Hurting Moms Feelings

sheesh mine is 3 and already doing that. I think its a normal learning to be independant thing. Stinks, but hes growing up mom :( too fast isnt it?

He's probably too young too understand your feelings. You're a mom, you're invincable, it doesn't make sense to a little kid that you could get your feelings hurt. I'm sure he just wants to be a big boy and be independent when it's safe to be independent. If you're a SAHM, he's full of confidence and security in knowing that he has you and you love him and you're his foundation, and that's a good thing. He's separating his school world from his home world, and maybe at school he has found his own thing, his own personality. This is something to be proud of. Don't be hurt, you're just raising a healthy, independant boy. Good job!

Very normal. My son started this just about that age. He's now 6 and would prefer to play with is friends all by himself. I'm the last person he will ask to play with.

At first it I was saddened but I have to look at it as this way. I have given my son a sense of security to feel comfortable without me.

Well it can be normal but I would sit down with your son and have a conversation about it with him...do you snuggle? I would choose that time to talk with him. Let him know how much he hurt your feelings and how much you were looking forward to going to the pumpkin patch with him. Find out what may be prompting his thoughts (remember, no matter how they are now socializing you have peer pressure weighing in). Maybe his classmates don't see it as "cool" having your mom around. Perhaps, making a "cool" treat for the class (like cupcakes for freshly baked cookies) would score some points. Yes, it's bribery but if other kids think your cool...your's will too...LOL..devious but it does work!

Often times little guys like this just don't realize that they have hurt your feelings. For some reason, their thinking is that only they get hurt but it's good to voice your feelings to your son and let him know how VERY important he is in your life and how much you look forward to hearing about his day or doing things with him. Even if he is going through his independent phase this early, he needs to know your feelings because it will only sprial further out of control the older he gets and the longer you wait.

I'm not saying to not be proud of his independence...I'm just saying, you ALL can go about it in a much better way. He can still be independent AND be a loving and caring son. Keep us posted on what happens.

Boys are a little reluctant for their moms to show up at school and school functions. At least that is how it was in my experience. Don't take it too personal, it's hard not to I'm sure, but there will be so many more opportunities for you to join him at school. Don't give up and think he will never want you around, he may have just wanted to go with his classmates. I went to my fair share of field trips with my son, I know he liked having me there even if he wasn't holding my hand. My daughter on the other hand would like me to go on every field trip! I plan to go on a few with her this year, last year she will be in elementary school. My son is in middle school and they don't allow parents to go on field trips...talk about cramping their style!
Take care,
V.

I wouldn't take it personal, and speaking for myself, wouldn't lay the guilt trip on him about hurting mommy's feelings. A few of the other posters said it right, it's all a part of them growing up and you've evidentally done a GREAT job in making him feel secure.
Mine are now 18 and 14 and I still go a do things with them but I'm not really "with" them if that makes sense? I just got back from chaperoning my daughter's 8th grade trip to Boston. I went because I wanted to go. She hung out with her friends and there were times I didn't see her for hours because she was with another adult in the group.
I think as long as they know you will be there when they need you, we need to stop and think if we are doing some things for them or to make ourselves feel better.

Good Luck!

Lori K

S.,
I'll never forget the day that one of my daughters stopped me in a conversation and said she didn't want to hear it or mocked me. I forget what was said. Basically, she just didn't want to talk as we were going down the road. We had always talked in cars on the way to things..their things! I was homeschooling at the time and felt more like a taxi driver than a mom. On top of that, I had to meet daycare parents all over town because of my children's activities. So I had other peoples schedules to coordinate with ours and all because I loved them and wanted them to have a cool homeschooling life.
That one hurt the most because it came from my best and most sweet daughter. But it was just the first of many more hurtful things to come.

My oldest daughters are grown and I still get hurtful statements from time to time. But most of the time they are all very sweet now. Two of them tell me often how bad they feel about the way they used to behave. They really are wonderful kids. My oldest will forever have an attitude I think! :)

Suzi

Welcome to one of many independant moments your son will have with you. He is still in sigmonds "ID" stage so as sad as it seems your feelings are not overall the important thing here. Just let him know that you enjoy spending time with him and parental guidence is needed on these sorta trips and that you will come but that doesnt mean he cant have alone "big boy" time. I try to attand most of my now 9 year olds evants, after the first year he came to expect me to be there. I think that they say boys are hard when they are younger and get easier so hold on and do your best. remember you set the rules and they follow or at least accept them. have fun at the pumkin patch.