Husband Being Ridiculous? Updated/done.

After flounce. I suspect we got too close to the truth. Her loss.

I suggest that you set up your room to be darker. Have a conversation with him when he's rested. I worked graveyard for years. Getting good sleep during the day is difficult. He needs help to make daytime sleeping good.

Why did you wake him up? I'm not surprised he was angry. How would you feel if someone woke you up to tell you to move to a different bed? By fighting with him over this you are telling him his daughter's nap is more important than him having good sleep even tho he's the one working to provide necessities for both of you.

I suspect you and your husband have other issues to resolve than just where he sleeps. Fix your bedroom right away for daytime sleep. Next find out why you're so angry that you would wake up the bread winner so your daughter could sleep alone in the room. I suggest counseling, personal or with him, will help.

After your addition. You and your husband should be partners. He provides the money and you take care of the house. Exactly why is it more important that your daughter get good sleep when your husband does not get good sleep.

'm sure you could get a job and bring in the money. Then you'd have a different complaint. Then you would complain about why he not working.

You seem really defensive about being a stay at home mom. I urge you to figure out why so you can feel as important. I suggest you're angry be cause you feel less important than your husband so you use your power to show him he's not important thus making you feel more important. YoU are just as important to the family as he is. You're using power in a way that is damaging the family. Here's a question asked of me several years ago. Would you rather be happy or be right. You have the power to choose either one. Know that often they are mutually exclusive from one another.

BTW if my spouse refused to let me sleep where I could get the best sleep, I would find somewhere else to sleep. Perhaps at his work there is a sleeping room. Or he could go to a relatives or friends house. Good sleep is essential to keeping a job. Getting darkening curtains for your room is a win/win. Why do you have to fight about it?

Maybe because you feel the fool for asking the question? Recently I sent off an email venting and wished i'd waited to calm down first. I felt embarrased. If you are defensive because you feel embarrassed, know that all of us have those moments. We're all human. It's hard to admit a mistake. Admitting a mistake shows maturity and a willingness to accept that none of us are perfect.

If he was already asleep I would have let him be and put her down in our room for one day, and then got the curtains figured out so he could get better sleep in our own room from then on. It seemed really silly to wake him and force him to move when he was already asleep and the child was not. I don't think he was being ridiculous at all.

Looks like a flouncer who didn't like the advice she asked for.

I read the original earlier today and was appalled that she put priority on the baby's nap than hubby trying to rest during the day due to working a night shift. She woke hubby up from a sleep to get him to change beds.

Who wouldn't be ill if someone kept waking you and nagging when you try to sleep!! Geesh

I think you should either get the curtains today or let your daughter sleep in your room. Going without good solid sleep is like going without food - it doesn't work well for long. As much as your baby needs her naps, your husband needs a few hours of sleep more. People literally (and I do mean literally) become psychotic when consistently sleep-deprived.

Good luck,
e

ETA: I did shift work for years - it's very hard to sleep at all. If I found a place where could sleep and was finally sound asleep & you woke me up, I'd be pretty grumpy too. This is akin him waking you at 2 am and telling you to move. How easily would you get back to sleep after that? Well, it's harder during the day - and even harder if he has to work rotating shifts.

Are you a stay-at-home Mom? Does his work make this possible? I have - not voluntarily- supported my family for 10+ years, and the worst thing is to do this -it's incredibly stressful - so your spouse can stay home and then have your spouse treat you with a complete lack of respect. If you want to work and resent staying home, work this out. But don't punish him for making staying home possible.

ETA 2: Oh my ~ I have seen some nasty pile-ons here and this didn't even come close. Some of these responses are blunt but none are hateful or judgmental. People are just answering your question with their own (our own) thoughts & experiences. I hope you don't always respond like this when you don't hear what you want to hear. I really do wish you all the best. And honestly, I think you might need a nap too. : (

And it looks like maybe I hit a nerve but missed the response - trust me when I say, I speak from MY experience - I assume nothing about yours. That's why I ask questions when I *think* something is up. I thought I could help. Oh well...

Well, in my opinion? You need to train your daughter to sleep better. Make noise - life isn't quiet.

My SIL did this with her kids - made the house absolutely quiet during nap time? Off to college?? It took them a YEAR to be able to sleep. You are NOT doing your daughter ANY service by keeping it quiet and dark.

Your husband is a shift worker - he needs sleep. Get the curtains he needs to sleep during the day.

