My son is seventeen years old and is in high school, the high school he goes to splits up the Freshman and sophmores and the Junior and Seniors so all their facilities and resources are seperate, and while lessons are from 9AM to 4PM the building is open at 8AM to 5PM for people wising to do extra revision, homework etc, or just have a later bus.
Something the school has in the learning centre is a lot of DVD's a lot of them are in foreign languages for the language students makes sense, but they also have a lot of normal films, comedies, horrors, romances, dramas, etc. which I think is a good idea, give the students free films to keep them out of trouble for the weekend.
The issue is only students studing film related subjects are allowed to take DVD's out, originally my son did anyway because the librarian was quite fond of him, but she went on maternity leave and the new woman was very strict about only the film or language students taking out DVD's.
I thought it was bad, but hey rules are rules, but I recently found out for the last six months every Friday evening just before the school closes (he is usually the last one there because he doesn't like taking work home) while the librarian is packing up he will browse the DVD's and just slip 2 or 3 into his pocket for the weekend, he'll watch them over the weekend and then Monday morning, he is usuallly in before the librarian and puts them back.
He's a good kid, he is doing fairly well in school and is well mannered and has a good understanding of right and wrong, but his attitude towards this seems very nonchalent, the way I found out was literally he came home excited about one of the DVD's he had found and showed me and when I asked him if they had changed the rules he just told me "no, but its the weekend, who's going to miss them for a couple of days" and I told him he needed to be careful about that and he just said "I've been doing it all year, I don't think I think I'll be okay"
He does not really need DVD's admittedly I can monopolize the television in the living room at times but he has his laptop that he can watch Netflix on, he said he just likes having a film on in the background in his bedroom and apparently thinks that the rule about only Film Students being able to take out films is ridiculous.
How do you suppose you would react to something like this?
I would be his mom instead of his friend about this. I'd tell him that the rules are in place for a reason and while he might not agree with the rules he still must follow them. Taking the movies is stealing even if he takes them back before they are noticed. If he does it again next week then I'd ground him.
Well, this is not black and white, sort of falls in a gray area. My opinion is that yes, he's breaking a rule. But I don't see it as stealing either. He's taking them right before they close for the weekend and bringing them back first thing Monday. Since he was open with me and told me the truth, I think I would tell him I don't agree with what he's doing, but I understand *why* he's doing it. I would also tell him there's a good chance he will get caught and if so, there will be a consequence for him so he should be ready for that. JMO. Good luck.
I would tell him that he must stop doing this as he may get into trouble if/when he gets caught.
I would also suggest that he make a proposal to the principal that perhaps on fridays @ 4:30, any movies not checked out by the 'film' students' be made available to the general student body, and that they be returned first thing Monday morning.
This would perhaps be a service to other students, and if this were implemented, he would no longer have to sneak the movies.
In the interim, (and particularly if they will not make this accommodation) I would recommend he stop sneaking the movies. If he is caught, it would become a blemish on his school record. Why take that risk?
Best
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Veruca and I must have been typing at the same time! lol
She said it more eloquently, but the thoughts are the same!
(great minds and all that!!!!!!)
If he had no intention of returning them it would be stealing. Although this is a grey area, I believe in breaking stupid rules in principle. This is a stupid rule, and I would probably talk to the librarian myself about changing it, or at least find out why it's in place.
I know I'm in the minority here, but your son isn't hurting anyone, he's simply breaking a questionable rule that one librarian didn't enforce for a good reason, and this one does. Is it wrong? Technically, but morally? No.
I would react like this:
This is completely inappropriate. You are breaking rules and I won't tolerate it. If you continue to do so, you will lose privileges and be punished, both at home and at school. Now, the rule is a bad rule, so let's see what we can do to change that rule properly so that you are no longer being dishonest and cheating the system. After all, all students should benefit, not just the cheaters.
You don't teach your children they get what they want by lying and cheating. You don't endorse your child having advantage over others through dishonesty. I get that the rule is wrong, but then you fight to fix the rule.
Eta- gee, you think you gave enough personal information in your profile? Have you never been on the internet before? Anyone could find you in a heartbeat with all that.
I'd be 'borrowing' his lap top for a few days and see if he minds it being missing.
This is right up there with women buying a dress to wear it once and then returning it after they have done so.
It's dishonest.
If he wants to do things that Film Students do then he can become a Film Student.
This sort of thinking he has has GREAT potential for landing him in a heap of trouble.
Nip it now.
I work in a library and completely understand policy. I can tell you the reason only the film students are allowed to take these out of the library is because these materials are there for their educational enrichment as part of a course of study. The library isn't Redbox. Media has a tendency to go missing or get damaged, so stricter guidelines and rules have to be in place for these material types so that they can be there to support the educational mission.
You might want to mention that taking property without checking it out from a library is punishable by law. It's essentially stealing in the eyes of the law. It doesn't matter if he is intending to return the DVDs or not. He's old enough to understand this, but he's probably not aware of the consequences. In NC it's a class 1 misdemeanor. I know this sounds harsh, and surely the librarian wouldn't call the police. However, a college librarian or public librarian most certainly wouldn't blink an eye. So, it's a valuable lesson to learn now.
My advice would be to have him come clean to the school librarian, and offer to help around the library as punishment- shelf books, clean tables, shelf read, etc.
Probably any kid would do this if their mom said, "You need to be careful about that" after finding out they had been doing it all year rather than "You are breaking the rules. Do not bring the DVDs home anymore."
You seem to sympathize with his position. You feel it is a silly rule. You're only moderately concerned that he's doing it and you seem unsure if you should be. That's a squishy boundary so he's doing what he wants. If all the kids snuck DVDs out, they would get lost. Personally, I would not let my kids do this. But you seem semi OK with it.
