Husband and Father Looking up and Emailing Old Girls as Friends from High School

If he's not hiding anything about these friendships, I see nothing wrong with them. If it were ONLY the females that he was looking up, I might be concerned, but it sounds like he's just wanting to reconnect with some old friends. What's wrong with that?
Why do you feel that getting together with old friends in a group is inappropriate? Why not go along with him to meet them? Were these friends really bad influences or something?
My husband and I get together with friends fairly often, sometimes with the kids, sometimes without. But we are very open about who we're with and what we're doing--and we always invite each other along. If I want to go out to lunch with a guy friend of ours, I talk to my husband first. If he isn't going with us, I let him know where we'll be (always a very public place, not "romantic"--I don't want to give ANYONE the wrong impression) and what time I'll be home, and he knows he can always "drop in" on our visit if he feels like it. It's also vice versa (although I admittedly have more male friends than he has female friends). We trust each other, and we don't do things that we wouldn't want the other to do.
I guess I don't know why you're so worried about it. Has your husband given you a reason not to trust him (cheated in the past, etc.)?
Now, if the time he is spending on the computer is taking away from meeting his family's needs--regardless of whether he is chatting with friends, surfing, playing games, or whatever--then it IS a problem that does need to be addressed. But if he's meeting the family's needs, and he's using his own "free time," and he's just chatting (not flirting)... then, to be honest, it sounds like you're just insecure.
Maybe I'm wrong and there is more to it, but that is just what I got from your post.
Good luck!
--A.

I think it's totally fine as long as you guys talk about it and don't things from each other. I have found tons of old friends on Facebook and am so glad I did it's nice to catch up with them. I also have pictures on my page but again it's private to only my friends can see them.

T.,

Only you know you're husband and whether or not you should be worried. BUT, coming from the other perspective, I've recently been re-connecting with many people from my past, male and female and my husband and I completely trust each other. I also have a pic of my family on my facebook page, but only my friends have access to that page.
On one hand I kind of understand what you are asking/concerned about. But on the other side, I think you are over reacting and if you are truly secure in your marriage you shouldn't have anything to worry about. So he's communicating with a female friend from high school? We go to a guy/friend of mine from high school's home every year for the 4th of July. And both my husband and I are talking to this same male friend about building our vacation home for us. We are friends. . . from high school. . .and we are of the opposite sex. But there isn't anything to worry about.

Just my thoughts.

Lori K

The response from Linda saying that you need counseling because your husband's behavior upsets you is outlandish! I thought marriage was about respecting one another's feelings. If this truely bothers you than your husband should be respectful and let the past be the past. Tell your husband how this makes you feel. Also, from Linda's reply about having a man friend come over while her husband was deployed- I was in the Marine Corps and it is a VERY dangerous thing to cry on another man's shoulder. Chances are this man did not have the same intentions. The fact that it made her feel uncomfortable going out to dinner with her husband and her friend says something loud and clear. So, be clear with your husband. Tell him you love him and why this hurts you. He may get aggravated at first but ask him how he would feel if you were going to have dinner with your highschool sweetheart.

I think there are bigger issues here then talking with old friends. Personally, I do not see anything wrong with him talking to old friends, male or female. He married you, not them and I'm sure there are old friends from high school or college that are guys that you wouldn't mind catching up with. Having said that, there are boundaries that need to be set. He should not go hang out with these old friends without you. He also needs to make sure that he keeps his personal life, personal. If he is discussing problems that the two are you are having with these friends, male or female, that can also become a huge problem. Personnally, I think if he is spending a lot of time chatting online instead of spending time with his family, that is the bigger problem. Tell him how you feel about all this. I would not make an issue out of the girls because that implies that you do not trust him and you might not want to go there yet. But I would definately let him know that you have a problem with the amount of time he spends online instead of with the kids. We have known lots of people who have had similar problems with online games and it can become a huge problem. He needs to make sure that his priorities are in order and that he is putting his family first.

Tough subject - I understand. I am the jealous type even though I completely trust my husband. I wouldn't want him meeting anyone for dinner unless it was a man or unless I was invited too. I think that you should explain your feelings on that to your husband and ask that he try to respect your feelings even if he doesn't understand why you have those feelings. Then let it go and see what he does. If you harp on him about his communication with these old friends, he might begin to resent you. Be careful not to upset him, but at the same time let your feelings be known. There's a small gray line to walk there, so good luck!

i do think that it is unwise and disrespectful for your husband to have a meal alone with another female. if it is truly innocent, i feel, you should be invited. the group thing just depends on how you feel personally, because i know some wives that would be fine with it, and other wives that would demand to go along. it sounds like you're really suspicious of your husband and the internet already, but one thing i would suggest is, take heart that he IS putting your picture and the kids' pictures on his page. if he was doing something he shouldn't most likely he would not want to advertise that he has a wife and children. just my two cents. good luck!

Frankly, it sounds to me like you two need some marriage counseling. I agree that he should be helping with the kids and his Internet trolling should be limited until AFTER they are all in bed. But I see nothing wrong with looking up old friends and acquaintences.

I however, do NOT see a problem with him having dinner or lunch with an old friend (male or female). Like someone else said, he married you, not them. If you genuinely feel threatened by this then THIS is the reason why you both need counseling. I agree that there are some strange infatuations going on with his high school recollections but I lived with an OCD father for 34 years who did nothing but relive his hs and collegiate days.

I myself, have a male friend who would stop by and help out around the house while my husband was deployed. He was often there when I needed a shoulder to cry on, or babysit kids when I was in a pinch, especially because family abandoned me. There is nothing going on between us and never will...I prefer NOT to have my husband go out to dinner with us because it DOES make things more awkward but not because some hanky panky is going to be going on. Just because you two share a life doesn't mean you need to spend 100% of your time with eachother...It's healthy to have relationships outside the home for BOTH of you.

My guess is he is reaching out to these people because they remind him of a time when he was much freer. To me, it sounds as though you are strangling him. The bottom line is you either trust this man or you don't. And if you don't, then honey the relationship is already over and your just glossing things over.

I had a close knit group that I hung out with in college. My roommate, and 2 guys. We did a lot of stuff together for our freshman year. The next year my roommate went to beauty school in a different state, and Dave went to a different college and Eric didn't go to college. We of course had other friends, but these were my closest friends. I have kept in touch w/my roomie, Marla and while I was still in Omaha, I hung out with Eric. In fact, we eventually dated for a while, but we weren't right for each other. We did pretty good keeping in touch til I got married. He and my hubby to be didn't hit if off good on their only phone call. So....in the back of my head I'd like to get back in touch with ERic (he's married now and has a child) but it really would only be worth it if my husband was interested in the idea. Eric was my friend for 6 years. We dated for maybe 4 months. We were friends after. I'd like to see how he is doing but no so badly that I want to upset my husband.
If your husband is really wanting to catch up with his old friends, have him bring you along and introduce you to them. Make it a couple thing, not something he does without you. Maybe he has some really neat friends? But I don't think he ought to go to dinner with females without you being invited. That is asking for trouble. He ought to share his emails and their responses with you also if he's talking to a girl. You've got to protect your marriage and that means he needs to make wise choices that won't lead to trouble down the road. Don't let him put himself in temptation. Pray about it and talk to him heart to heart and go from there.