Stop babying your daughter. She needs to learn that life is not quiet and she needs to adjust - not the world to her - but HER to the world.

good luck!

Absolutely buy the curtains for your room. And second, I feel like you are going to have a lot of problems if you have to tip toe around during your daughter's naps. Life happens, phones ring, dogs bark, etc. It's better to have your child figure out how to go back to sleep.

So, apparently it's somehow impossible to have blackout curtains in more than one room?
Guess I missed this party.

Sounds like you've kept your daughters environment too quiet at nap time and stuff. Most kids get exposed to normal noise and stuff and they learn to sleep through it.

I think if hubby was comfortable and asleep I'd have let him sleep. But you do need to find out why that bed was more comfortable than his own. Perhaps it's uncomfortable or something.

Get the curtains for your room. Until they are hanging let your husband sleep where ever he wants. I can't imagine telling a grown man where he can or can not sleep let alone waking him up to tell him to move. I think you owe your husband an apology.

I am not sure why you D. your original question and response...for those that are interested...here is the response that was D. also....

I am surprised, everyone seems to attacking pretty harshly. Please tell me how you would feel if you took care of quite literally everything except for working. And it is only 4 days out of the week when your kiddo isn't at daycare and to let them be happy and get the sleep they need. I have sleeping troubles as it is too. So I understand to a degree but I still do the things I need to do even if it is a little rough on me as well.

Bread winner too? Is taking care of a little one and keeping up with everything else not a tiring job either? I am kind of appalled by these answers. If I started working too would I be able to just get up, work, come home and disturb my kiddo's sleep? Then casually get up and just hang about and repeat this and have it be the end of my day with out a worry if everyone else is tired too? Because work? This is ridiculous.

Side note: I used to work way back when to support a whole house of 6 friends when we were still putting life together and kind of in a rough patch. I still came home and did chores/helped with them and had to sleep in the loudest room in the middle of the house we were all in. I didn't expect people to give me super special treatment. I did it for my friends and sacrificed for them and enjoyed their friendship in return.

Not getting to sleep in a kiddo's room to avoid waking them up only 4 days out of a week I think is not much to ask. While we will be getting the curtains today. All of these answers are ridiculous, it is a normal work week, all weekends and little holidays and major holidays off with no labor. I appreciate the things he does but please please spare me that asking him to be in our room 4 days out of the week is too much.

Are you being reasonable to expect him to sleep in your own room? Yes. Provided it works for him. Currently it does not. So I get why he is sleeping where he can.

Were you harsh waking him up? Yes.

I think the curtains will solve the problem :)

I would have felt the same way. He was probably angry because you woke up him. When he's awake and calmer, explain the reasons why you feel he shouldn't sleep in your daughter's room while she's trying to nap in there. And definitely go and get the heavier curtains for your bedroom this weekend.

ETA: Well I guess the frying pan was too hot to handle and she did not like what she read. No one in their right mind moves a sleeping person to a bed just so that they can put a child down to sleep in their own room. You can move a child easier than a sleeping husband who would be a bear to wake up. You won't be missed. Go find your friends to pat you on the back and agree with you. Time to grow up.

Original: No he is not being ridiculous you are. Get those curtains ASAP in your room!

Run the vacuum cleaner and the television while your daughter sleeps so she gets used to the noise and can sleep through anything and not wake up. I did t his from day one when babies came home. No dead silence in the house. In fact I even vacuumed with them in the crib and they did not move.

Once your body shuts down for the night to sleep it is very hard to wake up. Once you do wake up it very hard to go back to sleep. My family knows that if I am sleeping soundly on the sofa, just throw a cover over me and turn out the lights.

Is there any way to put the futon in your bedroom? He might just like the way the futon feels when he does sleep.

Do have a chat when you are both rested and can figure out what to do next in the home so that the family can stay together.

Welcome to the world of family.

the other S.

My husband has worked midnights a few times during our 20 years married and is working them now (has been for the last 3 years). Until the last six months he never had a problem sleeping whenever he needed to sleep - but this past Fall he just oculdn't sleep well in a normally shaded room and he needed room darkening curtains. They weren't cheap and they're not exactly designer - but they do make the room like a cave - and he can now sleep. We need to sleep and working midnights and getting the needed sleep is really difficult. I worked midnight two Summers in college and never got enough sleep. Now I draw our cutains closed on weekend mornings too because it helps me sleep past 6:30 am.
So - go to amazon or whatever and order room darkening curtains today. Then get them hung up (my DH and I did them together).

