Husband Sent Inaporpiate Email, What to Do?

Remember that the first year of marriage is considered to be the toughest. The two of you are making huge adjustments from being single to being a part of a couple. Even tho you were a couple before marriage being a married couple is different, not only in the way that you act, make decisions etc. but also in the way you feel. Counseling is good and will help in making the adjustment.

He had a "great time last night"? Did you see the messages preceding that one? I'm wondering what he meant by a "great time"... That would make a difference in my answer because I don't know if he was just "complaining" about your fight and wanting sympathy and I'm sure this girl was MORE than happy to give it to him OR if there was something else going on like naughty chatting...

That's strange too that her profile picture is of her behind. FaceBook allows that? There are parents who allow their children to have FB and it sounds to me like it's turning more and more into a dating/hook up site to me.

I don't understand what the heck the poster "Peg M" is saying in fact it irritated me to read it & this topic obviously is upsetting you so why should you accept this just because "studies show..."

Your new husband clearly was out of line. Don't be naive, you cannot be certain that he's never done anything like this before or be certain that he wasn't taking his talk a bit further like sex talk. A guy knows that a girl will read into "had a great time last night, we should talk again". You have a lot to think about. Sorry you are going thru this

They only cry when caught! I would be livid!

Well the good thing is that you are going to go to counseling. Even though you said you trust him and love him I think you are hurt and not trusting him right now. So the best way to deal with it would be with a counselor. If he deleted that friend and the otherones that you didn't like that shows that he is sorry and it didn't mean anything to him. But, it is a matter of trust now. Just be patient and don't give up. Stick together and fight for your marriage! If you can go see a counselor at your church, that would help you a lot too.
Blessings

This is an overwhelming problem with many couples, you are not alone! My husband and I have heard of a few people this has happened to. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that it's human nature to feel wanted and the internet let's you "get away" with things that are totally inappropriate for married people to be doing. It's an easy way for people to feel sexy and taboo and have the best of both worlds...and it's not ok!!! I agree that he should be sharing his facebook with you or get rid of it. If he can't do either of those things, there is something else going on. It's great that you are in counseling! Don't give up on your marriage so quickly. It is horrible that you are such newlyweds with these issues, but you can get through them. You married him for a reason and see value in your relationship. You are married, you can work through it.

I believe your new hubby meant well. That's just one of the ills of internet these days and it doesn't always describe motives. You should know your husband and trust him. What makes this case seem innocent is that your husband did not deny the email, the message. He deleted her from his facebook and he showed some remorse. You just got married, so don't blow it out of proportion. If you don't think you married a jerk, then dismiss this as an innocent mistake.

I hope you don't continue to be naive and believe him. If he "stopped talking to her" after she "asked if he liked her photo", then why did he e-mail her "had a great time last night, we should talk again"?

Go to the counseling and get everything out on the table before making your decision on how to proceed.

Actions speak louder than words! Always remember that.... not matter what he says, what he does shows you his true nature.
To me you should have full access to all email accounts (That you know of) and FB ect... Period. If he says no, then that action should tell you something.
I would also keep up on phone records ect.
If you want to really dig deep there are computer software out there that can really tell you what he does on the computer. Just google it and you will find them....
Not saying you are there yet, but just throwing that out there.

Bottom line is men and women love to be loved. The thrill of the chase is always appealing and exciting. When you get married that kinda all ends. I love my husband to death and would never cheat on him, but I do miss the fun of flirting or knowing someone knew could be around the corner.
HOWEVER with that being said I make a choice NOT to flirt or cheat. We can miss certain things about being single, but we all make choices in how we deal. We don't die when we get married and we can still find other attractive and day dream, but we can not act on those feelings.

My husband and I are very open and we talk about this often. We even allow eachother to say certain people are good looking or joke about what we would do if we weren't married, but we never act on it. I think because we talk about it, it is just out in the open and we can be honest when we see a good looking person ect. I am even friends with a few of his friends on FB and we banter back and forth. Sometimes it can be kinda flirty, BUT I always show my husband or include him in the game and he thinks it is funny and likes I am friends with his friends. We just trust eachother like that.... we also know eachothers emails, passwords and FB accounts.

