Husbands Family Is Always Questioning My Parenting methods...HELP!

HI Trish, It sounds like you are a great hands on kind of mom..

I dont let my kids eat fast foods either. I do allow them treats like ice dream on Fridays if they got stickers for good behavior all week. I have 1 boy and 1 girl. I will say as an adult we cant always be the peace keepers. You can speak up by saying with all do respect I value your opinion I just dont agree with it and when it comes to raising my child I hope you are not offended but I prefer to do it this way..etc. Being a lady doesnt mean you have to be a doormat. I will also like to say that teaching them to eat well is important and as she gets older so is teaching them about self control and a little treat hear and there can be a great way to reward them and teach them about why we dont over indulge. Please keep in mind that a little dirt never hurt. I know she is a little lady ( so is mine) and I love it and would like to keep it that way....however I want a well rounded child and I dont know what God has in store for her and if she is afraid to get dirty I could possibly be hurting her by not preparing her for real life. Sometimes as a mom I have to get dirty and wear different hats, I dont like to but I am capable and I want to make sure my daughter is too. I hope I havent imposed and just take what advise you can use and have fun. Life is short demand the respect you deserve and dont feel guilty for saying so. Good luck!!

I don't think there's a way to tell her to keep her opinions to herself without "rocking the boat", but as things come up, you shouldn't be afraid to disagree. My mother-in-law and I, and even my own mother and I, often disagreed/disagree about how I'm raising my children. I usually would/will just say "I understand what you mean. I believe this though and that's how it's going to be." My mom will usually just wrinkle up her face in disapproval, but that's where the conversation usually stops. My mother-in-law would be a little more condescending in her remarks, but I would just let it roll off me and essentially say "Well, I guess that's my mistake to make. I think I'm doing ok and if I think it's best for my child not to have cheetos, then that's my decision to make." or whatever the argument was about.

I have to admit, I'm a pretty laid back person as it is. I don't have all the restrictions on my kids that you describe, but I try very hard to provide a well-rounded diet, I spent the first 2 years of my daughter's life with her at home and my son only goes to a drop off playcare center usually 2 or 3 times a week when I have work so I understand the importance of being home with your kids if you can do it. I also understand the importance of proper socialization. I know I'm not the best mom in the world, but I'm going to be the best mom to my kids. No one will ever love them as much as me. Not their Aunts, not their uncles, and not even their grandparents. For most of us, that love guides us to do what we think is right if we really care about them. At least as much as our wisdom and education can guide us. Yes, some other people may have better parenting skills, and it is wise to recognize that when it comes up. We can always learn something new. But if you believe your choice is better than their choice, you should never be afraid to state your opinion and not worry about what other's think.

You love your daughter and that is very obvious. You probably would never do anything to knowingly hurt her and your in-laws more than likely know that. As time passed with my mother-in-law, she learned that about me and realized I was making the right choices for my kids. Before she passed, I can remember her arguing with my husband about something he and I disagreed on regarding the kids and she was on my side. My mom even argues with me less as time passes. She knows I have my kids' best interests in mind whenever I make decisions and now she backs me up when I'm trying to explain things to my children that they don't exactly agree with. The respect has come with time. I would assume if you are flexible without being a push-over, you will gain that same respect over time as well.

Good luck!

Ok first off take a deep breath.
Your DD is only 22 months and right now you can control alot of what is going on in her life. The key word is right now. And yes that will make a lot of impact on her life.
2nd of all why are you letting this woman have any affect on how you raise your child? So she thinks she knows it all...(but she is working in a Daycare.. do you think she has a masters?)
3rd Live your life let your daughter live. Mud and muck can be cleaned off.. germs can be bad but also helpful.
I wish that both of my sons would have taken grasp of diet you feed your daughter, one did the other rather have sweets and wont eat anything else if he knows its in the house.
One day you are going to pop and it will be at her and she is not going to know what hit her. So maybe saying right know what is on your mind in the most polite and cordial way would be best.
Chin up stick to your guns. ENJOY LIFE!