It's a slippery slope to teach a child they only need to respect the laws they are OK with and they can sneak past the ones they choose.
I would probably just say you know what you've been doing is wrong. Stop doing it. Then I would tell my kid to go to the local public library and use their facilities to borrow movies.
I would feel that as a mom you and he must have a very close and trusting relationship. Good for you that he told you the truth.
Let him know that he can get caught and with Murphy's Law, he will probably get caught.
I totally understand his rationale, however.
Honestly, I wouldn't care.
But, it's a good opportunity to teach him a better way to effect change would be to start a petition or write an articulate letter to the principal outlining his case.
I can tell you my husband would likely tip off the librarian and let "natural consequences" take over.
(Our parenting styles balance each other out, lol)
This is what's called a "teachable moment" - there's a difference between doing the right thing and doing the wrong thing/not getting caught. If your son isn't driving yet, he will be soon, so it's not unlike speeding if there's no cop around or running a stop sign if there is no other driver. You do the right thing.
Now, is the rule unreasonable? The way you've explained it, yes. The thing to do is to have your son write a well-reasoned letter about the policy. This could be to the principal or to the librarian (with a copy to the principal), or to any committee that oversees the library (see if there is a media committee or something similar). Finding out who is in charge and who is authorized to make changes is part of your son's investigation. This is an intellectual exercise.
These resources are in the school but not being fully utilized. While there may or may not be justification for keeping certain materials reserved for specific students, do they restrict library books as well saying that only students in certain classes can check them out? What is the justification for keeping materials in the library on weekends when someone else could be taking advantage of them? Your son could bolster his argument with an approximate count of the DVDs in the library and the likely price (conservatively estimated), then multiply it out. Is this a $10,000 inventory collecting dust? If these DVDs are worth having because of their educational value, why not make them available to the entire student body? There could be a deadline as someone else suggested - after 4:30 on Fridays, they are available to anyone, and due back at 8 AM on Monday. Students who don't return them could be fined just as with any library book.
Your job is to help him craft this letter, and to tell him you will not condone his stealing. Your reaction "to be careful about this" really condones the "do it and don't get caught" philosophy which I think is really going to hurt your credibility as a parent. Instead, teach him about proper civil discourse and how we go about changing rules (and laws) in this country.
This has nothing to do with whether he "needs" the DVDs. It's about a school resource that is rationed, and since education is supposed to be the great equalizer, it's baffling why a school would prohibit responsible students from taking advantage of expensive materials. But it's up to your son to argue that point.
If he wants to turn this into a petition with other students signing on, that's the American and democratic way.
My son and his friends were opposed to a school policy that suddenly began restricting cross country training routes. A teen had been hit by a car (freak accident with neither the teen nor the driver paying attention), and then the athletic department banned training runs on a bunch of other streets (not the one where the accident occurred). So a group of students put together a statement which analyzed the routes and acknowledged the need for safety but questioned the efficacy of this policy. They even had tee shirts made up listing the forbidden streets and created a campaign to "free" these streets. They found out how to get on the School Committee Meeting agenda, they waited their turn respectfully, and they presented their argument. They showed respect to the administration by stating that they understood the concern for safety, and by suggesting some safety precautions that could be implemented (running in a tight group, wearing reflective gear, etc.). It was outstanding. They didn't win out, but they gained the respect of the principal, the School Board, the Superintendent and Assistant Superintendent. They learned how the democratic process works by participating in it. But they didn't just flaunt the rule.
Teach your son that anything worth fighting for is worth doing well. Meantime you will help develop his ability to respectfully protest, his ability to research and write a cogent response to this policy, and help him negotiate with the powers that be. This will be terribly strengthening to him regardless of the outcome.
I think I'd call the school and ask about allowing all the students the opportunity to check out movies. This is an awesome thing for them to have.
I understand the students who need them for class should have first pick but the rest are just sitting there.
I think when the rules are outdated and need to be changed then people need to take up the issue and work on making changes.
I'd also tell him he's basically stealing the movies since he's not checking them out, he's hiding them in his stuff and he is sneaking them out.
This behavior is so wrong, on so many levels. What if he wanted some gum at Walmart and didn't have enough money? Sneak a pack into his pocket?
I would take him into school on monday and make him admit to stealing. He gets to deal with school\legal trouble and my punishment which would probably be about a month of grounding.
Although the rule IS ridiculous, what your son is doing is stealing. If he gets caught, his excuse of "I was going to return them" is going to sound pretty lame. The risk of this behavior (getting caught for stealing and possibly being expelled because of it) doesn't outweigh the return (getting to watch a movie, which he could probably watch on Netflix or something).
If he is truly passionate about this, he should be working to get the rule changed through legal and reasonable means. You need to have a serious talk with him because he really DOESN'T have a good understanding of right and wrong (or of risk and consequences, apparently). His understanding basically comes down to "If *I* think it's a bad rule, *I* don't have to follow it" and "I can get away with it, so I'm going to break the rule." That attitude won't serve him well.
I'm a believer in civil disobedience.
This is a ridiculous rule, for one. Secondly, he is not "stealing" anything as long as he returns it.
I personally would let him figure this out for himself. He is a teenager and perfectly capable of living with consequences.
Maybe you could help him petition the school for a rule change.
Also, remind him that the local library has movies as well.
Stealing is stealing whether is be from a store or school. Consequences are a must.
the rule, itself, is stupid, however, you dont want your son be made an example of, because he broke a rule that was stupid. tell him to take the movies back, just slip them on the counter and leave. if he "fesses" that he has been taking movies for a year or so, they might decide to make an example of him and decide to make him pay for the movies he borrowed for the last year..plus interest and penalties.., while the "film students" get them for free..return the movies, just slip them on the desk and leave. K. h.
