I Am Such a Lousy Mom

Following lousy directions doesn't make YOU lousy.

Hugs.

2nding a tapdance : "You know sweetheart... I was thinking; Maybe that's the ONLY present from Santa the Rapunzel doll girl gets. He'd need to give her something special if that's the only one. Sometimes people's parents only let Santa come once so their kids don't get greedy. We're pretty lucky YOU don't have a problem being happy & sharing so Santa gets to give you gifts on Xmas, too."

They really should have a dollar limit on it. When my husbands work did this they said to spend $10. I would just tell her that Santa was just saving her real gift for later.

"No, sweetie, Santa thinks you're very special because he's saving your BIG gift for when he visits on Christmas Eve."

Addition: To Popmom and Amanda
I am SOOOO sorry that my post was misunderstood - I in no way meant to make it sound like your 5 year old was rude. (Still trying to find your feeling that in my post.) Using this as a teachable moment to explain that we are always grateful for a present, no matter what the cost does not mean that a child was rude. Regardless of how my children act when they receive a present, if we see this kind of disparity, I always talk about this to them. They are teens now, and I'm grateful I have. Seeing wealthy neighbors give their kids BMW's and small Mercedes is not hard on them now because I have had this talk with them for many years.

I did not know that Santa was at the party - you had not said. I'm sorry your child was hurt. I am all for letting kids keep believing the magic of Santa, and it seems that given Santa was there, you were caught between a rock and a hard place - you did nothing wrong. I would not have mentioned that the gift was from you, given that Santa was there.

Original:
You really do need to talk to your 5 year old about understanding the difference in "Santa" gifts and gifts from Mom. Santa gives gifts for under the tree on Christmas morning, not at the neighbor's. Tell her the instructions you got and that the other moms evidently decided to ignore those instructions.

THEN, Popmom, have a talk with your daughter about the way she talked to you. It is a teachable moment you should not lose to explain to her that ANY gift she receives should be appreciated, no matter how small. You say you are a lousy mom because of the small gift - that's ridiculous. What would make you a lousy mom would be if you let your daughter grow up to think that she is "entitled" to gifts of some magnitude. How would you feel if she said this to someone else? Awful, really. So teach her how to act when given a gift. Every time she is given something, every time.

All my best!
Dawn

Why don't you have Santa write her a note and leave ot on top of her gifts on Christmas morning. It can say:

Dear___

So sorry about the socks the other day. I meant to bring you a "fill in the blank" but, Santa left it back in the workshop. I guess even Santa makes mistakes. But I hope that you like the socks, anyway.

Enjoy your toys and don't forget to be a good girl all year long.

Your friend,
Santa Claus

Or something like that. She's five - it's a magical year and a letter like that will be magical as well. Plus, she will see that all people make mistakes.

Popmom don't listen to Dawn, she isn't really helping the situation. Your daughter is almost 5. I am sure that she wasn't rude just a little bummed she didn't get a gift like the others. Maybe you could tell her those socks were made especially for her and that the other girls would be jealous of that, so Santa made sure to give her those special socks. A 5 year old doesn't understand the functions of giving or receiving gifts yet. Don't beat yourself up over it. And Dawn a 5 year old isn't going to understand the "instructions" of Santa and a neighbor, that's taking the fun out of Christmas and basically telling her Santa isn't real. Popmom I am sure you are one heck of a mom, I hope you and your family a great Christmas. My family and I are wishing you a wonderful Christmas and happy holiday's all the way from South Korea. :)

Happy Holidays!!!

You did the right thing with the information you were given. Had you known some of the other moms there you would have been more clued in as to what they were bringing for their kids. This was just one of those challenging moments that becomes a character builder for you and daughter. "Santa thought you would love those socks, but maybe he isnt ALWAYS right when he guesses, he doesnt know you as well as mom and dad do and I'm sure he's leaving you something more special under our tree at home". Basically, it's a reminder to always be prepared for life's little disappointments, and that "materialism" can become a huge issue even for small children if they are taught to envy others rather than to be thankful for what they have. Good conversation starter for that lesson is what I glean from that incident.

I just have to say, that was a poorly planned church event! You are in no way a lousy mom... I feel for you :(

I have an idea. Tell her Santa loves her very much and gives each child one big gift and he did not know what she wanted yet. Tell her some children will get their big gift on Christmas morning and some got their gift at that church. Help her write Santa a letter. Then she will open her big gift on Christmas.

