help to do the work to fix the wall. third time he cracked his behind. haven't had a problem with that again since lol. We had to put a hook and eye lock on his bedroom door or he would be down the street playing in a yard at 11pm when we thought he was asleep. but thats a whole nother story lol. set the rules, set the consequences. be prepared for a few days of nonstop meltdowns until he sees it is going to be this way not his and he will follow along. And you may want to get him checked for add etc but more likely he knows if he screams and has a hissy you will give in. like you did on the fries and poptart and movie....

Some days are harder than others while doing the job of mothering. Just realize that he's at an age where he's trying to "feel" his part of being able to control certain things... he's fishing ALL the time. When you give him bait, he's gonna keep going for the bigger fish. Lots of boys are quite rambunctuous by nature I believe. I just visited my two grandsons, the 5 year old was an angel and the 7 yr old, well not so impressive this go around, his daddy was having to get on him about something every 5 minutes it seemed. He was showing out because we were there and "minding" wasnt part of the show.
It will pass. You are not a bad mom. You just have days that the kids challenge your patience to the last degree on occasion. You have to choose how you are going to handle it.
He sounds like one that shouldnt be fed sugar or carbs in the late afternoon tho.

are you sure we are not talking about my daughter ??
she is 17 months old now and has figured out..
doorknobs..
velcro..
zippers..
and she also broken my nose like three times through various toddler mishaps
she has also learned how to very quietly take my keys out of the lock, and hide my keys, while i am frantically looking for my hat that she moved off the table first.then by the time i have found my keys and hat, i discover that she has untied my shoe laces..again.
i have seriously considered velcro pajamas
K. h.

Sounds like you had a rough day. Don't know if this is with all kids, but my daughter turns into a totally differerent person if she eats anything from McDonald's. Seriously, every single time she has had McDonald's food, she would have uncontrollable tantrums to the point I don't even recognize her. It almost seems like she can't even hear me. She does not have reactions like these when she's had KFC or any other fast food. Don't know if she is just "allergic" to McDonald's but I've since heard of other parents complaining about similar reactions.
My daughter drives me nuts too about candy. She has been obsessed with candy. My husband eats a lot of junk so it doesn't help. I feel like I have to be the food police all the time. I have a young cousin who is diabetic and obese and I worry that my sweet daughter is going to turn out like that. It is such a battle these days with all these temptations around us.
Hang in there. You care about your son and you know what's right for him. That alone, is being a good parent. Implementing is the hard part. Keep trying, don't give up. Stay strong. One day, your children will thank you. :)

I don't have any advice but I am so glad you asked this/vented. Of my twins who are about to turn 3, one of them is like this. She whines, cries etc to get her way. I try to stand firm but lots of times at the end of a full day of work, errands etc, I am just too tired to fight it and let her have her way. I know its wrong and I stand firm when it involved trying to get her way instead of sister when it is sisters turn to pick the movie, book to read etc.
I often wish that I were not the bread winner in the family and could stay home with them-but other times and glad I have the 'escape' of work.
I feel like that makes me a bad parent too, but I guess we all just try to do the best we can.
Yuck, now I feel like a really bad parent! One more week of school/work them this mommy is cracking the whip! Summer will be the time to straighten this out!
Wish me luck! and lots of it to you too!

Urgh! Sounds like a really rough day :o(. I've definitely had those. How old is Alex? I'm picturing my 3 1/2 year old. Frankly if he is much older than that, and these are continuous behaviors, you might want to take him to a OT or talk to your pediatrician about it. By 5 he should certainly know how to behave and control his temper when he doesn't get what he wants.
If he is around 3-4 1/2 stay with me.... I'll usually have a day like this after we have slowly let things get out of control. Maybe friends are over a lot that week, then we travel or grandparents visit, we are off schedule, and then BOOM one day you'd think we had never set rules in the house. We use a variety of punishment including time out; spanking; lecture (which is more for the point of annoying him as much as he is us -- hehehehe). We find it more effective to mix it up. SO, when the behavior has just gotten this bad, we crack down hard with every little slip up. Then, lovingly tell him why he is in trouble, the specific behaviors that get him in trouble and how happy we are with specific good behaviors. Then, we get really cheese ridiculously excited w/ good behavior, as little as asking for something respectfully.
GOOD LUCK!

You are NOT a bad parent! cut yourself some slack!

A few things that stuck out at me in your post that are different than how I would approach this.....
My approach with my kids is that you behave because you are supposed to and if you are bad then bad things will happen. Now while in the process of being behaved little children good things will happen - sometimes, not always. When we go grocery shopping the kids each pick out a treat - popsicle etc. If they are bad at any point during the trip, they lose their treat, that's it. It's kind of like the opposite way that I see you doing it - I expect good behavior and treats and fun and if there is bad behavior then they lose it. You say "if" there is good behavior then you will get a reward. You son is learning that "if" he chooses to behave then he will get something and that you will give him something to get him to behave. He is testing his boundaries with you and seeing how much he can get from you. No more rewards for good behavior for awhile, only punishments for bad behavior. I take toys as punishment often (kids are 6 and 8). I don't "pay" my kids to be good - they just should be.
And the 10yr old should be punished for feeding him that pop tart. And no, the pop tart is NOT better than eating nothing. He thru a fit for candy and got a pop tart - not a bad "prize" for him is what he's thinking.
This will sound harsh, but I would've walked over and took the DVD and threw it in the trash and said "you get your butt in bed or that's where the rest of your stuff will end up to". It's another way of saying "I'm in charge here."

How much sugar is he eating? Ice cream, pop tarts, etc are fine once in awhile foods after a healthy meal but if he's getting a sugar high then hitting the low blood sugar blues - that is one roller coaster ride I would not enjoy with any child. When does he get a nap? I realize it varies from kid to kid but my son napped through kindergarten and he still napped on weekends through first grade. I noticed he needed longer naps if he was having a growth spurt. (His preschool teacher swore our son was waking up from his nap taller than he was that same morning - he grew 4 inches that year.) Over tired along with blood sugar issues is a fine recipe for tantrums.
If your 10 yr old is handing out the treats as a quick fix, sorry but you can't be having the stuff in the house.
Make sure the child is well rested and well fed before outings and have some healthy snacks available (raisins, carrot sticks, grapes, nuts, Cheerios, etc) if it's going to be a long time between meals. Little kids have small stomachs (the size of their fist). They don't eat much at one sitting and they are growing, so they get hungry again faster than you or me.
Also, be prepared to cut an outing short or cancel it if you can see you are heading for trouble. When the cranky whiny behavior starts - it's time to go home - before it escalates into full blown screaming.
My son was never one for wandering the house at night. If he woke up he made a beeline to find me in my bed and he never turned on the tv or anything else, so I'm not sure what you can do to keep him in his room.
Even with managing diet and naps, sometimes there's just no dodging that occasional meltdown.