I Am Losing Myself ..

Hey, I know this is AFTER the update, but I just wanted to get on the bandwagon. You know, the it's okay to get help one. I don't know how the coast guard works, but my friend's hubby is in the military, and able to utilize day care facilities for cheap, and the docs are pretty thorough...
Anyway, glad you're feeling a little better, you seem like a really sweet girl.
Take care,
A.

Hello,
I read through some of the advice you have recieved and it is all really good. If you are feeling lonely it might be good to get out and socialize with other moms. There are these groups for mom's of preschoolers. Childcare is usually provided, and it's a time to hang out talk and get to know other mom's in your area. It's called MOPS. I don't know where in Portland you live but I took the liberty of locating some groups in Portland and here are there addresses. Maybe one would interest you. You could also visit there website to find out more information.

Hinson Memorial Baptist Church
1137 SE 20th,
Portland, OR , 97214
Email: ____@____.com
Meeting Day: 1ST TUES
Meeting Time: 9:00-11:30AM

Moreland Presbyterian Church
1814 SE Bybee Blvd,
Portland, OR , 97202
Meeting Day: F
Meeting Time: 9:30-11:00AM

New Hope Community Church
11731 SE Stevens Rd,
Portland, OR , 97266
Email: ____@____.com
Meeting Day: 1ST & 3RD TH
Meeting Time: 9:30-11:00AM

Portland First Church of the Naz
6100 SW Raab Rd,
Portland, OR , 97221
Meeting Day: 1ST & 3RD TH
Meeting Time: 6:30-8:30PM

http://www.mops.org/site/c.msKXL6PLLrF/b.2244861/k.6243/M...
That is the website for MOPS. I know they just meet at churches, and I hope that's not a turn off. It's really just a way to hang out and have your kids taken care of. Something like that can do wonders for a mom.

I think you may be me. I have also experienced these feelings of deep depression. The pain is crippling. I understand so completely. I also have a coastie husband out of bellingham harbor. He is gone alot leaving me to care for our two little boys and our home. Leaving little time for me. We all need time for ourselves. My husband is also my best friend but he has never had problems with depression so dosen't really understand what I'm going through. Diet and exercise are important but so is a good support system. Lots of friends and family to talk too. Moving areound like coast guard families do its hard to make new friends each time and leave the old ones behind. I take meds but they don't always do the trick. MAking myself get out and socialize helps. The local park has lots of moms on pretty days so new friends are just a few words away. Get a sitter and go get a new haircut or a manicure, anything just for you. Have lunch with friends sans babies. It's hard for me to leave them sometimes but I feel better afterward and am better able to care for my boys. If you feel like you need professional help DO NOT BE AFRAID TO GET IT. It dosen't make you weak or defective, It makes you stronger for admitting there is something wrong and taking the initiative to do something about it. To be a good wife and mother sometimes we have to remind ourselves that its ok to put ourselves first every once in awhile. I wish I could help you. I live in bellingham, Wa. Would love to hear from you, email me sometime. Coastie wives stick together.
C. S.

You are doing just fine! YOu need to give yourself a break. You also need to gain some kind of different view on how precious and important motherhood is. You mentioned how you feel like a loser because "all you do" is stay home with your kids. Well, I am a mother of 6 children and I definitely know how that feels, but let me tell you that the rewards that come from your sacrifice are our next generation!!! Sometimes it feels like you do nothing but look at them while they are sleeping and lay on the couch out of exhaustion. That is ok. There will be other times that you are just rushing around from gymnastics or school performances or whatever your girls decide to be interested in. There are stages in life and they are all and equally important. Never let yourself think that you are 'less than' anyone. The world might hold that value at times, but as you well know, your girls are a blessing from a Heavenly Father that loves you. They are the most precious things you could ever have in your life. It is time that your life center around them. That is the sacrifice of being a mother. HOWEVER...you need time for yourself so you can continue to be a 'good' mother. WE all need adult interaction to maintain some sanity. LOL

Don't be too hard on yourself. As to the mention of a dog attack. I'm sorry, but I couldn't have pulled a bulldog off of my beagle. I'd be scared to death!!! I might kick it. :) I know I am a good Mom and I've done the things you are doing. Yes, I still do laundry every day and dishes and dinners. I feel like my life is mondane sometimes, but it is soooo rewarding. You'll see. Things will get better. You just need to give yourself some time outs. :)

Good luck and HAPPY Parenting!

You need friends!!! And if you have them, you need to start making time to hang out with them. Being a mom and a wife is awesome, but you have to still be YOU too. Where are you in PDX? Send me your info and what kind of stuff you like to do and maybe we could hang out sometime! I'm a single mom, but it sounds like you are on your own a lot too. Take care.

