Husband Complaining (Venting a Bit... Bear with Me)

AmyB is right, night shift messes with you and there is never enough sleep. If YOU work days, you sleep nights and the baby probably sleeps better at night than he does during the days. If daddy is working nights, he needs to sleep during the day. Baby is probably awake more in the day and you really cant expect dad to stay awake all day and only nap when baby naps. If grama is so happy to see baby during the day maybe she will be willing to watch baby for a good block of time each day and give dad a chance to set a schedule of sleeping and things will turn around. Or you may have to do like so many others and just get a sitter or put baby in daycare. Even if its part time. Dad HAS to have sleep too. His attitude may be a lot better after a good days sleep.

If you haven't worked nights, you may not understand what it's like for your husband. It's a miserable schedule. The sleep you get during the day just isn't the same as what you would get at night. Sometimes it takes 14-16 hours of day sleeping to equal a 7 hour night of regular sleep. Not only that, but people think because you're home during the day, you're capable of doing any and everything. They call and sound surprised that they caught you asleep, like you're still supposed to be functioning. And you are just plain tired (not normal tired, like you have a newborn who keeps you up 24/7 tired). And if you're husband is having to switch back and forth between a night schedule and a regular schedule, that's even worse. Your body is constantly in transition and NEVER normal.

Ask your husband to look for a 2nd shift job instead of 3rd shift, and see if that doesn't change his mood considerably. Believe me, it makes a huge difference. I've been there (with myself and my husband), and I've seen my sister-in-law go through it. You have no idea how much it can affect someone's emotional and mental state until they really get on a more normal schedule.

I think there is just a person difference. Some people just can't or don't know how to deal with the constant needs of babies and/or small children. I can just imagine how rough it must be to work 15 hours and not even have a moment to himself to rest properly or even think. If possible, I think you guys should enlist the help of someone sometimes for both of you to help alleviate the stress. HTH :)

My husband is not the 'baby whisperer'. He still loves our 7 month old but being the primary caregiver for an infant/toddler is not in his comfort level. He is more hands on with our 5 yo. Some men just aren't comfortable with the baby stage. It is what it is. I suggest you look into PT daycare and preserve your marriage/relationship.

What about looking into part-time daycare? That would give your husband a nice block of time to sleep and hopefully make it easier for him to manage a baby. Keep in mind, too, that not all guys are great with babies. My husband hated the baby stage but enjoyed parenting a lot more once the kids could walk and talk.

I haven't read the other posts yet so forgive me if I repeat what others have already said. Sounds to me like your expectations of him are unrealistic. When does he get to sleep if he is up all night working and up all day watching the baby? I would not function well if I was working nights and taking care of a baby during the day. Have you tried putting yourself in his position? I think that you need to think about finding some sort of outside care for your child so that your husband can get his sleep in. Sounds like your mom is available, maybe she would like to help you out in this way?? It is definately worth asking her about. just my opinion.....

I think under the best of circumstances, dads are often not as good with babies and the whole change from life being all about themselves to now all about a baby. Add in working nights and then some days having to function alone with a baby and seems like a difficult equation. He has to switch back and forth between sleeping days and sleeping nights?... That's super hard I'd think. I guess it's only 3 days a week but still seems really hard. Likely it's not easy to just switch to days so maybe look into some daycare just for that one 8 hour day. And in general, I think men get better as kids get older. My husband didn't have the day/night thing but it was still hard when they were that young. The kids are so needy and my husband always had something else to do, just not that attentive etc. It's much better now that they're older.

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We did the opposite shift thing when our son was little. My husband rose to the occasion. I always told him--looking back you will see this as a gift that you got to spend time with him when he's so little....

What if your mom is unavailable for a day or two?

Does he struggle with anxiety? That might be something to think about too . . . nothing stokes the fire of anxiety like having a completely dependent, unpredictable infant on your hands all day. I think guys sometimes handle it even less well than we moms do.

You guys need to work together to put him in place where he feels a bit more in control of his life. (??). He also needs to mature a bit and recognize that having young children is one of the most stressful times in a married couple's life - but it does go quickly in the long run.

Good luck - I would try to not take it personally (though that has to be hard).

I agree he is not getting the sleep he needs or has the patience for what is needed for your child when your gone. He sounds unhappy . I would be patient with him and try to find some relief on his days some how.... and in the mean time......... he should work for something he enjoys nights, days or mid shift and work on being happier.