Good luck and always follow your gut!

its very hard to give advice to people that you dont know. i have no idea what kinda relationship you have or what kind of people you both are seperately. but all i can say is people make mistakes and you should trust your insincts. if you feel like he is lying about how far he took it then maybe you should go by that and move on from there. marriage with anyone male or female is very hard and trying. there are always good times bad times and in between. for those that say he is lying flat out.....i only say how do they know, some people come to this conclusion because they have trust issues in their own lives. maybe you caught it just in time and now that he has been caught and has the feeling that he might lose you it will make him think twice about ever doing it again. they say you dont appreciate what you have until its gone or is at the risk of being taken away. or maybe he is a manipulative person and you have always suspected him of cheating the entire time you have been together. in which case i would say you should probably cut your losses. too much worry involved if you cant regain your trust in him. your suspicions will drive you insane and also drive him away. good luck with whatever you decide..... and dont let anyone talk you into making a decision your heart is not in

#1. If this girl on facebook has just her butt as her profile pic, she could be anyone: an underage girl, a married woman, or even a man.... your hubby should be more private on facebook if he wants to preserve his marriage and not get into trouble.

#2. I think it is likely that your husband is crying because he was caught.

#3. I think counseling can be helpful if you want to try to work things out with your husband, but if he has these tendencies after only two months together, when you are supposed to be in your honeymoon period, then it might be a long road to recovery... think about what you really want, and realize that you can't change anyone but yourself. Best wishes!!

First of all... he's lying. Second of all, it's up to you whether you're going to put up with it. Let him know how you feel. Let him know you're not okay with it. And let him know that it WILL NOT happen again. You are not a doormat.

Counseling is wonderful. It works. I definitely encourage it. It will teach the two of you how to better communicate with each other.

First of all, I want to say woman to woman - I am so sorry you are going through this. Being women, we all know how deeply we feel and how greatly we love - especially our mates, kids etc.
Secondly, marriage is hard work. And then it's some more work, and then you work at is some more. Kudos for being in counseling. This is definitely something to discuss in counseling.
Thirdly, if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's a duck. Hubby is way way way out of line. Sounds like he doesn't need to have a facebook account or myspace or anything else. Not to beat up on hubby, it sounds like your talking about a teenager or 20 something year old. He was so emotional and crying because he got caught up and he is ashamed and he may actually be feeling hurt that he hurt you so deeply. Let him squirm and be uncomfortable. He may need individual therapy to address this issue as it seems he feels out of control.

Wow, less than two months......

I don't know isn't an answer, and some guys when caught in a position they don't want to be in can cry........don't know your hubby, but just saying.

Words are cheap........and the fact that he left his facebook "open" is a little suspicious too........like he wanted you to find it.....

I don't know that I would trust him completely at this point.....something is up with him, something is wrong..........
Is this the first fight you have had since you've been married? Has he disappeared for a few hours after a fight before? Works late?

I guess the best thing to tell you is this........if this was reversed, and YOU decided to do this, why would you do it? Also, what would he think?

Counseling is an excellent idea, although at being married less than two months, this is not a good sign........you should be really happy right now......and enjoy living together, being married and being a family....

Good Luck and hang in there......take care.

I'm not married, but I went through this with my daughter's father. We got through it, but it was very hard. First, your husband needs to grow up. Second, I would have either a joint FB account or have him delete his totally. If he doesn't agree to that, at least share your passwords with each other. I'd keep an eye on his phone, too.

how much drama is there around this "facebook"? who just starts talking to people on FB?
He was way out of line and he knew it. Let me tell you something. Don't let him bring you down to his level. Keep your self-respect. Keep your friends in real-life. That was a real dumb move that has immature written all over it. I'm angry at him for you. There's no excuse. At least now you know and your eyes are open. I just want to tell people if you don't want to act married then don't walk down the aisle!!!