It sounds like you are lonely! I can understand why you are feeling so bad! I live in Vancouver...maybe some playdates with the kids would do you a world of good. I have been sad also. I had to get on meds after I couldn't take it anymore. Be good to yourself. Get a sitter, go out with a few people and have some fun. I don't think you are co-dependent on your husband. I think that you crave adult interaction with others. Good luck!

A.
I am sorry to hear how you are feeling! I understand how being a parent and a loving wife are the most important things to you-they are to almost all women. I can only offer suggestions and you are more than welcome to email me at: ____@____.com to talk some more. I found myself tired and losing myself only after my first (and only thus far) son. I am typically very in-tune with my emotions and upbeat about life but with such awful sleep for months and being a stay at home mom, I was struggling to recall who I was. I now have become more involved with ME...that's right, you also need to find more ME time! I don't know if there is a way you can make sure you get ME time but where there is a will there is a way. I like to make sure I partake in some of the below and you may enjoy: taking bubble baths, smelling lavendar-have some by your bedside, drinking tea while putting your feet up, ASKING others for help and then ACCEPT this help as what it is-a kind gesture, taking walks with a friend while the girls are being babysat or with daddy, having a date night with your husband every week or two when he is around is soooo important, Finding other interests- I also work with a group of moms from home now so I find pride in my stay-at-home business and that helps me a lot! Go to the park with the little ones or join a mom group-there are many groups on Meetup.com that you can check out in your area. Watch feel good movies like 'The Secret'. Remember that you are human, and a wonderful mother but you must allow yourself to feel all range of emotions as women we are emotional...don't be hard on yourself! Have Faith in your own beliefs, your own strength....just because you couldn't pull the pitbull off of your beagle-hello??? That's a big dog and the universe or God or fate (whatever you believe) put your neighbor in your world to help you at that point!!! Accept help graciously and appreciatively but find yourself some more time to be away from the babies for just an hour even to enjoy a cup of coffee at a coffee shop, a nap somewhere quiet (say your car :) ) or to get your hair done at a beauty shop-anything A. and you'll feel a bit more rejuvenated, a bit more like yourself, a bit more loved because you are loving yourself, a bit more able to love and give more, and a bit more happier to just love life and the little treasures are children are...I do hope the best for you!!!

Hi A., I know exactly how you feel! I went through these same feelings after I had my second child, she was born 15 months after my son. I would go long days without any adult interaction and felt really trapped. I decided to join a community center (similar to the YMCA) that offered child care services; I started taking different classes that were offered like kickboxing, yoga and aerobics. After just one hour of sweating, my mood began to change, I had more energy and I felt like myself again. This change affect my entire family, when they sensed that mom was happy, they were happy. Take care of yourself!

I think you need to find something else to do...maybe take some online college courses, or take the kids to story time at the library. Something that will allow you to interact with other people. You might have volunteering opportunities in your community. It sounds like you are looking for some kind of purpose...i mean, it is great to be a wife and mother...but it doesn't feel like a very rewarding job cooking and cleaning constantly, i know. But your kids will love and appreciate that you are there for them everyday...and the values and morals that they will learn from you in the end.

Please don't lose yourself! My youngest three were born 15 months apart and in a city with no family or friends. I did use paxil for awhile but don't like daily anything (other than vitamins).
You are exhausted. EMOTIONALLY, PHYSICALLY, ADRENALLY...
PLEASE CALL WHEN YOU ARE IN THE SINGLE PARENT MODE.
MY YOUNGEST IS IN 2ND GRADE AND THERE ARE PLENTY OF US WHO WOULD LOVE THE CHANCE TO HOLD A BABY, EVEN IF IT'S JUST SO MOM CAN GET A SHOWER.
I'VE BEEN THROUGH MOST OF IT. IT HELPS TO REACH OUT. ACCEPT SINCERELY OFFERED HELP, FOR YOUR SAKE AND YOUR KIDS:)

Hi, A.. I know what your going through. I feel the same way. You need to have some "Me" time. You should find a babysitter or someone that you can trust with your kids and take a couple hours for yourself. You need to find something for yourself, that only you do.
I worked for over 20 years, then decided to be SAHM. I was a very independent person. After three years of not working and being at home with Sesame street, blue clues, etc, I needed some adult time to myself. My husband works 6 days, 12 hours a day so it was just me and the kids. My sister-in-law took me to a MK conference and was amazed at the acceptance and happiness of everyone. I still work on my postive attitude but I have lots of people that I can depend on and I have became a totally different person.
I became a Mary Kay Consultant to get the time away. To feel wanted once again. To get some adult girl time, to feel confident in myself again.
No only do I make some extra money (that we are not in dire need of but extra for me and the kids) but I get away for a couple of hours every other day or whenever I want to. It makes me feel better which passes positive engery to others around me.
I'm not trying to get you do join, just telling you a little bit about my situation.
Stay Strong and Keep Postitive.

you sound exactly like i did after my second was born! i was so unbelievably tired, that i just felt totally without meaning or purpose. its totally normal! you're body is deprived of sleep, which makes you tired and down. is there anyone (family or close friends) that could watch the kids for a couple hours like once a week so you can just nap? you really need to recharge, and hopefully your little one will start sleeping better so you can sleep. can you put a movie on for the older two, where they're safe (like i have kid gates so my kids can't go anywhere but the living room which is right next to where i am), and just nap when the baby naps? sometimes you just have to, just to keep your sanity. also you could talk to your doctor about vitamins that might help. i was told to take multi ones and super b complex to help with energy. although i'm horrible with taking things lol. but once she started sleeping, and i was able to sleep then i started feeling better. hang in there! you're not a loser, you just need rest. good luck!!

