I Am So Angry!

Just tell M. you give her beer and vodka instead. See what she thinks of that. Be glad she lives across the country too.. (o:

I'm sorry she is being a jerk. You are doing a great thing! Keep it up and go to supportive people for support. She' not fitting the bill. That was WAY out of line and wrong of her to say. You're keeping her granddaughter healthy and she is insulting you. Breathe in and out and ignore her. Hang in there!

She needs to agree to disagree.
My MIL is 70 and can not do this.
She is right about everything in spite all evidence to the contrary and a room full of people confronting her.
When MIL brings up certain topics that are off limits, I switch the subject and talk over her. If she keeps it up, I tell her the conversation is over and we leave or hang up. You have to do it a couple of times to be effective.

She's allowed her opinion, and you're allowed to not take accept it. You feel you are doing what is best for YOUR child, and you don't parent by committee. YOU are the parent. What you say, goes.

So, how's the weather, mom?

You rock. And you keep doing it. You do not owe ANYBODY any explanations for what you are doing. Your daughter will benefit from this and YOU know what is best for YOUR daughter.

No, you do not need her support. Your husband is all the support you need. Any time the subject comes up, just change it. It's not worth the stress. (I'm so sorry you have to deal with this, and I'm sorry that you can't cut and past my response because it's not very respectful toward your mom!) :)

You are not sick. This is sooo normal. I was unable to breastfeed, but I am so supportive of those who do. It is recommended that you breastfeed for two years, so there is nothing "sick" about this!!!

I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this...

You are doing exactly what your daughter needs which is wonderful. Your mom does not get it and that is the way it is. My answer when I was nursing a toddler and people asked me how long I was going to nurse was: "I guess I'll have to wean her before she starts school or she will have to come home for lunch."

Stop trying to educate and convince her, she is determined not to understand. Either don't answer her or give a silly response. Don't let her or anyone else make you feel bad for doing the best for your child.

From what I understand, most children in the entire world nurse until age 3 or 4 yrs old.

It's not for me, b/c honestly I was ready at 12 months to be free from the responsibility of breastfeeding (and managing my wine-intake). But it sounds like you've done your research on this and are doing the best thing for your daughter and her health. It's a shame that you don't have the support of everyone who loves you.

But heck, your milk is:
- free
- healthy
- accessible
- free
- healthy
- free
- natural (not formula or horomone-infused cows milk)
- gives your daughter antibodies (right? It's been a while since I've BFed)
- shoot: people pay money per ounce for the stuff! If I hadn't dried up months ago I may be in the breastmilk business!

I hope your Mom can support you and stop making you feel bad for doing what you think is best for your family. Give your husband a hug and tell him Thanks for his support. He sounds like a great guy.

I wouldn't even engage your mother with a response. You're just feeding into this if you do. When she brings it up, have a line that you repeat over and over with no emotion. Something like "you know that our opinions differ and this isn't open for discussion. If you'd like to talk about something else I'd love to continue our chat but otherwise, I'm hanging up now." And then do it.

There is no point to wasting your time or emotional energy on this. You know you're right, you know she'll never see your side so why bother?

So sorry you are dealing with this! You are working doubly hard to do what's best for your daughter.

My advice is this: Tell your mother that you are doing what you think is best and that her "advice" is hurting you. Tell her that you know she is entitled to her opinion, but to respect you by not mentioning it again.

My husband is currently doing this with his mother. She is really hurting our family and we asked her to respect us by not mentioning "it" to our family again. Her opinion is her opinion, but she doesn't need to keep sharing it and driving a larger wedge between her and us.

Blessings on you! I hope your mom honors you by no longer tearing you down. You are not "sick", you are AWESOME!!!!!

I totally think you are doing the right thing.... sorry you aren't getting the support you want from your mom. But if she won't listen to you.... can you get some advice from your pediatrician? Gee mom you are entitled to your opinion, but our pediatrician says....

My whole family must be sick, since my mom nursed all of us. I must be a total freak since I actually remember nursing when I was three. Yes all of us kids, who are now doctors, engineers, and teachers, we are all perverse because were were nursed as toddlers. Not!

Your mom must be a fan of Freud or something. When you look at other primates, or more traditional cultures, the kiddos are nursed well past infancy. When you are digging up scientific facts to send to your mom, make sure to find the info on how breastmilk changes consistency during toddlerhood to provide more immunological benefit. And how extended nursing helps reduce incidence of food intolerances and allergies. Good luck & good job momma!