I am not trying to diminish your feelings here in any way, but it sounds to me like you are making a mountain out of a molehill. And you need to figure out why. As long as your husband wasn't inappropriate in any way, then I don't think this is a big deal. He's come clean, he's apologized, and he's told you nothing happened. The question is, do you think he's telling you the truth? You say that you do, but your actions don't back that up. The fact is people we care about hurt us in life all the time. Our parents do, our friends do, even our children do. But we don't go running from them (unless the indiscretion is unforgivable). We accept their apologies and we move on. That is, as long as we trust them and believe they are truly sorry.

Keep in mind that what other people do, even your husband, is not about you - it's about him. Conversely, your reactions to what he does has everything to do with you. What I'm saying is the issue here is really internal, with you. The fact that you're saying the marriage may not be worth it leads me to believe you have some trust issues in general. Those belong to you and you should work to resolve them. Perhaps the real issue here is that you are insecure. Or maybe it's that you've been hurt before and you are projecting that person's sins onto your husband. Afterall, you did say you thought *he'd* never hurt you like this - leads me to believe someone else in your past has. Or maybe it's that your husband really is untrustworthy. Entirely possible. If that is the case, if you discover through this process that your husband really isn't worthy of your trust, then you're right - no marriage is worth that. But you'll need to look within to find that answer instead of on the outside.

Hopefully some of this made sense! Good luck! And hang in there.

Any girl whose FB picture is of her butt is a skank IMO. It sounds like your husband definitely had a huge lapse of judgment, to say the least. He may not be used to being married yet, but if you and he were in an exclusive relationship before getting married, he should have already known that talking to skanky girls on FB was NOT appropriate in any way.

You need to sit down and have a heart to heart with him. Tell him that you feel like he only deleted her etc. because he got caught- if you had never seen that message, he was encouraging this girl to keep in touch and contact him again!! He needs to do more than just mope and say he didn't mean it.

He has betrayed both your trust and the trust of your marriage, even if nothing happened. Online, this is exactly how things START to happen, even if he doesn't have that specific intention. You should not get married if you expect to keep hitting on girls, even virtually. Explain to your husband that this is just the same as if he was hitting on a girl in a bar. Ask him how he would have felt if he had checked YOUR FB page and found you talking to another man that way??

When you have a spat, (and you WILL, it is bound to happen) you and he MUST talk it out. There is truth to the saying 'don't let the sun rise on your anger'. You need to agree to disagree sometimes, but you have to clear the air and know that your love for one another is so much more important than any temporary disagreement if your marriage is to be successful.

Ask your husband why his reaction to an arguement with you was to talk to another woman? After all, he could have gone out with some guy friends for a beer, called his dad for advice,gone fishing or played a video game- there are so many other ways he could have diffused his feelings that do NOT involve other women.

This is not a deal-breaker to your new marriage. But if this kind of thing continues, it definitely would be for me. You need to talk this out, set FIRM boundaries that both of you will stick to about interacting with the opposite sex and- this comes from someone whose ex-husband had a SERIOUS internet addiction- your husband needs to realize that meeting someone online who flirts with you is not any 'safer' or different from meeting her in a bar! He needs to understand that you and your little family are his priority now and man up when you have a disagreement!

Good luck!

You have a right to feel mad and violated. And, rest assured you are not alone. Many people have betrayed their spouse in this way. There are resources for both of you. People who say this is acceptable behavior, or "all men do it, honey" are full of it and they are accepting behavior in their marriage that is destructive.

Counseling is good, accountability is a must. If your husband is sorry for what happened, he will want to earn back your trust. I know many couples that share their email and facebook passwords. My husband and I do this. And (stress AND), there are online accountability either by filters or my favorite a program that will send a complete list of your online activity to the people of your choice. The program is called Covenant Eyes. There are many, many out there. If your husband resists the accountability, that should be a red flag.

The battle doesn't end with just your husband. If and when you have children, online filters will protect them from surfing to sites not meant for their young eyes (or any eyes!).

Good luck...don't give up. A good marriage is a lifelong challenge worth fighting tooth and nail to win.

PS My husband just read your post and said, "If her husband has a sexual addiction he'll lie about it until he can't."