Just wondered if other moms might have ideas for me. My husband and I aren't agreeing on when to let our 10 month old "cry it out" at night when he wakes up. I can tell by his cry he is not hungry just wanting us to pick him up when he wakes up in the middle of the night. My husband says it is easier to spend 15 minutes giving him a bottle and rocking him back to sleep than listening to his wail on the baby monitor for 30 minutes or more. I let him cry it out and sure enough he will fall back to sleep on his own it just may take a while. I think our son has learned to get us out of bed and come get him when he cannot fall back asleep on his own. I wonder if we cant agree on this how will we agree on other issues as our son gets older. Also, my son has always slept all through the night and only recently started this getting up and crying in his crib 3 hours after being put to bed. Help, Thanks.
I let my son "cry it out" when he was little. Now he is 14 and I would give anything for a chance to hold and rock him again.
My advice is to hold him whenever he needs it. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but this time when they need you is so fleeting!
T., There is goig to be a lot that you don't agree on and you just have to work through each of them. The crying out at night, he wants to you to feed him immediately so he can get back to bed...well, then you will be up every night feeding instead of a few nights of the crying out. Ask your husband if he wants to you tired and cranky for the rest of your life or just tired for a couple of days, teaching your son how to go back to sleep on his own. Feeding him in the middle of the night is a habit. One thing that I have done is gone in to make sure they are okay, then lay them back down and rub their head or tummy for a minute to calm them down. Then explain that I have to go back to sleep and will see them in the morning. I usually turn the monitor off if they start crying again so that my husband doesn't have to hear. I am a light sleeper though and can hear without the monitor.
When we started letting out kids do this, we took the monitor out. Our rooms were right next to each other so we could still hear him. When he woke us up without the monitor was when we would go get him, if we thought he needed us. Both of my kids stay in bed now and put themselves to sleep. Crying it out REALLY worked for us. They only woke up in the middle of the night now to pee and if they are sick. I'm glad we chose that route!
Bring it up at your next pediatrician appmt. and have your husband there. That way the Dr. will explain what is appropraite and acceptable and your husband can hear it out of the dr. mouth and it isn't a fight with your husband bc it wont be you telling him, but rather the dr.
T.,
My daughter did the same thing when she was 8 months old. My husband and I had the same positions you and your husband do... I wanted her to learn to self sooth. We ended up giving her a bottle and putting her back to bed. I'm glad we got up with her because she was teething and in pain. As a first time parent, it is hard to know when those type of subtle things are going on.
R.'
Of course it's easier for your husband if YOU get up and put your son back to sleep. Does he volunteer to do it himself? He should at least do that on nights when he doesn't have to work the next day. If he isn't willing to do that, I would say your decision should win the argument. (Although teething could be the issue here....)
But you really do need to learn how to settle these differences. You'll have a lot of them over the years. It's best to talk about them when the problem isn't urgent; in this case discuss it during the daytime, not in the middle of the night when your son is crying in his crib. Listen to each other, then both stick to your common decision.
First of all this is just the first of probably a lot of things you and your husband won't agree on. You are two different people with different ideas on parenting and different experiences with your own parents. The key is to find a middle ground you are both able to live with.
What if you didn't hold him, but rubbed his back until he was soothed. Or what if you held him for 5 or 10 minutes and then laid him down and rubbed his back. You could just come in the room and sit in a rocking chair and soothe him. Or, if your husband feels strongly about it, let him take on that duty. It may not seem so easy after a week or two and he may be more willing to negotiate a different strategy.
I think at that age I would go in. I would think my baby needed a little extra reassuring. I am a big softy. Plus having a high need child has completely changed my perspective on babies. My daughter sleeps through the night and then for about a week she will wake up in wee hours of the morning (well my clock says it's morning, but the dark sky outside tells me that's just crazy thinking). I will hold her and rock her back to sleep. Then she starts sleeping through the night again in about a few days.
T., good for you for at least wanting to try the "cry it out" method. My boy (now 8) slept through the night wonderfully at an early age. All of a sudden he began waking up in the middle of the night. Of course at first we'd go in and check on him, check the diaper, try to feed him, etc. But after a couple days, I took him to the dr. to make sure there wasn't something else going on. After the dr.'s "all clear," we let him cry it out. It may have started innocently enough - maybe something startled him or maybe there was teething pain, but if they get used to that "schedule" they'll come to expect it, at least for a little while. We let our son cry it out and honestly, it only took two nights at the most (I think it was one!). Of course, my husband and I agreed on this method so I'm not of any help in that area. Maybe you should all go to the Ped. together and hear what he/she has to say and go from there? Or let him get up with your son!
My son & daughter both stay in their beds at night now (5 & 8 yrs.) except for the occasional bad dream, or to go potty. I don't feel like I missed out on any "cuddling" time with either of them. After all, when I get woken up, I'm not usually in a happy mood! Knowing everything was fine, I mostly wanted my baby to go back to sleep so I could go back to bed!
Let us know how this works out for you & your husband!
Love & Prayers - B.
