Husband Does Not Take for Office Gatherings

If my husband did that my only conclusion would be that he was embarrassed by me.

Have you asked him why he doesn't want to include you?

Have you asked him why? What's his excuse other than "it's not important"? That's a very important part of the question for us to read. It's impossible for us to have a clue about how to advise you without knowing this. Can you update?

Dawn

This is a conversation you should be having with your husband. Ask him why he does this and then tell him how it makes you feel. Communication is key. Men are not mind readers he might not even realize that it bothers you at all.

In my own marriage, that was one of the signs my exhusband was having an affair. Not saying yours is. Just that mine was.

Part of that equation was that he was lying about me at work. Various scenarios (1: that we had an open relationship... He got busted when an outgoing coworker asked me how that worked. 2 That I was sick... Got busted again when some really nice people from his office arranged to help me with housework/cooking during my treatments. 3 That I was crazy/really mean. 4. That he didn't have a wife/child. ) My ex was a contractor, do changing jobs every 6-12 months made spinning lies really easy... As long as I didn't show up and ruin them.

If and since he acts this way... I would really wonder if you then have a "perfect relationship."

He is not inviting you, even if you are invited to the office gatherings by his Boss. Plus, he does NOT bother, even introducing you to any co-workers when you both happen to bump into them at the mall or wherever. So that is strange, too.

Instead of just guessing about WHY he does this... why don't you just ASK HIM point blank.
Or, when you happen to bump into his co-workers at the mall or something, just extend a handshake and introduce yourself.
Take initiative.

JUST ASK YOUR HUSBAND, why... he does this.

Other than that, you are just guessing.
And he is acting like a jerk.

If my Husband's office has a gathering in which the wife or family is invited, he tells me. And then I can attend or not, it is up to me.
And, if we happen to bump into some of his co-workers at the mall or wherever, my Husband introduces us. No biggie. Or, I simply introduce myself and extend my hand and handshake.

I'm sorry, but my first reaction is that he has an "office" girlfriend. It's just too odd to me. I understand keeping work and home life separate, but why would he never bring you when his coworkers significant others are invited?

I'd assume he's hiding something...

id feel hurt and bothered and assuming the worst too. if he was only going to obligated parties and trying to get out fast that would make sense, but if he's going to christenings and avoiding introducing you at the mall i;d be hurt.

is he J. socially awkward? i mean it would be rude to both parties to not introduce you. do you introduce yourself as his wife?

ETA
I might J. show up to haev lunch with him or stop by one day. id assume cheating and not embarassment..but i'm biased because my past is filled with cheating

Is there a reason he might be embarrassed? ie: you were thin when you married and you've gained a lot of weight? Or does he work with scientist types and worries you'd have no conversation to add? Another possibility - is hiring babysitters an issue if you come? I know I often don't include my husband in work outings bc it means one parent won't be home with our kids and it's more impt to me that one of us is there vs having them with a babysitter. But you should ask in a nonconfrontational way. I can't stand going to my husband's work things so he may be like me and think he's doing you a favor. The nonintroducing thing is odd though.

Sounds very possible that he presents himself as single to clients and coworkers or that he is embarrassed by you. Neither scenario is flattering and both are highly disrespectful to you. The situation is way uncool.

I sincerely doubt that he's embarrassed about you. I wonder if it's possible that he simply wants to keep home life and work life separate from each other as completely as possible. However, if he's attending Christenings he's not doing a very good job of that. That crosses a line from work relationship into outside-of-work friendship.

Are the only friends he has at work? How was he about introducing you to family and other friends? How often does he go out with his coworkers?

It's really important that you discuss this with him. He can brush it off as not being important, but the fact is that it's raising red flags for you and it's important to YOU. Therefore he needs to address it as being important. He also needs to either stop attending, or start bringing his family if he refuses to give you any answers.

What Shane B said.

Is he social at all, or is he a wall-flower kind of guy? If he's wall-flower guy, the idea of having to introduce you and be MORE social may freak him out.

Either way, you need to know, and he needs to know that "it's not important" isn't a good enough answer.

Ask him why. I would feel the same. And not to introduce you is just really rude on his part. I think you should sit him down and ask for the real reason.

