I have 3 herniated discs in my back. The docs around here with the exception of my new one have been no help. They happened when I was 6 months prego with my 2nd child who is now 2. It took them until she was 5 months old and I layed my first child down to nap and I put her on my bed to change her diaper. I sat on the bed to play with her a little first and then all of a sudden I couldn't move I just fell over and was lucky I didnt fall off the bed or that she didn't roll off. I couldn't get to the phone to call my husband or anyone for help and both she and I was stuck there on the bed. I could only pray that she'd just cry and not roll around since I was terrified that she'd fall off the bed! Now I go through pain therapy and get shots in my back. We were lucky that my husband called and when he got no answer he panicked and told them something was wrong and he was going home to check on us.
Now in March he leaves us for 3 months for more training before they move us to a different base in Oct 07. We are both terrified at what may happen if my back goes out again like that. Me more so then him. I have always taken care of myself since I was 13 so depending on him the last few years has been hard for me and now that he will not be here there are times where I get panic attacks about just thinking about it.
I have done everything I can think of to make things easier including seeing to it that they will both be put in daycare in the mornings to be able to run errands in the morning and what not. To offset the cost we are turning off the cable. Granted we will have to rely on our incomes taxes to make up the rest of the cost.
He is stressed and I am stressed more and has got us snipping at each other at times. He is going to be in the Air Force for life and my condition is also life long. We thought about getting out but then we couldn't afford my health care with out the military. So we will have to go through even longer periods of him being gone eventually and I feel like we are not even going to make it through this one. The only thing holding things together is the thought that I have no choice to.
I have no clue how to make things better or easier for us or the kids. Any tips or advice? I would be greatful.
B.
I totally feel where you are coming from, my husband is in the army and he has a herniated disc which causes him very bad pain. I just wanted to say good luck to you and just try and stay strong hopefully it will all work out for the best!
P.
ok my mom had the same problem, i feel ya on the whole the doc around here don't know anything deal, she finally went to babtist in nc and they told her what was wrong, she had the surgery and she was up and running in like 6 mths, but i know that you can't do that with toddlers, so i would take the last ones suggestion, go to a pt and get them to wrk with you, i know that its going to hurt the first couple of times but they will get you to where you need to be that way you can go about you life as normal
Hey B.,
I'm so sorry you are having all these problems! I would also suggest a chiropractor, my mom had lots of back problems and she found a good one that really helped her, she went several times and then didn't have to go back. I know your problem is more severe, but that might help.
I don't really know what to say about your husband, I know that has to be hard, my best friend's husband is in the Army and he is in Iraq AGAIN! The one thing I would suggest for the time he is away would be one of those medical alert bracelets...I work at a hospital and we offer what we call a lifeline, and even though mostly older people use them...I would say in your situation it would be a great ease off your mind! That way if anything happened while he was gone at least somebody would be able to help!
I hope this helps some, and good luck. Just try to remember why you got married in the first place and fight for it!
Hi B.,
I am an ex-military wife, but it's been a while. Could your doctor get you one of the medic alert buttons to wear around your neck? If not, you might want to consider a pre-paid cell phone (minimal expense) to keep near you at all times for an emergency. From what I understand, with the pre-paid phone, there is no monthly contract and you can pre-pay a minimal amount of time for emergencies. (I'm sorry for making the assumption, but I guessed that if you were turning off cable, you might not have a cell phone.)
Good luck!!
Got to love those base DRs!!! We are Marine Corps so I'm not too familiar with the family support systems you have being Air Force but I'm sure that there has to be something. We have a system for the wives called the Key Volunteer network. We give family members referals for things like the Red Cross, or Tricare numbers, etc. We don't do things like babysitting or transportation. Do you have anything like that on base? Or someone, a neighbor that can call or come over once or twice a day to check on you? I know it is scary having little ones and never knowing when you back it going to do a number on you!! Check out Military One Source, they have all sorts of info and free stuff they can send to you and they serve all branches of the service!! http://www.militaryonesource.com/skins/MOS/home.aspx
HTHs, hang in there!!
S.
Hi B.,
My mom also had herniated discs in her back. She was on bedrest for 4 months and the doctors wanted to operate on her back. My mom has a huge phobia with doctors and doesn't trust them as far as she could throw them, so she did go to a great physical therapist. She went to a chiropractor for about a year and it just made things worse. When she found out her friend had similar problems from a different one she finally followed my advice and went to a physical therapist. It was one that I knew from the gym I worked at. He had her up and moving around like she was normal in 2 months. I know that there are some really good chiropractors out there, but if you get the one that's not, who knows how much worse things could get?