I'm sorry :-(

I nursed my daughter with multiple food allergies until she was two. I didn't want to put her on soy and frankly, she wasn't ready to ween until she was two.

I often felt judged, even from family.... The best response I came up with was just to say that this is what our pediatritian recommended. That usually shut people up.

However, since this is your Mom you might want to add that her comments are starting to hurt your feelings.

Good luck.

I am sorry you don't have support from one of the people who should be supporting you the most. In my opinion, if she does this almost every time you speak then you need to be firm and tell her that you're not going to discuss this with her anymore. If she does bring it up again, either ignore her or tell her you need to end the conversation.

There is no reason this should be a battle. You are doing what is best for your child. I'm sure your doc probably supports you and that's all she needs to know.

Shoot. It is tough to not receive approval and validation from the people we love.

Can I offer you a suggestion?

You know your decision is best for your daughter and you. You know how much love and time it takes to treat your daughter's condition, that the strict diet you are on is no fun, that seeing your daughter sick hurts your heart. You've received information from your pediatrician, you've done your research, you've advocated for your daughter's health.

Your mother, I'm sure, recognizes how much you love and care about your daughter and, more than likely, she feels that way about you and her grandchild as well.

Your issue, I hope, is not how she feels when you bring up you are breastfeeding your child. It's pointless to try an argue with someones feelings. We make our own feelings, but usually we don't have much control about how we are feeling.

We do though, have a choice about what to do with our feelings. If we're informing our choices by our feelings only, we can create dangerous/hurtful/messy situations. Your mother has called you a name, made sweeping statements, and has pressured you to go against doctor's orders and your mother's intuition without verbally recognizing the degree of importance this has to you. THAT is something that you don't like, something you have big feelings around.

So, rather than change her mind (it's really difficult to change another's mind when they aren't willing), why not create some boundaries:

"Mom, I can appreciate that you feel worried about Jane's health and that you are not comfortable with breastfeeding, especially when the child isn't an infant any longer.

I am comfortable breastfeeding and Jane's pediatrician recommended I continue to do so. I feel sad and angry when you criticize my choice. You get to have different ideas and feelings. I don't like when you insult me (calling me sick) or attempt to convince me to contradict medical advise and my own research. I would like you to keep your feelings and ideas about my decision private / not verbally critique my choice / etc. Are you willing to ________(keep your feelings and ideas about my decision private / not verbally critique my choice / etc.)?"

Perhaps you could offer to send her material, if she would like to better understand your perspective and decision.

Hugs, I am so sorry. If she asks that again, you can say, "Of course I'm still nursing, the World Health Organization" recommends doing it for a minimum of two years."
I'm sorry that she cannot be supportive or at least keep her mouth shut even if she doesn't agree with your choice. I applaud your choice to do extended nursing.
When I had my 2nd baby ( I didn't bf the first ), my mother (who had breastfed 3 out of her 4 kids and her other 5 grandkids were breastfed) would ask me every single week, "So are you still nursing?" She did this for months. Eventually I did have to tell her very firmly that I wasn't planning on stopping til at least one year and she didn't have to ask every week, I wasnt' going to suddenly drop it when it was going perfectly well.
Good luck! You're doing a great thing for your toddler, especially with her health issues.

Oh Girl!! I'm sosssssoooooooooo sorry!! My mom cheered me on for being able to nurse!!! She had inverted nipples and wwwwwwaaaaayyy back then - they didn't know how to fix them so my mother never got to nurse any of us.

My MIL - LOVED that I was able to nurse Greg for so long - yeah - it seems like a long time - but guess what? I was still producing milk and it was better for him than anything I could buy in a store!!!

YOU GO!!! I nursed Greg until he was 26 months old!!! Nicky self-weaned when he was 1 year old - I wasn't ready to give up. But he was done. Really - woke up and refused the breast and went to the sippy cup. I was devastated!! :(

Can I say something snarky? Tell your mother to pound sand!! She must be jealous that you can do it for as long as you have!! YOU GO MAMA!!!!

Used to drive me nuts when my parents would joke about how I was going to be the mom with an 8 year old and still nursing. I never had any intention of nursing until he was 8...but I nursed til he was 13 months old. At that point he only nursed at night and maybe nap time.

I only stopped at 13 months old because I was going back to work and well...we didn't really "want" to do it any longer.

I would just always say back to them..."well it's good thing they're not your boobs"...I wish people would just freaking mind their own business.

