I Am Fairly New to the Step-mom Sceane Need Help

No, you should be allowed to choose your friends just as she is allowed to choose hers. She is old enough to know that by now. My parents, even though much greater age difference, hang out with people I don't like. They give me two choices, suck up and deal with it for a few hours or don't come hang out with us when they are there. At 23, she should be able to handle those two choices...and probably old enough to figure them out on her own. Tell her to grow up.

Hello L.. I agree with the last mom. She is 23 years old and not your mother. It sounds like she has had her "nose cut off" so to say. I would just tell her that your friends don't need to be her friends and vise versa, but that does NOT mean that you two cannot be friends. Explain to her that you want to be her friend and that you two can have a relationship that does not involve speaking about your other friends. Best of Luck!

You're in a tough spot- simply being so close in age to your step-daughter. However, these are your friends, not her's. I agree with the other moms that she is old enough to be able to understand this. It sounds to me like she's having some difficulty with the entire situation and not just the friends issue.

I would let her know, without any fuss or emotion, that she doesn't have to be friends with them if she doesn't want to, but you've made the choice for yourself, just as she has made choices for herself.

It's not your job to make her happy. She's an adult and needs to act like one. I'm sure she wouldn't give up her friends if you wanted her to.

Though you are a step mom to her. Your role with her at 23 is not what it woulld be if she was a child. She Absolutly has no say in who your friends are and what you do. If she don't like it tuff. Parents don't let friends babysit who their kids don't get along with but they don't determine their friends. My mom has lots of friends I don't like. But those are her friends and I have mine. I myself have 3 step kids its not easy but with time things get better you just have to stand your ground.

honestly, it sounds like the step daughter is being overly childish. By no means should you need to give up your friends for something so petty.Theres no need for her to become best friends with your social crowd..however being polite would be nice.I think the same goes for you both.Maybe shes just having issues with him marrying someone close to her age.Hopfully over time she will act her age and realize that she wants your husband to be happy... and in that regard she will lay off.After all shes not a child anymore shes an adult , time for her to start acting the part! Goodluck!!!

L. M,
Your step-daughter sounds like she needs to Grow Up! You should NEVER give up friends for your Husband or your children, step or otherwise. They are a support to you and without that support you would become too dependent upon your husband and children.
Make sure you and your husband have agreed on how to handle his child and move forward.
Ignore her, or tell her flat out, Listen these are life long friends and NO I will not drop them because you do not like them. End of Story. Now that does not mean I don't like you as a Step-Daughter, or if you just call her a Daughter-but YOU MUST respect my life as well as I must respect yours and your friends.
If you find things are getting back to this daughter then by all means stop talking about your home life with the gal in question.
I am sure this gal is just hurt dad married someone close to her age!
Sit down and talk about this with her. Clear the air. Age is tough to deal with in Step Parents. I know my Step Mom was only 15 years older than myself and closer to my brother and sisters age! YIKES. Issues evolve from this.
Good luck
C.

I'm not a step mother or anything, but I do have an opinion about this. I have a step aunt who is 1 year older than my cousin and me (her dad is married to the 26 year old). She accepts her now, more or less. I made fun of her, at first, b/c come on my uncles is in his 40's. But she's a great person, I don't seee her as an aunt though. Anyways, back to your problem. People their children don't get along with? She may be your step daughter, but she's also an ADULT!!! So I think that is ridiculous that she'd try to put that on you. Keep your friends, they're SOOOO hard to keep. She's an adult, she just wants you to do what she wants, but you have to do what's right for you.

hello L., ok first of all you cant let your step daughter tell you who you can and cant be friends with. what kind of friend would you be if you just droped all your life time friends. where you guys friends in school? i realize that this would get very hard to deal with. you are her step mother now and you have to show her that she cant tell you what to do. thats what a mother does to the child. ok i just read everything i wrote and it may seem kinda harsh but it all needs to be said. she has to respect you!!!!! well good luck with that!

That would be tought to have a step child that is practically your age. As far as the friends go, she should not have any influence over who you have chosen to be friends with. It might smooth things if you don't have them around or spend a lot of time talking to them when she is there.

To me what your step-daughter is asking is carry over from the high school games girls play..."You cant like or talk to them cuz I don't". You have your friends and whether or not she likes them is of no consequence to you. She does not live in your home nor is she the mother. I would explain to her nicely that these people have been your friends for a long time and you are not under any circumstances willing to give them up. Have you talked to your new hubby about this and if so what did he say?

Your friends are just that yours she does not have to like them or be friends with them, however if they are at your house and she is there I would expect her to be respectable to your company.

Good Luck
H.

I have ALOT of experience with this stepparent thing. Just about 13 years. You should NEVER let a child tell you who you can talk to or can not talk to. YOU are the parent. If you have friends that she does not get along with, then, if you want, you can keep them separated. But, that would be up to you! A stepparent normally is not accepted right away, it took over 10 years for my stepdaughter to finally accept me and the way I am. But, I was not going to give in. Just hang in there, but remember....she is NOT your boss, you are hers.

You have a right to like and talk to whoever you please, and just like your step-daughter wouldn't like you picking her friends she shouldn't pick yours either. Stand your ground with her, after you explain yourself. It does sound like high school games, and remind her neither of you are their anymore. I don't know about you, but personally I don't miss the high school stuff, or people that tried to make those years unbearable. Wether she lived with you or not your personal friends and life isn't hers, and you and your husband together need to make it clear to her, or this could be just the beginning of more problems to come. I was also raised by a step father and I would of never did anything to him to cause him any problems, I always felt blessed he was such a great person, and loved me as his own. Good Luck!