Huge Problem with My 6 1/2 Yr. Old Stealing!

What? not go through the backpack and find out if there is homework due the next day. Don't you check the pocket of thing as they go into the wash? Not pay attention and knowing what they are doing and where they are going. Just believe everything she said without question. Are kidding me? Are serious? Kid whose parents know what going on are less likely to get into trouble, do drug,steal etc. Trust is something that is earned not blindling given especially to a 6 yr old. You don't blindly give you kid freedom that wasn't earned, they need boundaries. She needs to know you are in charge, that you make the rules and follow through with the displine when she breaks the rules. This sound like she is trying to get your attention for awhile. Example: If you have a teenage or (bigger kid) getting good grades, doing what thery are suppose to and be where they are suppose to, then fine they earned it. But, if they are not doing what they are suppose to, not where they are suppose to be, hanging out with the wrong friends the you do what Dr. Phil calls "Commando Parenting". (You can Commando Parent a 6 yr old). Read Dr Phil, go to his web site (google it). If she is stealing $40.00 now at 6, you wont be able to control her at 12. Sorry to sound harsh with you, but you need to parent. Parenting is more than feeding and clothing little bodies (and giving them eveything they want), its also raising them to be responsible adults that know right from wrong.

J., you have every right to go through your child's stuff. You need to know if there is homework that needs to be done, permission forms that need to be signed, letters from the school that need to be read and you need to know what your child has been up too, in this case, stealing. YOU are the grown-up here, the boss, you call the shots. 6yr olds don't get privacy, 13yr olds dont get privacy, 18 yr olds don't get privacy. You are living in your house under your rules. I know it sounds old fashioned but kids of old didn't have the problems kids today do. If you don't lay down the law now, she will be smoking by 12. I've seen it over and over again. I have 3 brothers and they all started smoking and stealing cigarettes at 12 and for my parents to try and lay down the law then, it was too late. As a result, they were all expelled from their schools and couldn't go back, they had to be put in a private school and it was hard to find one that would accept them. YOu have to start now. Do not confront her, she may lie about where she got the money. Do like another mom suggested, call the police, have him talk to her, "arrest" her and show her what will happen if she does this again. Maybe she did get the money honestly, from a friend or neighbor, but any person suspected of a crime is always arrested then later released if innocent. You also need to let her know that your trust for her is gone and she has to earn it back. If she needed money she needed to ask for it or work for it, but stealing is never an option.

She is old enough to help load and unload the dishwasher, sort the laundry, pull weeds, pick up trash and sticks from the yard, clean the bathroom. YOu'd be amazed at how early kids can learn to do things. But you really need to nip this problem in the bud before it escalates to more serious issues. You have every right to go through their things, most of which you bought yourself with your money. If a child has something to hide then you know there's a problem. This will be hard to deal with but you must be firm and hold your ground and you need to have your husband standing firm right beside you. You can do this and you must do this. Above all though, make sure your child knows you love her and will always love her but you can't allow her to do wrong things. Best wishes

C.

I have four girls and two of them went through this very thing! This is what my husband and I did. First we didn't ask if she had done it (cause that just sets them up to lie again) we went staright to the why and where. Then we explained that we would go to bat for them no matter what (at school with a bully or a teacher that was rude, if some one took from them ect) They know how harsh we can be when someone hurts our kids. We also told them that there was nothing they could ever do that would make us not love them. However, If they were going to lie and steal then we wouldn't be able to believe them if they came to us with a problem. So we waited ( which took about a day ) and as soon as they came and said "Mom, so and so called me this or that," Our response was "sorry, I can't believe you cause you lied to me before." Even when we knew they were telling the truth, we would side with the other party just to get there goat and remind them that we couldn't trust them because of there past actions and that until they earned that trust back they were on there own. (Mind you if it was really serious we intervened). We have always told our kids that if you tell the truth the consequences will be so much easier, and if you lie to us then your asking for 3 X's te punishment.

The result.... The next time they were caught doing something they knew they wern't suposed too. They nearly shouted. Yes I did it I am sorry! I swear I am not lying. What do I have to do to make it up. It was almost comical. It took quite a bit of this for one of my girls but she will be 8 in Feb. and even if she knows that she is going to get in trouble she will fess up. She tells me that she kows if she lies then it will be 10 times worse. She also says that if something happens and she needs my help she wants me to believe her and be on her side.

My sister saw us doing this and thought it was harsh to turn our backs on a little child who's feelings were so hurt until her boys started lying. So she tried it. He boy that turned eight is a scrapper. he will fess up to anything now!! She says if one of his brothers comes in crying he is right behind them saying I did it. Over and over again.

Hi J.,

I wouldn't feel bad at all about going through your child's things. My mom "cleaned my room" on a fairly regular basis, probably more so when I was a teen. You need to know about your kids and every chance you have to find out you need to take. Ignorance is no excuse. Your child is depending on you to teach her right from wrong. It is heart breaking when you've tried to teach the lessons and you find out the lessons haven't been carried through to her actions. However, you need to continue with the lesson. My mom and dad had very creative punishments for us (me, younger sister, and younger brother). We never knew what the consequences were going to be and part of the punishment was sometimes waiting for mom and dad to figure out what the punishment was going to be.

Best of Luck,
TRUDI

When my son was 6, in the first grade, he was caught stealing Pokemon cards. He had also stolen a candy bar at the store before that, so this was his second offense. We were not too sure what to do. We talked to him, but felt that it wasn't enough. I called the police dept. to ask what they thought. They sent over an officer in a police car to our home. The officer talked with us and with Jack. Then with our permision, the officer patted Jack down and put him in hand cuffs. Then he took us all in the back of the police car to the police station. There we got a tour and experienced what a criminal would experience. The officer was great and we NEVER have had problem since, he is now 11. In fact, I think it made an impression on my then 3 year old, because she has never stolen (knock on wood) and she is now 7.5! I hope you find a way to make an impression on your daughter. Know that stealing at this age is very typical!

A.