Just wondering what other husbands do on their time off. So my daughter is on Thanksgiving break and has the whole week off. My husband is watching her but has been taking a 3 hour nap while she watches tv and he has done no cleaning or cooking whatsoever. Yes I know it's his time off and yes he is watching our 4 year old daughter. I am just venting a little since it would be nice if he could cook or clean. Instead he eats out and doesn't bother cleaning anything in our very messy house. I take days off work just to clean the house. Okay, maybe I'm being mean since it is his time off. But I just wish he would go to bed at a decent time and not 2 AM. If he went to bed at a decent time he wouldn't have to nap and could spend some time cleaning, cooking, and having enough energy with our child.
Just venting.
Ask him nicely to do something specific next time. (most) Men don't get it, and most likely never will, but most of them will be helpful if you are specific and nice (no nagging). Just say "hey, could you fold the clothes today" and see what happens.
I make lists and delegate. No one has a free ride. :)
ETA: And I'm just kind of no-nonsense about it, you know? Like there is no other option but to help out. I'm not bitchy about it, but I do say, "Oh hey, I've made a list of all the stuff that needs to get done for the holiday. Can you take a look at it and let me know what you can do. I was going to take care of blah, blah, blah. Thanks."
I'd tell him I'm going to use whatever disposable income we have to hire a cleaning person/mom's helper. I.e., that's coming out of his "fun" money. I'd make him feel the pain of that a bit more.
LeeLee's answer was better but I'm feeling snarky on your behalf.
ETA: I say this especially because you are working. I don't have my husband do much around the house but that's because he works alot and I'm here most of the time.
Sorry.
Mine, when he is off work, works out with his PowerTec equipment in the garage, his 75 lb dumbbells, uses the total gym and an exercise ball, runs (usually 5 miles), mows the lawn, edges, does laundry, empties the dishwasher, visits hospice as a volunteer, and comes up with fun stuff to do to get out of the house (last week we went to see Skyfall as a family, sometimes we go browse the bookstore or take the kids to the skate park or to walk in the village and at the pier or on the beach).
This morning, before he went to work, he went running, worked out, and stripped the bed and put the sheets in the wash.
Have you asked him to help? Or do you just assume that he should?
It sounds like he feels like it's his vacation too, kind of like a fraternity boy or a man with no kids. I would have a problem with that.
Tell him that he's had his vacation for the week now and you really need him to step up to the plate and be WITH his daughter. Tell him that you really want him to act like a dad.
Good luck getting him on board!
Dawn
Sounds sad...Sorry.... :(
You are not being mean but have fallen into imbalanced roles. WE are responsible for the roles we find ourselves in, and most importantly, the roles we redefine ourselves with.
It's time to step up and like others suggested ASK him to do something. Give him a list.
Don't make excuses like "well, it's his time off." What about YOU!!!
He sounds more like a boarder right now.
Leave a realistic list of what needs to get done. One for each day.
Sounds like a typical husband to me! Sorry, you won't get any helpful suggestions from me. I never figured out how to motivate a husband. They don't seem to see the disparity between their time (relaxing), and your time (working your butt off non-stop).
You're not mean. I think you should do whatever you can to get him involved, so you don't end up hating him. Others are suggesting you just make a list and/or tell him what needs to be done. I agree. I will add that when he complains, tell him, please don't complain. I have to do these things too.
OMG Victoria, I'm jealous.
totally get it. My husband can be like this too. Could you agree on a certain number of hours he has to be productive? If you work full-time, no reason the house is all your responsibility. Nicely explain that to him... Or does he care about money? Tell him you're hiring a cleaning crew to come in bc you can't do it all yourself. See if that wakes him up. And seriously, my sister used to say I had to take care of myself. No one else will. Do what you need to and if that means hiring someone, so be it. Unfortunately you just can't depend on a lot of men to be rational and fair when it comes to these things. And since he's not cooking, don't you cook either. Dinner tonight? Your daughter is 4 so doesn't need anything fance and pick up a sandwich for yourself and ignore his dinner needs. Or - if he's normally good/helpful and just really being a bum this one week, let it go. I know how annoying this is though. My husband would be the same way staying up super late and then being "tired". GRRRR!
my husband is off duty when he is off work.. in his chair.. tv on.. or reading a book..
no cleaning no cooking.. general child supervision.. but not care..