I agree with the ladies. Have you let him know that it bothers you so much? He might not even realize or assume that you don't want to go. I did that with my own husband when we weren't married yet. I would always get invited to some work related event. I just assumed he didn't want to go. I assumed right, but I remember his mom commented once about it, and he said I never asked him, I just went. ( oops) Obviously I apologized and have asked if he wanted to come with me. He always says no, but thanks me for asking him.

K.P. hit the nail on the head. We have no idea why he is doing this. My husband used to do this, back when we were not so strong and we didn't have childcare, but still. We still "argue" about it sometimes because I remind him how shady and crappy it was of him to do that...but we had to discuss it before he really knew what he was doing.

What did he say when you asked him about it and told him that you feel hurt?

It could be something as innocent as him wanting to keep his personal and business life separate. It's hard to say unless you ask him. If you don't get a good answer, then I would make a surprise visit to the office just to see what the big deal is.

I'm with Sassy Sarkie. He sounds like a real jerk. I know nothing about you, but either he's hiding something from you that would be revealed by colleagues or he's embarassed by something about you.

Let him know that this bothers you and find out his reasoning behind it. It may be very innocent in that he does something "boring" and doesn't think you would be interested or it could be something much less mundane.

Either way, the next time you bump into someone in the mall, introduce yourself and see what happens.

I would have a problem with this only if other spouses are invited. If it's just coworkers then I wouldn't expect to be included.
The next time you are invited to something as a couple do not ASK him if you can go, just go!
It would hurt me too if my husband didn't introduce me to people he knows and works with. I don't know if your husband just has really bad manners, or if he's a jerk, but it sounds like he's both :-(

I can understand your feeling hurt. I would talk to him. This year is actully the first year I will be taking my husband to my work Christmas party. I always brought my best friend because my husband stayed home with our kids and my husband doesn't enjoy mingling with people he doesn't know. This year my best friend is actually an employee, so she doesn't need to be my guest, her kids are now old enough to babysit my kids, and there will be a magic show, so my husband won't need to make a lot of small talk. I go to my husbands work parties, but I always feel awkward and out of place. It could be that he is socially awkward, or maybe his co-workers are single and he feels out of place bringing a spouse, or maybe he really doesn't like his co-workers all that much and he doesn't feel they are worth introducing to you.

Hm, I don't know where others are getting that he is a jerk... it doesn't sound like he is mean about it, is he?

I have never been able to understand the need to mix work and private life. I did not take my DH along to work functions, even when spouses were invited. I also do not like coming along to his work socials - usually I will politely decline and blame our DD (like someone has to stay home with her) - but truth be told I just don't like going to these things.

For me work is work and home is home and the two do not mix very well. I don't want to associate with co-workers or bosses outside of work, I don't want to be "friends" with them and I prefer to keep my work relationships strictly professional. If I can avoid work socials I will and I will certainly avoid dragging my family into them.

If it bothers you so much I would suggest you talk to him about it. Maybe he doesn't even like going himself and thinks he is doing you a favor by sparing you?
Good luck!

this would infuriate me!

id be pissed too,, id just ask him about it, not argue, not yell, just have a normal conversation and ask him if theres any reason why he doesnt want you going and that it really bothers you, (he may think you dont even care about going to his work stuff).. if he says there isnt one or he doesnt know what youre talking about i would insist u want to go next time he gets invited somewhere

Have you communicated with him that this bothers you? You can't expect him to just know..... He can't read your mind you know!!

Talk about it in general and NOT in a confrontational tone. Communication is crucial here.

It's probably not that he is embarrassed. Maybe he thinks you are not interested?

Is he normally a shy, reserved person? Maybe his shyness causes him to not introduce you or maybe he forgot someone's name and he is embarrassed to admit it.

My question to you is...... What keeps you from extending your hand to introduce yourself to someone when you run into them at the mall or whereever? Do you feel you have to rely on him to introduce you or have some permission? You are not some kept woman.... you are an individual and you need to step up and out of your shell too..

Tell him you feel hurt, tell him you feel like he is embarrassed by you or something. At least communicate with him so he knows how you feel.