Hey there moms,
My husband's work schedule, well wait there is no schedule. The hours are so varied from day to day, even week to week. I, for the most part have become used to it. But my 3 yr old son still seems to get confused i guess. I thought he was passed the stage that kids think when mommy or daddy leave they don't come back. I leave him with my mom often, he even goes to school 2x a week. But, he is satrting to say things like "Daddy is not coming home anymore?" Maybe he really wants to say When is daddy coming home?
I just think that the lack of consistency might be getting to him? What do u all think? How can i give him an explanation that he would understand?
I would just say "Daddy is _always_ coming home. He's just a busy guy! Today he'll be home at X."
Maybe start helping him find words for missing Dad, since that's probably part of the problem. Good luck!
maybe you could make him a calendar on the fridge that has Dad's schedule on it. he could X off the days, and also this could be a teaching tool for him to learn to tell time. You would have to put a digital clock somewhere that he could see it as well. You might just even want to put the time that dad gets Off work on the calendar, or the time about that he would be home. so if he gets off at 8 - and it takes him 30 minutes approx. to get home - put 8:30 on the calendar - then he can check the clock for 8:30 and know that Dad will be home soon.....just a thought.....
My hubby has a very crazy schedule also. But what does help my boys is that he calls about the same time every night he is at work to say good night to them and ask them about their day. Can your hubby call him at night?
How far in advance do you know what your husbands schedule will be for the week? Maybe at the beginning of every week you could make a chart for your son to see of when daddy leaves for work and when he comes home. Integrate your husbands schedule into your son's schedule of the day. That might put your husbands schedule into context for your son. ex: make a chart of your son's whole day on daily calendar, wake up, breakfast, daddy leaves for work, go to school, etc. If your sons asks where daddy is you can say "lets go look at the calendar" and explain that daddy will be home from work after dinner or after nap, etc.
You are me years ago. They do adjust. Just keep reassuring him that
Daddy will be home. Then when Daddy is home make the best of every
minute. At 3, they really do not have a sense of time. He does understand
after dinner, after we play outside etc.
My son would ask something like that when he was that age. Daddy worked lot's of overtime and a lot of the time he wouldn't come home before bedtime.
I'd just tell our son "Daddy's working hard for us and he'll come give you a kiss good night just as soon as he comes home.".
Maybe have your husband give your son something of his to have or "take care of" until he sees him again? Maybe your son can sleep with one of your husband's t-shirts too? Have your husband tell him "Daddy's going to be at work for a while but you can wear my shirt to bed. it will be like I'm hugging you all night long while you sleep" Make sure your husband tells him that he'll be home X-time (or tomorrow or whatever). Good luck.
Kids love to see things in writing. Make a chart for the week (laminate it so you can use it over and again.) Put a colored line for Daddy through the hours he will be at work. This way he will know what to expect - they love routine and knowing what is coming next. So, maybe have some symbols - sun for wakeup, moon for sleep - then he can see if daddy will be there when he is around - when he wakes up, when he eats, when he takes his bath, when he goes to bed.
Three-year-olds are not old enough to understand a lot of things. But they're trying hard to sort out the complications of the world around them. That's why threes and fours are famous for using the word "why" in every other sentence.
Tell him, "Daddy goes to work/to the office/whatever. Sometimes he comes home after a short time and sometimes he comes home after a long time. But he ALWAYS COMES HOME!" If your son asks this question a thousand times, answer him a thousand and one times.
How your boy feels about it, mostly, will come from your attitude. If you show him by your attitude that the crazy work schedule is OK and you're not worried or afraid, pretty soon he won't be worried or afraid, either. That won't keep him from asking you questions, though!
I work an odd schedule too - 3 overnights a week, except for 1 out of 3 weekends where it's day shifts Sat and Sun (I am an emergency veterinarian). Our DD is 3 and generally does not like it when I have to leave for work, but she's not yet old enough to understand WHY I have to work, or that I actually end up home with her more than many moms who work a more typical 9 to 5 M- F job (and way more than I would if I worked at a typical day practice, which would be more like 10 to 12 hours a day, 5 to 6 days a week).
There is so much that they are just not capable of understanding at this age, the best you can do is let them know that you will miss them too, and you will always come home, and be patient and give it time. Kids at this age also don't always understand time, and concepts like "yesterday" and "tomorrow" and "2 days" - it's still all a big blur. There are 2 other vets where I work who work the same schedule (1 weekday overnight shift and 2 weekend shifts, either overnight or day), and 1 of them is a mother of 4 (12 year old twins, 9 yo and 6 yo). She's been at it for 3 years. Her kids will still sometimes put up a fuss about her leaving but they are at an age where she can level with them and let them know that this is the way it is and she has more time with them at home then she would otherwise. They are at a point where it is "normal" for them and I figure for my DD, eventually it will be her "normal" since she will not know any different.
Keep things as consistent as possible on your end, and reassure your son that Daddy always comes back even if he has to be gone a longer time than others.
I would repeat every time "Daddy always comes home, do you mean when is daddy coming home?"
A kid that small can't understand a changing schedule. He may not even understand what "anymore" is, he might mean anymore today. Don't try to explain what he is not able to process at his age, he is too young. Simply tell him that daddy is at work right now. In depth explanations are confusing, so keep it simple and he'll see that dad does come back home, however inconsistently it is.
