I baby-sit 2 kids for a women that works with my Mom. Their b-days are April of '05 and October of '06. They have 3 convertible car seats and one NO BACK BOOSTER. Currently they have a seat in each car for the 2 year old, and transfer the seat back and forth for the baby. (I supply my own car seats for the kids.) Well, their Dad has been picking them up on Fridays, so the mom has to leave a car seat for the baby. Just yesterday she was complaining about how hard it is to get the baby seat out every week and started talking about the no back booster she has (from her first son who is now an 8th grader!) and that maybe she'll give that one to her husband for their daughter, so they can use the other seat in his car for the baby.
I don't want to make her feel like a bad mom, but HOW DO I TELL HER THIS IS DANGEROUS?!? I even spent about 2 hours looking for car seats they might be able to afford and sent them the info. They thanked me for the info but said they didn’t like that type. I have been SEARCHING for a website that has very clear guide lines on the age/stage they should be allowed to transition to each type of seat and haven’t found one that is as clear as I’d like. I know that they should stay reverse until they out grow the seat capacity to allow it safely, then be switched to forward facing 5 point harness until AT LEAST 40 pounds, and preferably 4 years, THEN- into a booster, again-preferably a high back, belt positioning booster that lasts to 100 lbs. How do I convey all of this to her without it sounding like I’m calling her a bad mom or that she doesn’t know what’s best for her child’s safety. If something happens to this little girl because she wasn’t in the right type of seat, I’m going to feel guilty if I’ve said nothing to her about the danger she’s preparing her daughter for.
Any links or advise would be GREATLY appreciated!!!!! Thanks~ J.
Well, I have sent multipule links to both of them. I have mentioned how much safe it is for a child to remain in a 5 point harness as long as possiible. (I talked about why i love my son's Britax Regent so much.) I have even mentioned that I don't believe it's legal for a child under 4 to ride in a backless booster. So far, they don't seem to be worried. They believe that she is "Close enough to the miminum weight requirement of the seat that they are fine." She's only 28 lbs, the seat's minimum weight 30 lbs. It could be 8 months before she actually weighs enough! My son was 38.5 lbs on his 2nd b-day. He is now 39.2 and it's been 7.5 months! Oh well. I will pray for her safety every time her Dad picks her up. I have done what I can, now it's up to her parents and God! Thank you for all the advice and suggestions you ladies have offered. ~J.
Try going to www.parentcenter.babycenter.com. You have to sign up, but it's free. They send me regular emails and I just got one that talked all about car seat safety laws. A.
I understand how you feel, I've seen countless children riding in cars improperly and it saddens me because you never know what might happen. I don't think there is a way you can explain to her that it's unsafe without her feeling like you are being overbearing. Just say what you have to say in a nice way and leave it at that. At that point you have done all that you can do to warn her about their safety. If you pray then pray that the kids will be protected but until the parents get it, then there is nothing you can say. As a mother I would have a great fear of my kids not being in proper seats but not all parents have that same fear.
I think they have information on most police websites about carseats. maybe you can find that and forward that to her and then tell her you "heard" of an accident where the kid was thrown from the car because they were not strapped in. Or in fact there was an incident here in orange county where a young mother was going around a ramp too fast and the car flew over the ramp, the baby was thrown out but survived because he was in the right carseat for his age. You might try googling that article and showing her that.
It is an unfortunate situation but at this point I don't think people like being told what is right and wrong. It is very sad but sometimes they have to find out on their own that is a very dangerous thing to do and it should not have to be at the childs expense.
If you are really worried you can go purchase an inexpensive one yourself and tell her that it was a gift to you and you don't need it so you are passing it along.
"If something happens to this little girl because she wasn’t in the right type of seat, I’m going to feel guilty if I’ve said nothing to her about the danger she’s preparing her daughter for." I think this is a good start on what you should say to her mom. I'm not sure of any websites, but i can tell you that i saw this happen with a friend of mine, She put her daughter in the backless booster seat way too early and she was pulled over, and fined, and she could have been in trouble for negligence. IT IS considered ABUSE. This is something you should not let go of. I know it is really hard, but that baby doesn't have a voice of her own. God Bless and I hope everything turns out safe and happy.
There is a site called freecycle.com you can ask for anything you may need ie: car seat and you will receive many responses, let her know about this or get one for her.
I asked my ped about this just last week
the LAW states car seat until 6 and 60!!!!!!
http://www.inventiveparent.com/state-laws.htm
http://www.chp.ca.gov/html/safetyseats.html
and that a 5 point harness must be used until the child is 40lbs..
Hope this helps
H.
