Husbands Depression

If he's crying something is going on. Go to counseling and take it from there. I wish you the best...

It could be internet pornography addiction. It's super common these days - and sounds like he feels really horrible about something. Like alcoholism, an addiction one can't just quit - one needs help. There are great Sexaholic Anonymous groups - google it.

have you been tested for STDs? It sounds like he's got some serious guilt on his hands. Make him get tested with you. Go for counseling together so that you can get to the bottom of the issues and deal with them.

Good luck.

GET MARRIAGE COUNSELING ASAP!!! Tell the counselor what you just told us and ask what to do to help. Hopefully the counselor is good and will either help or convince your husband that he needs help from someone else and set it up right away. If he is suicidal (sounds possible) get him help now, this minute, right away before he does something to himself.

Dear K., This sounds so sad. I think if he will agree to marriege counseling then do it. When a professional sees him, he/she may suggest someone else. It is possible he is not cheating but what he is doing on the computer may not be good. He sounds really depressed and I am sure that affects all aspects of both your lives. Look for help, Grandma Mary

What a situation, I am sorry. First off the cheating, if you have no proof you will have to take his word on it. Secondly, it does sound like he may be depressed and he is willing to seek professional help. He may need one on one but the fact that he will only do marriage counseling seems to me like maybe he just doesn't want to go alone. The fact that he is even willing to go speaks volumes; many people give up without counseling as an option because of the stigma associated with it. Get into marriage counseling and once he is comfortable with that you may be able to get him to see someone one one one if that is what he needs.

The other ladies are right, go to counseling. Marriage counselors are often not psychiatrists so they cannot prescribe meds but they can refer you to someone who can. More than likely they will want to meet together and individually...I speak from experience. He could have severe guilt on his hands and not know how to deal with it. My husbands issue was he was a workaholic and in constant fear of losing his job. This caused severe anxiety and depression and he basically had a nervous breakdown. Stayed up all hours working on the computer to the point of exhaustion thinking this would prevent a layoff. It was the hardest time in our marriage, I prayed for him and our marriage alot and we came thru on the other side stronger. Hang in there, he is in no position to make decisions right now so you need to step up and be there for him even when he doesn't treat you with respect, love or support. Hate to say it but this is the sickness and in health bit we vowed. If he's cheating, remove yourself from the situation and take it one step at a time.

oh my god K.....
your husband really needs your help right now....somehow u must get him to see a therapist. if not, keep lookin for a therapist that will come to your home. believe me, you don't want to ignore him because i have a feeling this is not about u or him cheating!! this is an emergency situation where he is reaching out for help!

i once dated a real great guy, and we just drifted apart after 3 years and once i was dating someone else (my future husband), my ex tried to contact me and i agreed to meet him for coffee and his appearance, his out look on life, everything was wrong about him and later that year he jumped from his 3rd floor apartment and killed himself.

so please do something now while it's not too late!
you don't want to live with the guilt that you could've done something...
good luck n let me know how it goes please <3

GO to the marriage counseling and take it from there...I would book it TOMORROW and start right away. At the very least, go for yourself. and you will need to listen to what he is saying and listen to the counselors advice if you want this to work.
That is soo scary for him to say he wishes he were dead. I wouldnt worry about the cheating part....just get into some kind of couseling.
all the best

Then go to marriage counseling then. It's better than nothing.

If he's willing to go to counseling, GO!! The counselor can help him recognize and deal with his issues. Men are often willing to listen to an "expert" even when they'd ignore the same advice from their wife. Go soon. Good luck and God bless!

I would go to whatever counseling he will agree to; marriage counseling is fine. This definitely sounds like serious depression (I have been there). Medication can do wonders if depression is really the problem. Be patient with him, but don't ignore this! Good luck to you.

Hi K., I'm really sorry for your situation. It sounds like your husband has a lot of issues he has to deal with. Here is my quick take on it. Marriage is hard and two people should want to make it work IF they love one another. You're husband point blank said that he's unhappy and basically cries himself to sleep. You know that misery loves company, and you shouldn't allow him to take you down with him. You're young and have a full life ahead of you. No one can help your husband but himself, and he may when he's ready. In the meantime why should you suffer?? If he's not happy and is making you miserable then you go away and live you life and YOU be happy. You very well may find the love of you life out there, and you don't need to be stuck in an unhappy marriage and grow old and be one of those nasty and miserable old ladies. Get out and live life and let a grown man figure out for himself what his problem is. It'll be hard the first year, but then you will love life once again. Good Luck to you!!!

He definitely needs to see a doctor. He needs meds and some therapy.
Try to be supportive. Has anything happened in his life to make him feel
this way. Did he lose his job etc. Hope things work out.

Updated

kl

YOU have to be there for me - he is DEPRESSED, he is not being immature or difficult...for whatever reason he is unhappy with your or his life around him you are his WIFE and you need to HELP HIM and listen to him. It doesn't mean he is cheating...or that YOU aren't a reason for his unappiness, maybe you just don't even know you are doing something that is hurting him. Maybe its not you, he's just depressed and hes placing it all on you... Mental illness is a serious issue that is difficult to understand or deal with but it is treatable and it is common. You can't just WALK OUT ON HIM. You and all your family and friends need to gather around and support him SOMEHOW...even if it turns out his depression is just because he is unhappy in his life (situation depression as opposed to clinical) YOU HAVE TO HELP - ummm I think the words were "in sickness and in health, right" Did you say them? I just hate it when people say walk away - he doesn't need that right now....crying and saying you wish you were dead is a call for HELP!

go to the marriage counseling. Sounds like that's what you desperately need. Not to alarm you but we just had a family friend commit suicide....he had been depressed for years and nobody took him seriously. Get some help, fast.
Lynsey

Definitely start with the marriage counselling! This will at least open a dialogue both between you and your husband and between him and a professional. I would also bring up your husbands depression and that he said he wished he was dead up during counseling. Also, during counseling, you need to discuss what is appropriate behavior in a marriage, and hiding from you on the computer and/or going out every night are DEFINITELY not fair to you or healthy for your relationship. Best wishes.

He may or may not be cheating, maybe he did and feels really guilty about it. Either way it sounds like he needs help. Can you talk to your Dr. or how about a family member or one of his good friends. Someone he trusts. crying and wishing he was dead sounds like you need to ask fast. good luck!