Wow, I want you to know that I could not have been as nice as you have been. You need a purple heart lol. You are up against a wall and having stones thrown at you. I think that you are doing a great job with your daughter. I am an in-home childcare provider and I agree with the approach that you are taking as far as daycare and your daughter. If you know that she is going to be your only and you want the time with her and financially it is not a problem then I say go for it! You are so right these years go by faster than I ever thought they would I have been a SAHM for 9 years now and it is slipping away. My oldest is 9 and I was here for it all and I still wish that I had more time. I have 3 girls and would not dream of missing any time with them. As far as the germ thing and getting dirty while playing I totally understand where you are coming from. My husband is a neat freak and germ freak as well. Yes your child still plays and has a great time but just b/c they are playing and having fun does not mean that they have to be covered in mud, dirt or grass stains. My kids are raised the same way I know that stains and dirt happen and I do not freak out when they do but we try as much as possible to keep our clothes in good condition. AND not to mention that when on a trip and you only have a few outfits and being away from home you do not always have the opportunity to wash an outfit if it becomes stained then it really has the potential to be ruined b/c the stain will set in. If it was me(not highly recommended) I would have told her just b/c she works in the child care industry that does not make her an expert at raising a child. I would also tell her that you and your husband are doing the very best that you can for your daughter (by the way you guys are off the charts great!) and she needs to keep her advice and suggestions to herself that if you wanted her advice you would ask for it. But that's just me. I hope that you can find some peace in the situation. I know it is hard but you are a great mom and do not let there petty attempts at trying to say that they are bigger, better and smarter get to you b/c ultimately God gave you that precious little girl and if He thought that you would make a good mom for her then that is all that counts. Keep up the awesome job!

It sounds like you're doing a great job raising your child. I have a MIL that is overbearing with her opinions on child raising. I just ignore her. Literally. But I'm also just as stubborn as she is, so I do not give in easily. I change the subject or ignore her & go about my business. Her advice is decades old, & I don't agree with any of her opinions on child rearing.

Just as an example: She has no idea why we use car seats. She just threw her 2 kids in the back & went. They jumped around in the car while she drove. Hmm...looks like I'm not going to take any of her advice.

Just smile sweetly, say thanks, & change the subject. Your child...your opinion! :)

I would just ignore them.They should know by now that thats just your way of parenting and they SHOULD respect it.Since they dont theres not much you can say or do to make them.They obviously havent got the hint thus far.Just keep doing what your doing...sounds like your doing great!

Trish,
I couldn't read all your message. But I got the idea. You are putting too much into thinking about this (kind of like your request). So stop thinking about it.

Your child, your husbands child. Not your in-laws. Not their rules or ideas. Stop discussing. If your in-laws don't like the way you parent, remove yourself from them literally. Don't go over there, don't invite them over. Set the boundaries. You say "Would you like to come over for Easter between 3 and 5?" Don't tell them what not to give your child. If they ask then suggest. When they give, say "thank you" and let you kid have one piece and "put the rest away for later". Then when they leave toss it. You can't change them. They can't change you. Don't try. Just find a system that works for dealing with them.

I tell ya, you are so much nicer than I would have been by now probably. I had this problem with my mother-in-law when I had my first child. I was 17 and she had had 5 children. I knew she knew alot more, but it was obnoxious not being allowed to learn anything on my own. I wanted to strangle her at times, but didn't want to burn any bridges. I was going to need her expertise at times.

You, however, are not in the same position. What would happen if you point blank asked her for her motives? What would happen if you asked her if she felt she was a better mother than you are? Or does she feel you do not have your child's best interest at heart? What if you asked her politely to butt out? What if you turned it around and found something to dog on her for? Let her see that it's really none of your business how she pays her bills or washes her car or how often she cooks dinner for her family, for example. I would probably just ask her why she thinks it's any of her business since you don't poke your nose into her business, but you CAN. Good Luck!