But - I think another factor would be that your husband just likes to be around his little girl - and the futon has a certain level of comfort to it. He began sleeping in there because it was dark - but now he just likes it. We have two kids and my husband and I both found that sleeping next to our son (not our daughter) was very relaxing - he had a very deep and rthymic breathing while he slept and if we couldn't fall asleep all we'd have to do is lay down next to him and like a hypnotic spell we'd fall asleep in minutes. He's now 16 and we still talk about it. Don't know why he was the sleep hypnotist and not my daughter - different breathing pattern I guess.

So give him a break, tell him you undersand how cozy her room is, that you know it's nice to hear her breathing while she's napping. But hang those room darkening curtains in your bedroom and encourage him sweetly (with a backrub the first time?). He's not being ridiculous if you don't have the room darkening curtains in your bedroom yet.

Apparently you have D. your original post and put in all these justifications for whatever your position was. Why would you do that? If you want to edit, add on with "edited to add" or put it in the "So What Happened". I feel like I've wasted my time reading this whole thing because the prior responses have nothing to do with your comments as they now stand. I gather you didn't get the answers you wanted so you decided to lambast everyone who already responded? I think it's unlikely you will get many responses to future posts - just so you are prepared.

To any newcomers to this question - forget it. There's no way to know what the problem was except it has something to do with sleeping and naps. Waste of time.

Updated

Apparently you have D. your original post and put in all these justifications for whatever your position was. Why would you do that? If you want to edit, add on with "edited to add" or put it in the "So What Happened". I feel like I've wasted my time reading this whole thing because the prior responses have nothing to do with your comments as they now stand. I gather you didn't get the answers you wanted so you decided to lambast everyone who already responded? I think it's unlikely you will get many responses to future posts - just so you are prepared.

To any newcomers to this question - forget it. There's no way to know what the problem was except it has something to do with sleeping and naps. Waste of time.

I did the same thing w/my youngest (wanted absoultely quiet for his naps)
He sleeps just fine now as a kid.
I will say this.....people are right about not making it totally quiet because
life isn't quiet. I got that advice from every friend who had a kid. they
were right but I just couldn't do it. I made it quiet & got mad if someone
made noise. Again, they were right but.....I still made that choice.
Ok so no on to your hubby, he works nights, is the breadwinner & provides for the family so let him sleep where he wants. He needs his
rest!!! Find a new place for your daughter to nap (another room, close the
door, make it quiet, put an extra play pen in there or nap area etc.

Like everyone else said, get black out curtains for 2 rooms so you have
dark rooms when needed for hubby & baby.

Try to relax a bit as a mom. So many of my "mom" friends who had kids
before me told me this when I was a first time mom and they were right.
They helped me out greatly to adjust to all the new first time things of
being a new mom.

Find creative ways to get what's needed for your baby BUT let your
husband get his rest & support him in getting that rest as he is working
hard & different hours providing for your family.

Hope that helps & best of luck!! :)

I would ask him why he prefers to sleep in her room vs yours and if there was anything you/he could do so that your room during the day was more comfortable for him? Is it noise? Is it the futon? I agree that she needs her room for naps and such on days she is home. If he never sleeping in your room without you nudging him, then that may be another problem. Are you and he having marital stress?

ETA: Wow, drama much? I guess we now know who is ridiculous.

I agree totally with you. He shouldn't be sleeping in the daughter's room. That's her room. Whether she's a light sleeper or not, and even if he's as quiet as a mouse- he shouldn't be sleeping in there. that's her room. Like you said, buy curtains to make your bedroom darker for him and that should fix the problem.

Good luck:)

Snort...

I wish someone would have copy/pasta'd your OP, but oh well, I can read between the lines.

I'm sorry you didn't get to be right and win your argument. I mean, that's what you were after in posting this and calling your husband ridiculous, isn't it? It's unkind to call your spouse ridiculous, and if he called you so you would be pissed. Keep in mind that respect goes two ways.

The best way to train babies to sleep through anything is to make noise as they nap. The mamas below gave you good advice, but you were so wrapped up in being right that you couldn't stand it and threw a tantrum. Okay. But you're still not right. My suggestion is that you learn to be wrong graciously. It will help you in your marriage and will help you in interpersonal relationships. Like here. It's saying "I was wrong." Being wrong isn't the end of the world.

Good luck to you and the rest of the world that apparently must revolve around you.