How Would You React? a Learning Topic About Gratitude

I know what you mean. I took one of my son's friend home from school everyday for 9th grade, I sometimes fed him and took him back for band commitments (my son's commitment also). Did I get a thank you? No. Did I get a drop of gas money? No.

What I did get was my child seeing my compassion. I got another boy who calls me mom. I got to show a boy with a very strained parental relationship another kind of relationship between mom and child.
A year of driving, expensive. A year of giving, priceless.

You did an awesome thing. Some people feel entitled. It sounds like this family did and didn't have the decency to thank you properly. Its very sad because they have taught their child that you don't have to say thank you for anything or to be appreciative. You gave them a huge gift.

The grandma and or the older daughter should have been stepping up to help---the very least they could have done is say thank you on behalf of the parents etc. Or gave you some $ for gas.

Ok---so I think your point is that this family requested help from a stranger rather than to have the older sis or grandma do it, right?
But the thing is that we have no idea if the sister worked or attended school, or if the grandmother worked or had an irregular work schedule that would not allow for the commitment you made time-wise.
You did a wonderful thing.
You did it for the right reasons and you made a real and significant difference in their lives that year!

I'm not sure what your question is but I don't help people to receive gratitude. I do what I can to the best of my ability, don't do what I cannot do, and try to do right by everyone I try to help. I try not to judge based on what I see because there is no way I could know all of the details that lead someone to need help.

the uninvolved grandmother is probably why they asked for your help in the first place..keep the commitment, you will thank yourself later
K. h. as a disabled person i can say quite clearly that i have never become numb or expected help from people, i have however gotten tired of the rudeness of some people who expect a long drawn out explanation of my injury, i mean, i was in walmart for go#s sake! go ahead LOOK, take a picture if you feel the need, but dont expect me to talk to you for twenty minutes about a thirty three old injury! and dont give the "oh, i am sorry" i am not! my younger sisters carseat broke my shoulder but saved her, small price to pay, wouldnt you say?now if you will excuse me, i gotta find my toddler

I don't help people to receive gratitude, but I sure as hell do judge when they don't show it. Oh yes I said it, I judge when they don't show it and I can't help but wonder where are their manners?? That's pretty sad that she couldn't even say thank you not even once. And the grandma saying 'good for you'?? What a joke.

Once a couple years ago in my daughter's class a letter was sent home about a boy's mom who was going to have surgery and would be unable to cook dinners for a while. So the letter was asking for parents to donate dinners for a month. I volunteered and had pizzas and sodas delivered to the family. This was a family of 6 or 7 by the way so it wasn't cheap. Never got a thank you note, email, nothing. I'm assuming neither did any of the other parents.

Sorry but having a disability or injury is not a free pass to be without manners. I'm sure these are the same people who want to be treated equally or no different than others. I do think some of them feel entitled or become numb to all the help they receive, just like this mom probably has someone driving her child every year so she's come to expect it.

So to answer your question I probably would've resigned from being their personal driver well before the year was over. I'd also remind my daughter to always get my permission before volunteering me for anything. Although her heart was in the right place, it would've been awkward if you had to say no for some reason.

Also it doesn't matter if we don't know all the details, it only takes a second to say the words 'thank you' or to type out a quick email, or to have your husband make a quick call and say it for you, or write a short note. Really no effort at all. There's no excuse for no manners.

Think of Karma as a balance scale. The good side of your Karma scale greatly outweighs the bad side of your Karma scale. If you send out good thoughts, ideas and energy -- you get good thoughts, ideas and energy sent back to you, not always by the same person. If someone lets you get ahead of them in line at the grocery checkout, or in traffic that is the good coming back to you.

This little girl may never say thank you to you but she will never forget you either. One day she will do something really nice for someone you may never meet. That is called paying it forward.

This family is probably simply overwhelmed. Put yourself in the place of a young mother who has just been given a death sentence and there are no appeals.

That's a big commitment to have made, and it should have been asked of the parents not the children (i.e - they shouldn't have given a child an adult problem or adult responsibility). Since you were ok with it though, sounds like it worked well. As for the Grandma, you do not know what the grandmother's situation was in terms of being available all the time to take the child to school or had other kids that needed help, etc. I do think it's sad that the child's parents never said thank you, but I think your actions helped a child and were pleasing to God.

I'm not seeing a problem here...you volunteered, they accepted.

When we give, it should be from the heart without any expectations of thanks/approval. To expect any response negates the giving. To expect recompensation for your efforts....also negates "giving".

I applaud your daughter. What a wonderful child. Kudos to you for helping the other family. For myself, I would have continued the volunteer transportation as long as it was needed.

& as for the grandmother.....perhaps her time is filled with work, her own responsibilities, & providing for the Mom.

& with the 22yo daughter.....perhaps her time is filled with work, school, & her own life. My older son is 25, & his time is not "my" time to fill in.

You did a great thing and you helped a child get to school all year long. That is huge and you had far more patience than most of us would have had in the same situation.

Yes, it does seem as though they were ungrateful...a thank you would have been appropriate for sure.

Bottom line is that you know that you put yourself out there and did a great thing...you have to just be proud of that.

Why did you write this. I'm confused is there a question?

Why are you still thinking about this? It's been 4 years since you did this. I would've wanted them to thank me but I'd let it go long before now.

Later; Know that you did a good thing. You were helping the child. Yes, it appears that the family could've done more but the child would not be able to enlist the families help. Focus on the fact that you were helping a child and you did make a difference for that child.

It would be good to get a thank you. At the same time realize that we do good things for people, not for the thanks but because it's the right thing to do. We are helping ourselves when we help other people.

Later: You do not actually know that family members could've helped by driving her to school and picking her up. It just looks that way.

I feel sad they you're not going to volunteer to help anyone else because you had a bad experience with this one child/family. The lesson I would learn is to get more information before doing something and to be assertive about asking for thanks when that's important to you.

I'll bet the family members refused to do it.

Your experience sounds like it was ingratitude all the way around with the family and a sense of entitlement. I'm amazed you kept at it all year, to be honest.

I know that it would have been hard for you to do, but telling them how you felt about the fact that they never once thanked you would have been appropriate.

Dawn

You can't control other people's behavior. It is unfortunate that the family appeared to be ungrateful but you can focus on and feel good about helping someone in need and being a good example to your children as you showed compassion and dependability. And a lesson about how others will sometimes let you down but you continue to stand up is invaluable to your kids.

I think, rather than a topic about gratitude, you were able to teach your daughter compassion for others......

You already had a big-hearted little girl, one who would volunteer her mother, and know her mother WOULD help out others....

But this gave you the chance for your daughter to share you for that year..... this gave your daughter a chance to see YOUR compassion for a person you had never met.

That is the biggest lesson you can teach your child... compassion for others, no matter what their circumstance.

You did a great thing and God will bless you for it. But you have jumped to conclusions thinking that there were family that could have helped.

My first thought about grandma is perhaps she is on dialysis or something of the sort and so is unable/unavailable to take the child to school on a regular basis. You would not know that by just meeting her.

Also, perhaps the sister also has to be out of the area early for her own job or perhaps she is on dialysis or something of the short rendering her unavailable on a regular basis.

There may be MANY reasons why the family could not do this for themselves.

Don't second-guess your generosity and don't assume you've learned lessons that were not meant to be taught.

You did a great thing and you taught your children that in doing so.
You went above and beyond.
Good things will come back to you.

Having said that, I hope you told your daughter never to volunteer your
services without checking with you first then YOU will do the volunteering by calling the school that afternoon. :)

Wonderful act of kindness & role model.