My Mother in law has hated me since the beginning. She had a girl picked out for my husband already but he was never into the girl so he broke up with her. 9 months after that he met me, but his mom still had hopes that he would give the other girl a chance so she was never nice or inviting to me hoping to run me away. Well she did end up doing that a year into our relationship. The stress was to much and my Husband (Boyfriend at the time) was doing nothing to stop it even thought he said he didn't like the way she was treating me.
Well 3 months after the break up I gave him another chance. He started speaking up for me to his mom and we spent less time around her. 4 years later we got married and he wanted to start over with his mom so he invited her to the wedding. She was nice to me and my family and I really thought things were going to be good. Boy was I wrong.
6 months later when we told her I was pregnant she was furious and told us the only reason she was showing us so much support at our wedding was because she thought we weren't going to last. Apparently she's been telling the other girl that our relationship was never going to last and getting her hopes up that my Husband was going to dump me and go back to her. I just don't understand their thinking. They were only together for 8 months and that was 5 f****** years ago UGH!
After my Daughter was born my mother in law was really laying it on thick and the other woman was starting to show up more. She was so happy to see my husband but he could barely remembered her because like I said they only dated for 8 months 5 years ago and he was never really into her.
Well fast forward to now, we have two kids and my mother in law loves them and the other woman finally moved on with her life but she still trying to break us up and my husband and I are both sick of it. I told him I was finally going to set her straight and he told me he wanted to do it because it was his mom. Well he told her off and she thinks its all my fault that he's mad at her and now that we both stopped talking to her she's trying to tear our family apart. She's been making false reports about us abusing our children and she trying to get custody of them.
So my question is how do we stop this?? We're scared that she going to do something to make us lose our children and we're thinking about moving far away from her just so the craziness will stop. Any advice?
P.S. I was writing this while angry so I could have missed some important detail if so let me now and I will fill you in.
My MIL is like this so we moved and it made a huge difference. Everyone else moved out of town too. Now some only talk to her on facebook and she knows anything she says can be made public so she behaves.
Moving far far away sounds like a good idea.
Your MIL doesn't sound mentally all there.
Maybe your hubby should have her declared mentally incompetent.
I wouldn't let the kids have contact with her anymore.
Try living somewhere on the west coast or at least far enough away that you are no longer in the same time zone.
Welcome to mamapedia!!
You need to remove the swearing. Your question will get pulled for that...well - at least it should - swearing is not allowed.
You have been married for 5 years and your mother is law is STILL telling this other chick that your relationship is troubled? How do you know this? Does she tell you this to your face or do you hear her talking about it?
What does your husband say?
How do you stop this? You need to cut her out of your life. As much as it might hurt your husband - if he wants your marriage to work - he needs to go to his mom and tell her - once and for all - STOP THE NONSENSE - if you do not - you will miss out on me and your grandchildren. THIS is the W. I have chosen. Accept her and move on or not and lose us all.
Keep in mind - you CANNOT force your husband to make this decision. He has to want to make it on his own and not be coerced into making it. This is not an ultimatum from YOU. It's his to his mother.
If she is making false claims - you could sue her for slander and defamation of character - yep - pretty ballsy - but if you want to make a statement - that will be it.
If your husband is willing to move - then do it. I would make sure that you are both on the same page.
What a nightmare!
She put the nail in her own coffin with the false accusations to Social Services. Cut this toxic person out of your lives. If she continues to contact you, file for a restraining order. Seriously. You do not have to live with this level of stress. (get your husband on board - you have to take this action jointly)
We have a very difficult relationship with my in-laws, and while they have stalked and harassed us, they have not called Social Services. I understand the feeling of living under constant attack from someone who professes to "love" your family, but that is not love. She is trying to get her needs met through your children, which is so, so wrong. We had the opportunity to move across the country and jumped at it. We radically limit our contact with them and *finally* sleep peacefully at night.
Good luck - your situation sounds awful.
Well, some people are toxic and there's no reason not to cut them out of your life. You don't need her poisoning your children's minds. I have a friend who's MIL can't understand why friend doesn't speak to her, despite the fact that she tried to pay her son not to marry her the day of their wedding and tried to fix him up with a girl while they were married (although, in the girl's defense, she was told he was divorced and backed off as soon as he told her he was married.) so she's always telling son that she wants to be friends with his wife, why won't she friend her on facebook, why can't she see the kids, etc. Thankfully, the son stands up to his mother, but the only saving grace for them is that they live hours apart. And he never leaves her alone with the children because they don't know what she says behind their backs.
If your husband has told his mother off, if she's making false accusations against you, completely cut her out. If moving is possible, consider it.
Move. Then don't contact her unless you really want to have a long distance relationship.
The laws for grandparents are in their favor. If she does take you to court to get some sort of visitation she'll get her day in court. Unless you have valid credible proof she has abused your kids or put them in harms way she "might" be able to get some sort of court ordered visitation. BUT it might get thrown out too.
Wow, his mom really sounds mental. I mean, really crazy. I would find a way to move away from her....far. That's all you can do to protect your family. She sound beyond overprotective and controlling! You poor thing.
BPDFamily.com. See if it fits. There are lessons on setting boundaries and communication. There is a board on there for people with your problems with false accusations from people with BPD. Good luck. Never tell her she has it.
I think your husband should try to talk to her. He should say that you are both concerned about her. He should have the name of a counselor for her personally and the name of a family counselor with him. I would tell her this is her last chance to be a member of your family. That you both want her to be involved in her grandchildren's lives but that you are at your wits ends and will not tolerate her making false accusations and trying to tear your family apart. Your husband needs to tell her that she clearly needs some mental help in order to be able to let go of the past (her hopes and desires for him to marry this other girl, etc.) and to work on her anger management skills (angry with you should not end with her calling CPS). Harboring this much ill will and anger is not good for anyone. He should also say that the two of you are willing to go to a family counselor with her to make an attempt to get to the bottom of these issues with each other and to make an effort to move beyond them. If she's not willing to do anything or if she just blows up, your husband needs to tell her that he's really sorry, that one day he knows she will regret this and will probably need him but that he has to put his wife and his children first. Then he needs to cut off all communication and look into getting a restraining order against her. I would make sure to tell all neighbors, schools, daycares, etc. that your mother-in-law is mentally unstable and NOT allowed, under any circumstances, to pick up your children or speak to them alone. Tell your children the same thing (gently - "Grandma is sick..."). Remove her ability to retaliate.
