Husband Wants Another Baby- Im Not Too Sure

This isn't going to be a popular answer...but I say whomever does most of the work (child rearing) gets to ultimately decide.

I suspect your instincts are good, and I love hearing that you want the child you've already borne to have the best possible nurture during his early years.

I'm kind of a natural scientist. Over my six decades of life, I've watched all kinds of families, and listened to all kinds of advice, and watched all kinds of results. There are women who can do 2 or 3 kids without flagging, and women who can't, or realize they don't want to (I knew I could do my best with one, and wisely for me and my daughter, I stopped there).

There are lots of women who say you'll never regret having a second, or fourth, or seventh. And there are lots of women who, at least for the first four or five years, don't think they'll survive the experience (especially true if the additional child has health or behavioral issues – or is twins). It may get better when the children gain more independence, but doesn't always. The kids may be great friends or chronic enemies. Or just not interact much, especially if the older child's a boy, younger a girl.

You are the one who must carry the pregnancy, give birth, and probably shoulder most of the new infant's care. Ideally, your decision should be strongly weighted toward what feels right for you.

Talk talk talk talk

Thats the best thing you can do.
You DO NOT want to feel forced into it.

But I can say...I know HOW YOU FEEL.
I found out I was pregnant again when my son was about 18 months. I was scared about the same things! I'm a stay at home mom too.

Now My son is going to be 2 in Aug and my new baby is due in the beg of Sept.

My mom gave me the best advice on the situation: *she had 4 kids under the age of 5 and three of those were in diapers*
She told me that it is hard but you have to make sure you Include your older child in everything that goes on with the new baby. Have him help with feedings, cleaning, etc. Have Mommy & Son time when the new baby is sleeping.
Oh and Bring A present for your son when you come home from the hospital lol

No matter what it is Scary..I'm still scared about it. If you do decide to do it, just realize that YOU are in control of how you treat each child. You'll be fine :)

I had a similar situation. Hubby was ready to start trying for number two LOOOONG before I was. I did finally have baby number two and now he's interested in going for number three. I think, just as people would tell you to respect HIS boundaries if you were the one who wanted more children, he should also respect YOUR wishes to wait until your ready. I can honestly tell you, having the second seemed more overwhelming to me than being a new mom with the first. When your a first time mom, everyone is helpful because you're new to the situation. When it comes to the second, people are more likely to hang back and let you sink or swim cause they figure you've "been there done that". And especially when your used to devoting so much time and attention to only one, adding that additional little person completely throws off your normal household balance. If you are on the fence AT ALL you should wait. You will be a happier mommy when it comes at a time when you are prepared to deal. As for me and my loving hubby, I have told him that I'm happy and content with two right now and will let him know if/when I decide I would like more. Otherwise, he can find a new wife to have baby number three with. LOL He knows I'm kidding, but it did give him a better sense of how very serious I am about waiting or possibly not having any more.

My kids are 2 years and 5 months apart. Just before I had my son, I was sad about the fact that it wouldn't be just me and my daughter anymore, but honestly, if they were any farther apart, I'm not sure how well they would play together. My daugher is 4 1/2 and my son is 2 and they play pretty well together now, but my oldest is on the verge of being "too big" to play the way he wants to, so I really think closer is better from that perspective. I'm sure there are lots of other answers out there, but I'm happy that my two are fairly close in age. It is different when you have two kids, but you get to spend time with the older one while the baby is napping when they are little, so it's not like you never get that one on one time anymore. You just have to make a point to do it. You can also have "dates" on weekends or out for ice cream in the evening with the older one when Dad is home to watch baby. Again, you just have to make time to do these things.

Anyway, I guess the bottom line is that you shouldn't have a kid that you're not ready for since it will be your job (mainly) to take care of them. I am just giving you something to consider in making your decision. Ultimately, you have to do what is comfortable for both you and your husband. Good luck! This is definitely a tricky situation and I think it happens a lot.

There's no correct answer here. My eldest son is 3yrs older than my first daughter. I spent lots of time with him as a baby and loved every minute of it (well, not EVERY minute). Our middle child was planned and she came along right on schedule. So we had our boy and our girl 3yrs apart. Perfect. I was done. THEN when my baby was still a baby, I accidentally got pregnant again and had another little girl before our first daugher turned 2. Now my boy is 12, and my girls are 7 and 9. The nice thing is they're close in age. They (sometimes) play together nicely. They can share clothes. They're as close as sisters can be and we get asked ALL THE TIME if they're twins. BUT I feel like my 9yr old had her "babyhood" cut short. Poor thing has no recollection of life as the "baby" (my son and youngest daughter distinctly remember times when they had mommy's undivided attention as babies. My eldest had me for over 3yrs, and my youngest had me while the older kids were in school and pre-k). She was only barely a year old when I got pregs again. I feel like I sometimes treat the girls as one entity because they're so close in age (The Girls want to go swimming, The Girls need new shoes, The Girls etc) as opposed to a big sister and little sister. I love my kids and wouldn't change a thing, but there are truly pros and cons to having kids so close in age. I truly believe my middle child would have benefitted from being the "youngest" for just a little while longer. Good luck with your decision.

