Need advice because Im so frustrated with my Husband.
I have posted on this site several times about my issues. This weekend has been extremely difficult. I have a two and four year old. I'm extremely tired and frustrated with them fighting and whinning all weekend. I have to do everything for them because they feel I should be the one. Not daddy.
Plus my house is a hot mess. I'm constantly cleaning but it does no good.
While this is going on my husband has an attitude all weekend. He his been behaving like a twelve year old girl with an attitude problem because he is not getting any sex. First of all, when does he think I would have time for such a thing when I'm busy with the boys and the house needs cleaning, grocery need to be bought, and laundry has to be done. I only have the weekend to do this because I work outside the home 40 hours per week. He is such a manchild that it does no good to try and talk to him about his behavior because it always goes through one ear and out the other. He's the victim. And he does not get it.
Besides that how am I suppose to have romantic feelings for a grown man who behaves like one of the kids?
I thought about doing it with him to appease him and get him off my back but I'm so turned off by his behavior.
I need some advice PLEASE!!
Hi B.!
Make him earn sex... If he does the dishes, or picks up a certain room... then he can get something in return. Let him know you are turned on by him helping and acting his age. Write up a contract with what you want and in return he can have what he wants if he follows the contract..(your rules of course!) This way you are getting what you need and he is getting what he wants and you both have fun doing it.
I agree with carrie! The happier you make hubby the more willing he would be to help out... Instead of saying NO, I don't feel like it... say things like tell you what honey... If you can help pick the toys up in the living room I'll be naked before your done...and I'll be all over you!!! Of course using the appropriate flirty body language...
You have 2 young kids. So you can make a decision right now... A. let the house be lived in and not the "perfect" house. B. Ignore your kids and hubby to clean the house and end up in court meanwhile giving yourself a mental break down while fighting the losing clean house battle.
I chose my family a long time ago... Laundry still gets done one load a night. Yes, the load sits in the washer until I put it in the dryer... No I have never had stinky clothes from it... I only have to do one load of dishes a day to have an empty sink and that is after dinner. Dusting? lol only if I have the windows open and the wind is blowing... I vacuum about 2 times a week and when needed... But we also don't eat in the living room. Helps when you don't have a tv to vegge in front of.
I keep my kids toys in small totes. One per "type" of toys. Then the kids can't do the dump the toy box game. They get out one tote, and have to clean it up BEFORE getting out the next.
Your kids are young. But your 4 yr old is old enough to help out. They can help pick up their own toys. Our 4 yr old sets the table for dinner... And our almost 2 yr old follows his example and trys to help.
Right now you are feeling stressed out. Try to slow down and YES! JUMP YOUR HUBBY... Thats a real destresser. :-)
HINT: Next time your turned on in the slightest grab his arm and whisper in his ear that you want HIM... See how fast he drops everything and you guys end up in the bed room... Just make sure the kids are occupied and lock the door. Cause really, its never like in the movies... Its really only about 15 min. or so... Not 3 hours...
I don't know of any woman who has not been there. My kids are 12 and 14 and when mine were young we too went through this. My advice is comunication. I know it sounds silly but you have to tell him what you need. He is clearly telling you what he needs, so return the favor.If its help around the house or help with the kids? whatever, think of something you need and let him rise to the challenge and then you will be less stressed and respect him more. Try not to treat him as a child because you are right that will not help the situation at ALL. You want your man to be a partner, that is what will turn you on. :) I can tell you that your needs will change and just as if you were to give him alittle... he WILL want more....SO WILL YOU, not sex but help and your need will change from time to time! Its ok to not be perfect, to not a have a spotless house ( and I like a clean house) relize that before long the kids will be gone and you will have a clean house, but will you have a partner to share it with? So ask for what you need, men are great but lets face it ....They are just a guy! Good luck.
I am sorry to here about your issues, and I really don't have that good advice for you, but I will tell you what helps me. First let the things around the house go for a while, especially on the weekends. Make weekends your family time, only do the necessary things. When you do have to clean up only take about 10 minutes a room, that way you no what it is that you have to do in there that cant wait, and then after the ten minutes move on and do something for yourself or with the family. I never take a whole day to do housework, why would I do that when its gonna look the same way the next day. Do the bare minimum in 10 and you won't feel guilty about leaving it. Also, you might not agree with me on this but as for the husband thing, I have found that the happier you keep your husband the more helpful and less whiny he will be. If his needs arent met he gets grouchy, well isn't it the same with us. When we arn't getting our needs met we get grouchy and whine that nobody is helping us or giving us what we need. Its ok for us to complain about our husbands not giving us help, but our poor husbands usually only want one thing from us, because you no they think with there third leg most of the time, and we won't give in. I love my husband very much and I keep him very happy and in doing so he keeps me very happy by helping out alot around the house. We have a 50 50 relationship and it is great. Sure we have problems and yes there are days when I don't want to give into his demands but its fine because he knows I will always be there for him, and I know he will always be there for me. We have been together since we were 16 and I never ever regret a moment with him. Just hang in there and remember to love each other. Housework will always be around but one day your husband might not be.
I unfortunatly do not have any advise because I am in the exact same situation as you minus some hours a week (I only work 2 hours a day) and add 2 kids. I have a 17 yr old and 6 1/2 yr old triplets. I also have medical problems, anemia (have been hospitalized once and almost a second time), diabetes, low vitamin D, ect. I am exhausted all the time. By the time I get to the weekend I am spent. I do nothing but drive kids to appts, several a day Monday - Saturday. They are fighting constantly. My husband yells constantly instead of helping. Gives his ugly dirty looks and then thinks we will be having sex on the weekend. This morning I wasnt feeling good and his alarm woke me up twice. I got up for a little bit and then tried to go back to bed, he came in and got into bed with me and started bugging me and crowding me. I finally had to get up because I couldn't take it anymore.
We need to start a support group.
I just read the best book and I think that it will help my marriage alot. It is called the 5 Love Languages. It will be helpful if you can get your husband to read it as well but not necessary. The book turned a bright light on for me. When My husband and I are not loving each other the way that we need to be loved then we tend to get irritable and argue more. It took awile but convince my husband to read the book but he did tell me on friday that if I leave it in the bathroom he will read it when he is in there for while ;)
Blessings, K.
