I Am Having a Hard Time with My 6 Year Old Stepdaughter and Teeth Brushing

Well first I think her dad needs to tell her that she must obey you in regard to the brushing, since he's not home when she does it.

Second, if she were my kid we'd stand there until she properly brushed her teeth. You're the adult and she's the kid, so you're running the show not her. I can outwait anybody -- I'd bring a crossword puzzle to work on if I had to. And we'd stand there together until it was done.

Third, my dentist suggested that my daughter brush her teeth for the length of a song on a cd. So when she was little, she'd pop in her favorite cd and play a song and brush until it was over. Maybe that would make it a little more fun for her.

Have you tried one of the battery operated toothbrushes? They have lots of different characters. Maybe that will help motivate her.

This is an idea that was brought up in a different context in our ECFE class this past week. Take a regular hardboiled (to prevent possible messes) white egg, let it soak for a bit in a dark colored soda, so the egg is about half way covered. When you take it out, there will be a line and the egg will be stained. Using a regular toothbrush & toothpaste, let her brush the egg, taking the stain off. AFTER she sees how the egg is stained & then cleaned, you can relate it to her teeth and explain how the food that she eats does the same thing and that is why it is so important to brush them! I would try it myself first, just to make sure it works! :) And maybe try to make it a fun activity more than a lesson. Good luck!

Being a stepmom is hard, it's so wonderful that you care!

My stepdaughter had the same problem, too much candy and juice, not enough teeth brushing at Mom's.

We found this great product called Inspector Hector's Plaque Detector. It's a blue mouthwash that turns the plaque on the teeth blue. Your SD would swish it around before she brushes. Then the "game" is to brush away all the blue! We found that it made brushing fun (it was a game to get rid of all the blue!) and it made it easier for her to visually see where she still needed to brush. It also makes it easier for us to see if she got it all as well. This way she can be independent.

We also use a different mouthwash after brushing. Both mouthwashes taste good so we don't have trouble getting her to do it. In the beginning the Tooth Fairy would leave her a surprise at the end of the week if she brushed her teeth every day (usually a little trinket by her toothbrush). You can try that too.

Good luck!

Tell her either she does it the right way or you are going to do it for her. If she wants to be independent, she will do it correctly or you will intervene. Look into a specialist who will sedate her (laughing gas, etc.) so any work they need to do won't be so traumatic. Keep telling her that if she took better care of her teeth on her own at home the extra trips to the dentist would not be needed. Get her an electric toothbrush that she might enjoy using more and let her pick out a favorite toothpaste flavor.

Unfortunately, it does not sound like Mom is reinforcing the lesson at home (What are the custody arrangements? How much is she with Mom vs. you guys?) so it might be an uphill battle. Sounds like Dad needs to be have a talk with Mom and be supporting you and backing you up by talking to your stepdaughter about the importance of taking her of her teeth.

Just a few ideas to try: lots of positive reinforcement, very encouraging when she makes the slightest effort to brush her teeth. A sticker chart - she gets a sticker to put on her chart every time she brushes her teeth, with a treat (not candy, obviously - just an extra long bedtime story session or staying up 15 minutes later would do) when she gets a week full of stickers. (Sticker charts work a treat with some kids, totally useless with others.) Bringing in the tooth brushing earlier in the night time routine - after she's finished eating and drinking obviously, but not right before getting into bed so that there's time for something positive (like cuddles, stories) after the stressful episode and before settling down to sleep. Some measure for how long she should be brushing - an egg timer worked great with my kids, or you could pick a favorite song/piece of music and play it while she does the "tooth brush dance". A chat about what it is that she hates - is the brush too large/soft/hard for her mouth, does she dislike the flavor of the toothpaste - in which case a trip to the store to pick out her very own brush and paste. My kids were VERY impressed with seeing a project at a science fair when a kid had put a baby tooth into a jar full of soda and tracked how it dissolved and disappeared - at 4 and 6, they were old enough to understand that that is what sugary foods do to your teeth and boy did they brush well for a few weeks.

Hope one of those ideas will help. Step parenting isn't easy, especially when your values/practices come into conflict with the natural parent. Can her Daddy take primary responsibility for dealing with this in the morning so that her teeth are cleaned well at least once a day, and you aren't always the bad guy enforcing it?

For about $20 you can buy an electric tooth brush. Why not give it
a try. It might make tooth brushing a new game.

you are doing the right thing- and i think it's a littl elame of her mother for not taking interest in her daughters teeth. once you have your adult teeth- more don't grow back if you lose them- they're all you get! :)

maybe something you could try is reassuring her you will not hurt her. try letting her brush your teeth first. then you brush hers. then let her brush your hair, then you brush hers. try doing little special things with her to gain the trust that you won't hurt her or allow her to get hurt.

i don't know anyone that likes the dentist- i need laughing gas to get my teeth cleaned. maybe a little switch-a-roo with her will help the situation.
good luck!

My 4.5 year old son is was pretty bad with teeth brushing until last year. As a toddler I had to hold him still to make him brush and everyone was unhappy. What made the difference was a dentist giving a presentation to his preschool class. Now he will brush more carefully as the dentist told him. I tease him and say I need to hear the sound of teeth being scrubbed or I will do it myself (sometimes I do brush for him).