It's truly something the two of you have to work out together and outside input isn't going to be too helpful unfortunately.

I'd just like to throw my two cents in here. If it's something you're even willing to consider, (because you love your husband and respect his feelings, right?) then consider these few facts:

1. There's no guarantee that you get pregnant right away.

and

2. A pregnancy is 40 weeks, so even if you did get pregnant right away, your son would be over the age of 2 by the time you deliver. He will be more self-sufficient and able to do more with less help. He might even be thrilled to be a good helper with the baby.

Ultimately it's your body and he can't force you to do it of course. But do you really want to do that to your marriage? Are you planning on having other children anyways? Are you just looking for a LITTLE extra time, or are you looking for a larger difference? If you just want a little extra time, then tell him that's how you feel and they they will still be fine if they're 3 years apart rather than 2; I'm sure he would be understanding. If you want a much bigger age difference, then you two should try to work together to come to a compromise. And remember, even if you did agree and start trying right away, your son could end up being around three by the time a little brother or sister comes anyways. It's the nature of life.

Thats a hard situation. Just keep talking to each other and both of you need to validate each other's feelings, but ultimately you both need to be on the same page before you have another little one. My husband felt the same way and wanted another for a long time. After awhile he understood that I was the one who would take on 90% of the baby work not to mention have to deal with the hormones again. What was funny or sad on timing was about the time I was ready to think about another he was all for having only one. We do not regret our decision because I think you make your life out to be happy no matter what. Just be honest with him, remind him that you still want another just not now ( least that what is sounds like in your post) Kids do fine no matter what the age separation, they will always have good and bad moments together. ( most of my friends are a 4 year span and I have a 16 year span between my oldest sister) Enjoy your little boy they grow so fast and every age is so different. Ultimately it will be a decision you and your husband need to make but you need to be at least 99% sure you are ready because you dont want to resent your hubby for guilting you into a desion. Best of luck and wishes to you.

When my son was around 18 months old my husband started bugging me to try for another. We had always planned on waiting until he was at least 2 years old to start trying. I was like NO WAY at first, then we had a little oops where I thought I was pregnant, I took a test and I wasn't and I was really dissapointed, so we started trying and a month later I was pregnant (I am due in October) I am also a stay at home mom and like you and I do sometimes get sad about not being able to give all of the attention to my son that he has been used to since he was born! But then I think, he will only be 2 1/2 when the baby is here, he is still so young he is never even going to remember what it was like without the baby. It might be harder for them to deal with at an older age because they understand more about whats going on. When I was born my brother was 4 and he had some serious jealousy issues (my mom was a stay at home mom also) My brother literally tortured me up until I was a teenager, it was definitely more than your average sibling fights. I know that doesn't happen with everyone, but if you are planning on having another one in the future, it might be a good idea to have your second while your son is still so young. Like I said, at first I was dead set against having them this close, but now I am SO glad I decided to do it now. I'm sure you will probably struggle with having another no matter how old your son is because it is sad to know they won't get that same love and attention. Good luck with whatever you decide!!!

YOU are the one that has to carry the child for 9 months and then stay home with both children to take care of them. I would wait until YOU are emotionally prepared. Some of these other responses are nuts. Compromise with the husband?? Give me a break. Clearly your gut is telling you that you're not quite ready for #2 yet, so personally, I would wait. My kids are 2.5 years apart and that's what worked for ME. The husband had to wait until I was ready to be pregnant again. It's exhausting taking care of a toddler and being pregnant, not to mention having a newborn and a toddler. You definitely have to be emotionally ready for that.
Good luck,
Lynsey

Well, it is always tricky when one partner wants something that the other is not too sure about. The way I look at it is that it is you who will be doing most of the raising of said child (especially since you are a stay at home parent) and it will be your body that gets hijacked for 10 months or so, so the ultimate decision is yours. You will have enough love and attention for both but there will be big changes and there is no way of knowing how your firstborn will handle them whether he is 2 years old or 12 when a new baby arrives. I think you just need to be honest with your husband. Tell him exactly what your feelings are and why and make sure he tells you why he wants another child at this time and not in a few years when perhaps you will be more sure.

tell your husband he would have to wait until your son is at least 3 yrs old and secure and ready to share you wth another baby. My kids are 4yrs apart and I loved having my time with my 1st child and making sure he was secure enough to bring another baby into our family. Plus, financially I wanted to wait so I didn't get hit with 2 college tuitions at one time. I am sure your husband will put thought into that. So tell him to be patient and
give your baby time to be with you for a few years until you rock his/her world with having to share you.