Hi A.,
First off, hire a baby sitter to watch your kids for a couple hours a day. If you're breast feeding your baby you can pump and or use formula for a feeding. You need a break!
I think it's about time you joined a yoga class, or belly dance, or something fun, which you can practice during the week at home and then look forward to going to. The best thing we can show our kids as they grow up is that we have lives outside of them, even as young children they need to see this. I don't mean run away for several days, or stay out late every night, I just mean one or two hour long classes a week isn't going to hurt them, and they will appreciate having a mommy who is recharged and refreshed.
When my kids were three and two, I was involved with a theater group, and all three of us were in the shows, they loved being on stage and I loved it too, it made me feel like I belonged to something and I made many lifelong friends. A mom's group developed out of the theater group and it was the best times when we all got together. Though I was doing that activity with my kids, there were so many people around that were my new friends I had a huge support system that finally let me enjoy them. Even with a babe in arms, you can still be on stage in the chorus of a show. The group I worked with was the Mountaineers, they rehearse in Seattle, but actually perform in a beautiful outdoor theater in Kitsap. We would stay overnight in the cabins on the weekends, and it was like having a slumber party with my moms group gals.
I run across letters like yours alot on this site, if it's not the mothers who are worn out it's the teenage kids that are getting into trouble, usually because they have nothing to do. I think I did alot of good things in raising my kids, they always had activities that defined them and I did also. It takes alot of pressure off the kids when we don't expect them to be the only joy in our lives, and can find joy in activities that fulfill us. Good luck and go out there and enjoy life!

A.,

Hey there sweetie! I understand how you feel. I felt that way after my son was born. But you WILL get through this. It sounds like maybe you need to find a good support group in your area to meet other woman, and receive their support. I belong to a GREAT MOPS group here in Springfield. It is located at Springfield Faith Center, it is located in a church, and we do pray before each meeting, but you don't have to be a Christian to attend. These woman have been wonderful supports to me, and MANY others. They have childcare, so you can just go and enjoy a meal and meeting other woman going through just what you are going through. We meet every 2nd and 4th Thursday of ever month from 9:30am-11:00am. You can call the church at ###-###-#### for more information regarding this group, or email me personaly at ____@____.com Good luck! And remember that your not alone in the way that you feel, and that YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS. This too shall pass.

God bless you,
T.

You need to see someone about your feelings. A therapist can help you by talking to you and giving you some ideas to help make yourself feel better. I know you said you don't want meds, but it might be something chemical that is causing you to feel this way and you might get worse if you are lacking a chemical in your body. For the day in and day out feeling, maybe you could try to find a babysitter for one day a week in the evening (a friend would even work) and go out with friends or even by yourself to just get away for awhile. People who work a job everyday get to leave that job at the end of the day, but your work is your life and you never get to take five minutes away from it and you need to. I was a SAHM myself up until about 3 months ago when I went back to school. I am in school for 3 hours a day and just getting away that much is so wonderful to be able to not be constantly taking care of the kids. Your feelings are something that you can't ignore, so please don't put yourself on the backburner, TAKE CARE OF YOU, because you are the most important thing right now and the kids need you to be okay.

First thing is that you nroke my heart when I read your request. I just want to give you a hug and tell you everything is going to be o.k. I went through something similar, where I felt like I didn't matter and I felt lost and like I lost myself. It was when my son was about two years old. I know you don't want to turn to medication, but have you thought of a Counselor or a Psychiatrist? I saw a family counselor and she helped me through it by giving me the mental tools and natural ways of coping with those feelings. Later on I did take an anti-depressant fot awhile but I believe what really helped was the Counselor. Her name is Sandy Sturgiss if you live in the North Seattle area. She lives in Sno-homish. If not, look for a counselor who will work with you naturally and tell the person right up front that you do not want to take medications. If at any time you feel suicidal, please see a professional right away. I care and I'm sure many other Mothers who hear your story will also! Please keep us posted about 'you' and your family. Remember that if you don't take care of yourself "first" than who does your family really have. God bless you and your family! H. K.

A., I think it is really important that you talk to your doctor. I think you probably have PPD. Our bodies go though so much. Between lack of sleep, hormones and the isolation of being a stay at home mom, it's no wonder your mind is playing tricks on you.