A 6 year old is old enough to rinse and spit out mouthwash so maybe a flouride mouth rinse will make up for the less than thorough brushing. Brushing your teeth at the same time and demonstrating may help too. Maybe a pediatric dentist or school nurse can help you by talking to her about how important taking care of your teeth is.

I'd look for fun children's books about oral hygiene. When we wanted to get our older daughter comfortable with the idea of potty training, we bought books like "How to Potty Train Your Monster" to bring up the topic indirectly. Using that same example, you might want to set up a sticker chart that she can fill up as she brushes her teeth. Putting music on and making it fun... I sang to my older daughter when we were first brushing her teeth.

You sound like a great step-mom!

Maybe just promise her you're not going to hurt her.
Reassure her that you know she's afraid.

What does she really like? Princesses? Dinosaurs? Puppies? Try the game where you say "Wait a inute! I swear I saw a Dalmation in there....lemme see......YEP! Got it! Whoa! Is that a Great Dane on the molar? There, I got him! " All the while looking and brushing......

Good luck!

Since she didn't have early instruction on how to take care of her teeth,
it's unrealistic for you to expect her to be able to brush her teeth herself.
You need to do it for her . . .
until she can demonstrate that she can do it sufficiently well herself.

I liked the blue mouthwash product;
also the staining a hardboiled egg.

About when she goes to visit (bio) mom,
once you get a regular pattern/structure in place with toothbrushing,
provide an incentive for her to keep it up even while she's at mom's house.

Regarding your "nothing I do is right" . . . . well, yeah.
That's how it is for now.
So try not to let that bother you.

BRUSH HER TEETH FOR HER.
And regularly give her an opportunity to show you
whether she's learning how to do it herself.
I wonder if there are any dolls a child can practice brushing on.

Has she watched you brush your teeth?
Have you shown her how you work on all your teeth,
fronts, backs, sides, etc.
There may be some books at the library about brushing teeth
for young children.

Good luck.

raise the white flag! I had the very same issue with my step-daughter starting at 5. She wouldn't brush and would have a fit if you did it for her. She ate garbage and drank soda all the time. Her mouth was gross and she's had lots of cavities. Eventually she'll get over it but if you push it too much it will take longer. You can try getting her the mouthwash or toothpaste that turns a different color so she can see the stuff on her teeth. The thing to remember is that if her mother isn't going to reinforce what you're doing then you are spinning your wheels. If you can encourage her by showing her that when her teeth are clean and shiny your smile is cute and shiny. The only thing you can do is try to inspire some desire in her. Otherwise it won't work and it will continue to be a battle. I have one step-son who is 22 years old and still won't brush his teeth....seriously!! Luckily girls are a little more conscious of their breath! Bottom line: It's not worth fighting about. I'd try getting her the mouthwash that turns a different color when she's still got stuff on her teeth and leave her to it. Don't hover over her. If you let her explore it without you around she'll be more likely to try it. That being said....don't leave her too unsupervised because it's not good for them to drink it.

My 6 year old also hates to get his teeth brushed (even though we have been brushing them years). Yes, you should brush them, not her (or both of you have a turn). First, I would explain to her that you understand that she doesn't like it, but you have to get your teeth brushed because . . . This might work better after she gets the work done on her teeth as you can make that as motivation not to have to go through all of that again. Then, I would make a trip to the store and have her pick out toothbrushes, toothpaste, etc. I would buy several of each - whatever she wants. If she wants to buy non-fluoride toothpaste, that is fine, just get some fluoride kind too. With my son we tried every kind of flouride containing toothpaste and he doesn't like any so our compromise is that first we put the fluoride toothpaste on the brush and then we put on his favorite non-fluoride toothpaste. Put the choices in her hand. You can tell her that if none of what you buy works out, then you can make another trip to a different store. You want to make it as enjoyable for her has possible. Finally, muster as much patience as you possibly can for the actual tooth brushing. With my son, some nights we get everything ready and then we have to sit there for 10 minutes talking about things because he doesn't want to get his teeth brushed. I try to remind him gently that we need to brush his teeth and eventually he will agree. Believe me, this is the hardest part of the day for me because we both are tired and lacking patience and I just want to get the brushing done. One other thing, to give her a choice, have her pick out the toothbrush each night. Be prepared, as first this might be a 5 minute ordeal, but after awhile it will get easier.

You've gotten some GREAT ideas here, I like having the tooth fairy leave a sticker or plastic ring or something if she is cooperative all week. and the blue stuff on her teeth she has to brush off! I also bought my son two cute toothbrushes and every night he could choose which one to use. It kept his mind off the I dont want to brush my teeth trying to decide which one to use. you're not really spending twice as much money as they will not wear out as quickly.

Most kids hate brushing their teeth, and most kids love to be independent and do things on their own. Also, kids have virtually no ability to think into the future. As you've found, this can cause problems!

Give her only 1 chance, each morning and evening, to do it right on her own. If her teeth aren't clean, take over. She'll scream and yell and carry on and promise to do it right this time, but just very calmly say, "I gave you a chance. Now I have to do it." Any more explanation and she'll tune out and just hear "blah blah blah." Eventually, she'll start doing a decent job just to get you out of the batrhroom and her business! It may take a couple of years - kids are stubborn - but eventually she'll "get it."