Just remember that trying to have another baby is just that for now. Even if you decide to try now, it will be a year before you actually have a baby (at least). You will still have all that time to devote to your son and you will be giving him a wonderful present in a sibling. I am on only child and I still resent it to this day. I envy those with siblings even when they do not get along. I watch my own children and know Imade the right decision. My daughter was 2 3/4 when my son was born which was a great age. She was no longer a baby which made it easier for me. Also for those first few months, the baby does not require much from you except for food. The baby does not take away all the attention from your other child who now gets the new role of big brother/sister. My daughter loves being a big sister.

You need to feel ready for this step, just keep in mind that is a long process and not like the baby will be there tomorrow.

The good thing about them being close in age is that in 15 yrs they both will be independ and your patience will be shoot. mine are 15 and 18 now have another baby now and be done with the diapers. good luck

You're better off with them further apart in age, because it's really hard taking care of an infant with a toddler that wants attention. When one child is a few years or a lot older than the younger child, there is more understanding and the old child is more willing to help out since they are more mature. Maybe you can set a date for another baby, so your hubby doesn't think you really don't want another one.

This is obviously something that you have to feel is right for YOU. The husband can have his say, his opinion but of course it is YOU who will be pregnant while caring for your toddler, you who will have a newborn and a toddler to care for all the day (and the night).
What I can say that may help..I am also a stay at home mom to 15 month old twin boys. I cried when I found out at 9 weeks pregnant that I was carrying twins wondering how on earth will I be able to give each the love and care he deserves. But I did and I do!! And they are just fine, happy and loved little boys :)
Also...one of the moms wrote: "Just remember that trying to have another baby is just that for now. Even if you decide to try now, it will be a year before you actually have a baby (at least)." And I had to comment...it may be a year, or it may be more or it may be less. My cousin and his wife got pregnant their very first month trying. My husband and I on our fifth month trying. So, you never know!
Good luck what ever you decide!

The question really is, "Do you ever want more children?" If the answer is yes, then, you should go ahead and try for the second. You don't know how long it will take to get pregnant again.

I easily got pregnant with my first and when we went to try for the second so that they would be spaced out two years, it did not happen. With fertility drugs, we were finally able to conceive but it caused a lot of stress and anxiety.

Also, if you are really enjoying being a stay at home mom, the younger years go really fast. I know for me that by the time my second was five, I missed greatly all the stay at home mom things we got to do when they were younger (museums, parks, playdates during the week). By having a second, you will extend this enjoyable time.

Good luck, any choice you make will be the right one for your family.

My boys are 23 months apart.......Even though we did not plan to have them that close I am really happy we did. Surely it was hard in the begining, but when I talk to my friends who's kids are 3/4/5 year apart it was just as hard only in the different ways. The best part of having them close, the oldest will not remember what life was like before the baby, you are still in the baby "mode", and as far as attention goes, yes your oldest will get less, but when you see them start playing togather it's priceless. We are preg with our 3rd, our boys are 3 1/2 and 5 1/2...My hubby was saying for a while that he was not ready . Well now he says it's hard to imagine going back to the baby stage....it has been a while. We are excited, but I do not know if you can really be READY.

I am really the rare opinion on this i bet... i agree with your husband. This is a perfect space between kids :) They will be playmates. I waited too long between my 2nd and 3rd. You will have plenty of time and attention for two. I do and i have four. Don't worry. I am also a stay at home mom...you will find your own little happy schedule in no time.

Dear Son Shines, You would be surprised how much more enriched your life will be with two children, and good for your son. Sure there can be jealousy issues but it is how we grow. All 5 of my children are close you... can do it but only you can decide when. Grandma Mary

Leave him home to take care of your son for an entire weekend by himself. After that, he might be able to understand that you're not ready to take on another child just yet. I wouldn't rush into it. Just my 2 cents - good luck.

Can you guys compromise? My husband wanted our children 2 years apart and I wanted them 4 or 5. Our two oldest are about 3 years apart and I'll tell you, that difference was perfect! We ended up with 4 between the second and third and I can tell you, that was too much in my opinion. Now there will be 3 between the 3rd and 4th. It meant that within a month or so of one turning 2 though, we got pregnant. I'm an only child and I never wanted that for my children.

this is totally a personal choice btwn u n your husband...but i'll tell u my story. we wanted to wait til my daughter was potty trained to try again and that was in december 2009. we've been tryin ever since and are now seein a fertility dr....i'll say that we're both 38 yrs old.....but when i go for bloodwork and sit in the waiting room, i do see A LOT of women in their 20's also!! it's crazyyy!

so i say start tryin now cause u never know...
good luck! =)