You aren't a lousy mom. Don't allow your 5 year old to make you feel guilty over something that isn't your fault. I hate when other parents don't follow the rules and go over the top on things. How could you have known?
I would just let it go. If she brings it up again, remind her that Christmas hasn't come yet and most kids get their big Santa gift on Christmas, if you'll be doing that. Or else, and this may not be a popular answer, tell her the truth. Let her know that the gifts given at this event were not Santa's real gifts, that he only gives his real gifts on Christmas and that the parents were told to bring a $5 item for Santa to give their kids ahead of time, and that you followed the rule and the other parents didn't.
Good luck and hugs, I am sorry you had this experience and your daughter was disappointed because of it.

sounds like a lousy event, not a lousy mom. it's hard to figure out what's expected when everyone else is familiar with the routine and you're not. it would have been worse had it been the other way around, everyone else got modest (SENSIBLE!) gifts and you gave a big extravagant one and everyone thought you and your daughter were show-offs!
those other girls weren't being awful. what is awful about being excited about their gifts? your daughter's disappointment is a terrible shame, but no one's fault and certainly not the responsibility of the other littles there to mitigate.
no one gets through childhood without some hurt. it's never fun for the parents when it happens. but you are her mother and have the absolute power to turn this to something useful, even if it's not a fun memory. i love riley's suggestion to tell her that the girls who got something *big* may very well not be getting anything else, so santa is so wonderful to make sure they have a gift they love, while your daughter's will arrive on christmas. it can be a great jumping off point for an age-appropriate discussion on money and family values. it can be treated with humor (santa's just like me! he loves your little piggies SO much that all he could think about was keeping them warm for me to nosh on 'em! NOM NOM NOM!!!')
but if you dwell on the awfulness and disappointment, that's what she'll take from it.
khairete
S.

Awwww...no way you are a lousy mama! ((hug))

Oh I don't mean to laugh, but I had to because this just happened to me at my son's school Christmas Party. The note said to bring in a gift and the limit was $15. I brought in a pair of 3D Toy Story Binoculars for my son which I thought were pretty cool, but you should've seen some of the things the other kids were opening. One little boy got a huge box of all kinds of construction vehicles that my son was bawling his eyes out over....It's $30 at Target. I can't stand when parents don't follow the rules.

Don't beat yourself up over it...I just told my son that Santa is saving the really cool gifts for Christmas.
Lynsey

You know, I feel like laughing and crying, because years ago, WE got slipper socks, etc, you know the rest of the story. We STILL joke with my mother about it. But you know what? My parents were following the guidelines, and it was really okay. We felt slighted for a minute.
My parents were notoriously practical (maybe you are not), and Santa was only a little extravagant. Getting the slipper socks when others got fancier items was bewildering at first, but it was within the framework of what we knew, so it made sense quickly. I don't know how to advise you, but I will bet your daughter is already better at appreciating what she has than the other kids whose parents indulge too much and can't even follow a simple guideline. Don't beat yourself up. Try anyway :)

Oh, you are NOT a lousy Mom! You are a good mom. The lousy ones are the parents who KNEW this would happen because they had been to the event before. Not fair that they didnt follow the rules. So please, do NOT feel bad. You can make this up with your daughter. I highly recommend the advice someone else gave about a note and an extra gift somewhere explaining it. That way, she may have felt bad at the time, but she will feel EXTRA special about it when she learns that Santa made a mistake. But dont punish yourself for someone else's bad judgement! Have a very Merry Christmas and enjoy yourself and your kids! I hope that Santa is good to YOU too!

Your not a lousy mom!! Aww, don't feel bad. Look at the bright side. Now her feet will be warm...lol

Don't be hard on yourself.......

BIG HUGS

Is it too late to put a gift in the car or in her room and act like Santa wanted her to have it but couldn't find it. No one is perfect, this way she thinks she got two gifts socks and a nice toy. Or you could say he did not want the other kids to see she got two. My daughter is 8 yrs old she would think it was true. I hope this helps. :)

You didn't get good directions so don't blame yourself on this one. You've gotten good advice on how to spin this disappointment. On the other hand can you think of some under $10 gift that your daughter would be reasonably happy about? My son is almost 5 and he is all about toys. A small toy of a kind he already collects would make him pretty happy--in his case a Car movie car, very small Lego item, package of Matchbox cars, etc. Sometimes if you know your child well you can get bigger impact for not too much $ with a carefully chosen toy. I'm sorry you had to watch you child so publicly disappointed though.

Oh, I wish I had advice for you. I feel for you--but you are NOT a lousy mom! How could you have possibly known? You said the woman who invited you is elderly--sounds like this is probably a generational difference--a small gift is what most parents in her generation would give/get. I would have done the same thing as you--and personally, I think many parents can be too excessive--after all, it's still not Christmas, why do they need to give huge gifts ahead of time for a Santa visit? Just wanted to say that, and let you know you're not awful.

You are in no way a lousy mom!!!! Some people just choose to go against the grain and do what they want in reference to the presents---you were following the instructions that the lady told you. Don't worry! Reassure your daughter and tell her that Santa must have something super special that only she could see-- the other kids would be too jealous and its too big/heavy to fit through the door etc. Whatever you want to say to make her feel that the gift was exclusively for her but Santa couldn't bring a big one and make the other kids jealous. Catch my drift? Hope this helps and stop beating yourself up about this.

M

You are not a lousy mom. The girls were just excited about their gifts. Be careful not to turn feeling embarrassed for yourself into bitterness at the little girls or the building you were in when it happened.

Christmas is about Christ - not Santa, anyways. She is going to find out Santa is not real - but Christ is - and will always love her no matter what.