Ok, so before anyone panics; no, we did not leave our child alone with a perfect stranger. She is not quite a stranger, as she comes with great recommendations from someone I know. Here is the situation: I have to have a medical procedure out of town and my child couldn't be there with me. I used to live in that city and because the doctor knows me, I decided to have the procedure there. We figured my husband and my 5 yr old could just wait for me but the clinic actually does not allow children on the premises. So, we were in a bit of a pickle. Someone I know from back then connected me with a mom in the area who I have not met but that she "trusts extremely". They know each other through church. The mom has a 5 yr old and an 8 yr old. Now that I've spoken to her and hubby and I have discussed things and we are comfortable that our child will be safe with her, the next question is how do we thank her? My friend doesn't think this mom is expecting payment. Though I have some comfort from my friend's trust in her, to this mom I really am a stranger she's never met, from a place far away and yet here she is doing this big favor for us when she doesn't have to. Since I wouldn't want to offend her by offering money, what are some ways to thank her? We are only here for a couple of days and having the procedure soon.
Thanks to all those who gave helpful answers. I guess in my mind, I'm afraid that if I offer someone money for something like this, they might feel like I see them as "hired help" rather than the wonderfully selfless person that she is. But I see that a lot of people think it is ok to offer money, so I need to consider that (I grew up in a different culture an sometimes I don't completely understand all the nuances here). I do get to see her again before we leave, so I will try those ideas then, and if she really won't take money, I like all the other ideas you guys gave me. Thanks for the well wishes on the procedure. So far so good, I have a check up in 2 weeks and we'll know more then :)
Do NOT ask what she charges! Do it like Amy J. Suggested.
INSIST. And have a card with cash ready , sealed and hand it to her with profound thanks when you pick up!!!
That's the grateful and classy way to handle this.
Good luck!
Definitely ask her what she charges. I have done lots of babysitting and I would be offended if anyone assumed I wasn't expecting payment.
You won't offend her. INSIST on paying her. Be ready to pay her. Tell her you are planning to pay her. A really good price too. Don't make her tell you a rate or ask in any way. Figure out top dollar for the service, and offer it. Then IF she's like, "Oh, no no no no no no no I would not DREAM of accepting your money, you are a friend of a friend and I don't need money, oh no no no no no no no.." then insist AGAIN. If she's still all like, "Oh, no way forget it I am so offended and I DO NOT want money" THEN you send her a nice thank you gift after the fact. Bouquet, flowers, wine, gift certificate, etc.
That way, even if she doesn't plan on accepting money from you, at least you do not look presumptuous or rude.
So why doesn't your husband drop you off and take your daughter out. When you are ready to go, they will call him and they could come and get you. You will not be the only one that has a child come with a spouse for pick up. Actually they will bring you out. So basically, you really do not need a babysitter.
She is more than likely doing this as a favor, HOWEVER, do not assume this is a favor. You said your friend said....she doesn't "think" the mom is expecting payment.
Even if she may not be expecting payment, I would at least ask her how much she charges. I
I don't think she would be offended if you asked.. I think it would be offensive to not ask and simply assume it is a favor.
If she confirms that it is a favor, I would give her some sort of gift card or gift basket with goodies everyone in their family can enjoy.
I hope your procedure goes well and you have a speedy recovery!
We did exactly the same thing with my boys. We were out of state for a funeral and we really did not want to take our 4 and 7 year olds. A lovely lady that my husband's uncle knew from church took care of them. She had kids close to the age of our kids and they had a great time. We got a thank you card and put a gift card for In-N-Out in it. (She had mentioned that they ate there frequently.)
I hope you have a safe procedure and a fast recovery!
If you have spoken with the woman? Why not just ask her how much she is will charge to take care of your child. That's what I would do. You don't want to offend her? Okay - so say this: "We are so thankful for your help during this time! What can we do to say thank you? Would you accept money or is there something I can do?"
If you do home made stuff? Find out if there are any food allergies and bake something for her or make something for her. A nice thank you note goes a long way as well.
Maybe a gift basket from a nice shop in your home town, with some specialty baked goods or local honey, wine, cheeses, etc?
Perhaps you could ask your friend for the name of a nice restaurant in the area and get her a gift card? or a Visa card that would let her choose her favorite thing to do (or buy gas or something practical). We did something similar and it worked out. We had to be out of town to attend a family funeral. During the funeral mass our son stayed with a friend of a neighbor of my parents who had a little boy her age. We were grateful that a stranger would offer to help in our time of need. She refused any payment so I sent her a thank you note and some books for her son.
I don't think that you will offend her by asking how much she'd like per hour.
If she says oh, it's just a favor, then a nice token will be appreciated.
Give her a thank you card with some cash in it. She deserves to be paid and asking someone how much you owe them puts them on the spot. I'd give her a twenty or a fifty, again, it would entirely depend on how many hours she watched her.
If it was just a couple of hours the twenty would be fine. If she watches her from 5am through 4pm then I'd give her more, if you don't want to do a fifty then give her a couple of twenties.
Sorry, I heard it this way: A stranger is a friend you haven't met yet!
Hope your procedure goes alright.
Gift card, card with money and oh don't laugh, my personal favorite is soaps from BED BATH AND BEYOND.
I would talk to her. Tell her how much you appreciate her help. "My friend does not think she is expecting payment"- I would call and ask her. Say I would like to pay you for helping me out. See what she says. But I would ask her directly. If she insists on not being payed - a good idea would be to pick up an Amex or Visa gift card (grocery and drug stores have them) and put it in a nice card. Have it ready when you pick up your D. Write a brief note and Thank her and here's a little fun money to go get a manicure, etc. Good luck with your procedure :)
I agree gift card to a restaurant, Target or something like that.
Your friend doesn't think she is expecting money. But suppose your friend is wrong! It would be embarrassing if she was expecting payment and you showed up with candy or a gift basket. I think you need to ask her. If she says she doesn't want payment, you're free to make a choice of giving her a gift card, a gift basket etc.
Maybe I look at things differently but my children are very important to me. So important that my hubby would stay with the child during my procedure and then pick me up. Yes, I have had several surgeries over the course of being a mom which equates to a lot of time spent in the hospital alone. But my kids were safe with their father, and that was a stress reliever.
I think the restaurant gift card is a good idea!