Also, be VERY faithful in your back and stomach exercies. This is essential to keeping your back from further problems. I made my mom start working out doing videos at home with weight lifting and she still has to watch it a little, but she's now 70 years old and running around like a very healthy 50 year old with very few back problems. I would suggest doing The Firm videos, my mom only uses the first three they ever made and she loves them. She also walks all the time. If her back starts to get tight or bother her, she heads out the door. Walking has probably been the best exercise for her back. It makes her totally mobile. I hope that helps & my heart goes out to you. It's a very tough thing to go through.
As far as the marriage goes, I don't know anyone who doesn't go through something like this at least once in their marriage. We are Army and my husband actually started off as a reservist. He has worked the corporate world and I'm telling you be so grateful for the military! If you think it's bad that he's gone for three months, imagine him having a job where he not only can't leave work to come help you, but you never see him (even on holiday's) because he is always working. My husband's boss would hold their jobs over their heads all the time. It was terrible, and that was worse on our marriage than when my husband was gone for 2 years total for training and then deployment right after! I learned a lot about how to save a marriage. The first thing is you have to really look at them like they are...men. They have very simple needs; love, food and machoism. They don't want to feel helpless (and your back problems make him feel helpless - trust me). I look at all the time I put into my children (I'm a homeschooler so it's A LOT of time) and then I look at how little I put into my husband. It's not a lot. I really work hard (and still do) to make sure that I don't jump on him when he gets home from work. I keep the kids away from him (even on those days when I want to bang my head through the wall) and let him talk about his day & change his clothes. I also make sure I have a nice dinner ready within an hour of him getting home. Just try those 2 things and see how much more he'll help you the rest of the evening. It's amazingly worth it! I swallow my pride a lot and let my husband feel like a man. I always get my way this way...believe it or not, I just have to be patient. I also make sure that I give him a good hour of attention after the kids have gone to bed, this is usually where I can unload about my day and he loves listening to it all by then and it actually helps you draw closer. I know I've said a lot, but if you want some good help with your relationship, read the book by Dr. Schlessinger "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands". You may not agree with all the examples in the book, I know I sure didn't. I was downright mad the first time I read it, but really wanted to save the marriage so I thought I'd try a few of the simple things she said to and like magic they worked! I started to realize how much I had let go in the relationship and that I was mad because I realized she was right about a lot of things. It sounds like you two really love each other and just need a boost in the relationship that is away from all the stress. I hope that I've helped you & let me know if I can help you out more.
Y.
I live with back pain every day of my life...a chiropractor has made a world of difference for me...have you been to one? Both my sciatic nerves became inflamed with my first child and I also have constant pain in the middle of my back from a car wreck last year. My children have learned that I cant always pick them up and that they have to help me reach stuff on the floor.....and we keep a heating pad by the bed so on especially bad nights that seems to bring some releif. I too have been stuck in a position and could not move and had to lay there till my 2 year old could bring me the phone...(it was early morning and i didnt want to wake him up) Make sure your children can reach the phone and even teach your 4yr old how to dial 911. Those little things have helped me alot.....Good Luck!
Hi B....I am gonna be frank and honest with you. You must understand that your husband has got an obligation to the military. This is something that he must do...I know that you want your husband there with you and your child, and that's only natural. But this is this man's job. Cut him some slack!!
I am also aware that you are afraid that your injury may flair up again while your husband is away...but I am sure that you have some family and friends that can watch out for you while he is away. Just relax, pray and leave it in God's hands.
it may not seem helpful but have they discussed surgery with you? i had 3 herniated discs with a perforation up my spine 12 years ago also in the lower back and i was temporarily parylized. his company came and took care of me and a friend took the kids till he could get back. the only thing you really have to plan for is short term care. they will send him home if anything happens to you. it sounds glib but its not. i know where youre coming from my husband was in england and i knew only one person. thank god they took all 5 of my kids. he was back in a day and the surgery was over already. we army/air force wives endure. ask around for someone to keep the kids in case of emergency and see if your friends will call and check on you or you call them daily. im sure several people would be willing to check on you periodically and believe everything will be ok. it takes me thru every day. my husband works on the road now. hes home 4 days a month. people check on me and panic when i dont answer the phone by the second try ...lol. i know this is serious which is why i say a contingency plan is in order. im now 2 years past the date they gave me for a second surgery...yeah!!! we tough and we military breed stick together. just ask around youll be surprised at the responce.
It is normal to be a little paranoid anfter something like that happens! I can think of two things you might do to calm your fears... one is to get a cordless or cellular phone that you can carry in your pocket or clipped to your jeans at all times. The other is to look into one of those medical alert necklaces. You know, the commercials where the old lady says "i've fallen and i can't get up!" You can wear it on a lanyard around your neck and just push a button to alert someone that you're in trouble. Just a few thoughts for you.