Send her the link to a story/video about one of those women who breastfeed their 8 year old boys and tell her that, after your thorough research, you have decided to take this approach ;)

I nursed till my son was 2.5 years old - that's 30 months (LOL). Try to remember that she grew up at a time where it was supposedly "healthier" to use formula, thanks to formula company marketing campaigns. There is a generation that just doesn't get it and is kinda freaked out by it. Here is a link to the World Health Organization's info and recommendations about breastfeeding, specifically referencing recommendations to BF up to 2 years and beyond. http://www.who.int/mediacentre/events/annual/world_breast...

Mom needs to back off - it's fine if it's not her thing, but if she can't say anything nice, then she shouldn't say anything at all.

Mom, butt out!!! I am the Mother and you are the Grandmother. I have researched her dietary needs and I feel this is best for her.

I breastfed my daughter now 25 for almost 2 yrs. About a year ago she was diagnosed with Celiac Disease and her doctor told her that it was a good thing I did breastfeed that long it probably helped her to not have severe symtoms until the past couple of years.

Some people feel their opinion is the only correct one and if you disagree then they somehow feel belittled. You could try the economic response, that this way her food is always available at just the right temperature for free! I would also think the she would understand celiac disease argument - if you have to cook for her you will be busy preparing special foods all the time, this way you have more free time, not less.
Does she say why she thinks you should stop nursing? Is she concerned that it is too much for you, or does she feel it is "unseemly" to nurse a 22 month old? I had a friend who occasionally still nursed her 5 year old which I must admit I found a little weird.

Simple: She's entitled to her opinion on how to raise kids and you are entitled to yours. Don't let her bully you. If she doesn't like it--tough. This is your daughter and you are doing what is BEST for YOUR daughter. A mother always knows what's best for HER baby.

You rock! Keep it up for as long you two enjoy it. I nursed my first for 24 months and my second for 30 months. I researched the heck out of nursing and learned it was the best thing I could do for my kids. (the fat in breast milk is exactly what a growing brain needs - go figure!) There was no reason to stop at one year, or even two. In addition to the bonding, I have two very secure, confident little guys and I'm sure a lot of that has to do with the nursing. There were times when they were sick with colds or fevers and would only nurse - no other fluids or food. I was so glad we had nursing to fall back on. With the added complication of Celiac disease (I applaud your early diagnosis, btw - I have three friends who were diagnosed as young adults, after much damage and scarring to their intestines) your daughter is so lucky to have nursing for added nutrition. What an incredible gift you are giving your daughter.

As for your mother, it sounds like you need to set some boundaries. What about telling her that you've done your research and are doing what is best for your daughter, and you're asking her to support. Tell her that her questions about nursing don't feel supportive, and what would be more helpful is that she applaud your efforts. If she can't bring herself to do that, then to please stop bringing it up. Then, if she does it again, remind her that her comments aren't helping and are actually hurtful and could we please change the subject. She'll get the picture - and if she doesn't, let her calls go to voice mail. You don't need someone questioning your (excellent) parenting.

Your Mom lives across the country.
She only knows what you tell her.
Just tell her you weaned your daughter and keep nursing till you're both ready to stop.
It's not really any of your Mom's business.

How annoying. Just keep on ignoring her. I think sending her articles to educate her is a great idea. I know...invite her to a La Leche league meeting next time she visits. :) Then have all the women there nurse in front of her.

Really, it's none of her business, and she has no experience nursing. Honestly, I get a little creeped out when I see a toddler nursing, but it's more how it's done than the age of the child... if that makes any sense. I wouldn't even grant that sort of question an answer. So I would probably just tell her that your baby's health is thriving and then change the subject. Your child is still a toddler, now if it was a kindergartner... I would be concerned!... but some people still do that too. I nursed mine till they were 16 and 18 months... my husband also thought it was gross to nurse longer than a year.

Oh, just tell her YES or NO and it is YOUR decision.....she can do research and/or read up....if she so choses...NO need to send her clippings.

Personally, I think one should start to wean at about 12 months. I've seen women with baby on the breast when they are old enough to ASK for breast in a sentence....and that sort of gives me pause...However, it is your child, it is your decision.

As always.....sometime you just have to love a relative or friend from a distance. Check incomming calls and/or put your phone on mute. Stop taking calls that YOU KNOW will upset you.

Blessings.....

She's just worried about her little girl-you-and how you are holding up with a baby that needs a very special diet-she's feels as though it must be taxing on you-I'm sure that's all.

Easy....tell her "I have stopped". In my opinion I feel it's time to stop but I don't know anything about that disease.