Hi, H.!
I can relate to what you are talking about. When I first had my son, I was in a Mommy-and-Me group through Arnold Palmer downtown, and met some GREAT women, and we started getting together weekly for a playgroup at each of our houses. Well, I THOUGHT my little 1200-square foot home was pretty nice, but one girl had a rich, elegant home in College Park (complete with a "no touchy" room that nobody ever went in with museum-style pieces in glass cases) with heavy furniture I've never seen at any furniture store I've ever been to. Another girl's home had a guest house that was the size of my house; so you can imagine what her big, Windermere (professionally decorated) home/mansion looked like. Another had a big home on a golf-course in Windermere's Keene's Pointe where, even if on "the list", you have to wait to be permitted in by a live-manned security team. Boy, was I out of my league! Or was I?
Did you notice in your letter that you put nothing about the child's mother other than "...she was kind and gracious. We had a great time."?
My new friends were kind and gracious too, and a lot of fun. They couldn't care less that my home had less...ummm...va-va-va-voom than their homes. Their homes were where they lived and not who they are (though we all know women who are the opposite...but I won't go off on that tangent...but that's not the type of women we are talking about here.)
Later, a couple other girls joined the group, one girl in an apartment (who later moved to a similarly small home like mine), and another girl a modest house as well, and all the way in Clermont (long drive, but, she was so sweet, we were happy to do it).
Now my home is a bit bigger and I have some nicer things than I had nine years ago (okay, not up to what these girls have, but much nicer than I had), and now I have some new friends who are much younger than me. Now I am in the middle as I still see the friends in the big grandeous homes (with weekly maids...so they can't relate to my house-cleaning-woes) and other luxuries. On the flip side, my newer, younger friends now come to my house and, I can see in their eyes, they are a bit intimidated by MY place, and make comments like "This place is just gorgeous, D., you are never coming to my house!", and "This might be the nicest house I have ever been in." I thank them sincerely, and find joy in watching them immediately relax once they are in my home for five minutes, because I am me. I am not bragging about the things I have, or looking down on them because they do not. Also, when at my other friends homes, I am still me. I admire their beautiful things, but I go home and appreciate what I do have. We are all different. We all have different pasts and paths. Our things don't make us who we are (but try telling some women....oops...side tangent again! LOL)
My point? Tell your new friend thank you for the playdate, and that you'd love to have her and her child over. If you must (I feel honesty is best...and it brings out the elephant in the room), tell her "I am a little insecure as your home is so beautiful and mine is so much more...uhhh...modest." See how she reacts. If she turns up her nose and seems awkward...you don't want her as a friend! If she kind of laughs and says "I'm just looking forward to another day where our kids can get together and we get some mom-talk time!"...then you have a good new friend.
(Now knock her socks off, and build up your slightly-bruised ego by making her a kick-bootie delicious lunch on your Target plates [my Target plates are my "fancy" plates, and they are the best plates ever]! Let me know if you need any menu ideas.
Good luck to you, and your new friend!
D. C.