Husband Told He Doesn't Want Anymore Kids.

When one person wants kids (or more kids) and the other doesn't, the no vote wins by default. Is this a dealbreaker for you? Or can you be happy with the children you have without obsessing over ones that never existed?

Just wait till they get to be teenagers. I rarely hear someone say, I wish I had more!

Why are you bitter? DH said he'll have another one if you really wanted another one. So have another baby. He's willing to do it because he can see how badly you want it. He personally doesn't want another baby - he's being honest and you can't change his feelings. But you can accept his gracious offer and be grateful. Go for it. Have a baby and love your husband for wanting to give in to what's important to you.

I can't believe people are posting "have another one--he said he'd do it if you really wanted."

Way to head for a divorce!

Why have a child only YOU really want? How selfish would that be? He tossed off that he'd do it if you wanted but has he -- have you -- thought through what that would mean? This would be another person, whose existence would change your family dynamics; your children's lives, forever; your finances; your ability to send your sons to college, possibly; your ability to do things in later years (have to wait til all the kids are old enough before you can do X or Y with them...) and so on.

Seriously. You have good old "baby lust" because you stare at baby clothes and are mourning the loss of your sons' infancies. That's normal, to miss those baby years when they were sweet and innocent and depended totally on you.

But to have another baby (and another after that?) just because you like the infant years is not a good idea. At all. I know moms who have done just that -- popped out kids three or four because they just love infants and then felt the same yearning once that new baby was a messy, demanding, active, bossy toddler - "Gee, I'd love another BABY." What about embracing and enjoying the little people that the kids become rather than wanting to return to the baby years over and over?

As someone else posted -- think about the sons you now have, not some child who does not exist. If one half of a couple feels the family is done, it IS done, period. Go out and get involved in your sons' activities and schooling as they get older, get to know their worlds, their interests. Volunteer at school and sports and Scouts etc. -- which you can't do with more babies on hand. Count the blessings you have now; get involved in a charity that helps single mothers in need; get to know your kids at all their ages and stages. But do not get pregnant and then tell your husband, "Well, you SAID that if I wanted...." You might find he didn't really dream it would happen and then you and he have a problem.

My husband told me that he didn't want anymore kids. I cried for about an hour and told him I didn't want to leave him, but before we even got together, I told him I wanted kids and if he changed his mind, I wasn't going to waste the rest of my childbearing years on him. Then we had the most serious talk of our relationship and we're set to start trying to have a baby this summer. Originally I wanted 4 and he wanted 2. Then we said 3 before we had our current 1, and now we've gone to 2. I'm sad that we will only be having those 2 (unless God makes other plans, that wouldn't be the first time in my family, both my mom and my dad's sister had "change of life" babies) but we're both content with the idea now.

Communication is important in a relationship, and so is being on the same page. You don't want to start resenting him for not letting you have another baby if that is what you really want, and you don't want him to resent you for being forced into a baby he didn't want.

get some perspective, focus on someone besides yourself and a baby that doesn't exist, appreciate what you have. yes, i said it. that's all i've got.

He didn't say no, he said he would if you wanted one. My hubby told me many times he didn't want a third. Then one day a friend came over with her newborn. Hubby spent an HOUR playing with this baby. It was obvious to me that deep down he did want another baby, and just wanted all anxious for the sleepliness nights, grumpy mommy, etc. Now he is anxiously awaiting our baby girl.

People go back and forth about having another child. It happens all the time, but one thing is clear, you never regret have another! in fact, a friend accidently got pregnant with her fourth. Her hubby didn't talk to her for a week. Now? The little guy (4th boy) is the love of her husband's life. I kid you not.

Enjoy the children you have and devote yourself and time to them and not the child you want. Hubby may not be as engaged as you and that may impact his overall involvement and engagement with a new baby.

Just read your SWH... guess my advice is a few years too late... so I will just commiserate. I am staying for the child we already have...
Maybe one day we will look back and decide it all worked out for the best... I don't think that will happen for me though.
Good luck

There comes a time in a person's life when you are "finished" with the desire to have the infant thing again. I wanted a third when we first moved to Europe and hubby didn't. About six years later he wanted one and I didn't. So we have the two. Sometimes I wished we had had the third but they way he was acting and the military it was just not in my cards.

How did I get over the "urge"? I volunteered a lot and did little kid things until I got tired of it.

There is more to life than having children. They are a part of life but not your whole life. You can be so much more than just mom. You can be the person you want to be and have a life that encompasses many things. Make sure you do things for yourself so that you have a life.

Do enjoy your husband more because once the kids are gone it will be just the two of you. It is at this stage in life when many marriages fail because they (hubby/wife) don't know each other as people just as parents and have nothing in common.

May the two of you come to a decision that both can life with soon.

the other S.

PS Life is too short.