I used to babysit too...and had a similar problem and i had the same sentiments as you. I gave the parents all kinds of research I did, (like you), and spoke to them about it (like you did)....all to no avail. There is only so much you can do. Car seats are the LAW. They should know that... they are endangering their child. You could always 'report' them... but that's a touchy thing to do. It's their conscience that they have to reckon with, if anything happens to their child. It's sad...but not all parents take child safety seriously. It's not right to take a child's life (or any life) for granted. In my situation, i talked to the parents until I was blue in the face... it fell on deaf ears. I finally GAVE them one of my own car-seats to 'borrow'...and they used it. But they never paid for it(which they offered to do) or even really thanked me for it. Meanwhile it got all dirty and unkept. But at least their child was now in a car seat. A proper one. Again, there is only so much you can do, with resistant parents. Not everyone will act on good advice. It's sad. At least you are a good advocate for your children's care. Good for you. Good luck!
~Susan
www.cafepress.com/littlegoogoo
I cannot tell you, how angry this unsafe "mom" has made me, but I'm sure you understand. If I were you, I would offer your findings on car-seat safety regulations again, and also offer price findings, (you can buy a regulation carseat for a child for as little as $40) And if you are truly worried about it, you can drop the BOMB and say, "I am very uncomfortable about how you are transporting your children, and if this situation isn't fixed, I will no longer provide care for your children."
A woman whom I work with's child was traveling unsafely in his father's car, and they were in an accident. The child sustained an eye injury, because his father "didn't think" the conditions were unsafe, his eyeball was split in two, and has not healed. Now, their son has limited vision, and must undergo eye-surgery....... He is only 5, and will either have to suffer a frightening surgery, or be blind in 1 eye for life!!!!!!!!
we got our car seat (actually a travel system) from a garage sale and it was like $50 for everything and it was less than a year old - I would explain that way to her if she has a money problem.
If you are babysitting the kids, maybe you should pick up a seat for them. You can get one very cheap... then just charge them a bit extra for babysitting.
I am sure you could also find a free one. Kids grow out of carseats everyday and people get rid of them.
Maybe you could ask around.
Why don't you suggest that she go down with you to the police station. You can call and find out if they will also come out to advise about how to figure out right car seats for the children and making sure that it is installed correctly. If they are that financially desperate, I think they will find that the police will either refer them someone or else make sure they know how much more costly it is NOT to have the carseat.
The dad should also pay them a visit. They are happy to provide this service. You will also be educated at the same time so that you both and the father, will know whether what you believe is right or wrong. :-)
Good luck.
find out your state requirements for carseats. I live in Calif and they are very clear by age and weight requirements-
Babies ride rear-facing and reclined (45-degree angle) until 1 year old and at least 20 pounds.
Toddlers ride forward-facing and upright with a harness until 40 pounds.
Children who are over 40 pounds or have outgrown the harness system use a lap and shoulder belt-positioning booster seat. CA STATE LAW
try googling carseats and your state. Also carseats only are good for about 5 years the new ones have an expiration date on them because the plastic can become brittle- I had to have a huge fight with my mom on that one, she had a carseat from my niece who is now 9 and kept telling me is was still in great condition because the cover was clean and it was hardly used. yeah I'm worried about the cover being clean?!? good luck, thanks for looking out for the kids! :)
K.
You have done all that you can without out the getting upset with you. If you take them in your car then you can do the right thing and that's all you can do. My sister in law and in laws never used car seats, gggrrr. OMG how could people do that?? So if they ever had my son 9yrs old now I put the car seat in their car so I knew it was done and correct! Same with my daughter who's 22 months old. You can do what you can I min visits and car rides with them but that is something I have the control over. They allow my niece to sit in the front none of them wear seatbelts. Believe me my loud mouth I always shout out "buckle up" I have even removed my 9yr old from the front seat and put him in the back. They told him to sit in the front but he told them he can't, again ggrr. So I do what I can and what I can control. Sadly and hopefully these people won't learn the hard way. They get your point and don't seem to care much. I think you can only protect them when you have them in your car. Sorry!! It's very frustrating I know. Dealing with it for 9 yrs.
Not sure what state you live in, but maybe a $200 ticket might get their attention. Find out the law where you live and point out in writing that the law is..... and the fine is.....
Good luck and good for you
Hi there, you could just tell her, "Hey did ya hear about the booster seat laws now, they are $100 for the first time, can I assist you with getting another car seat"
Hello thank you for taking such good take of other peoples children you sound like you are alot me. I would tell your friend very nicely that how she is breaking the law the way she has her children in the car seats and that she can get in trouble plus it's very unsafe. good luck I hope she will listen to you for her childrens sake.T.
