How to Talk and Stop Fussing with My 12Yr Ol!

I have a 12 yr old daughter. At times I feel like I am speaking to a wall. Sometimes I can say the sky is blue and she would disagree.

I try to keep my mind open and mouth shut and listen to what she has to say. I think back and remember being that age and how I felt about my single mom. I hated the nagging from my mom. Also, I sometimes felt like my feelings were not recognized. Although some of my daughters concerns right now seem petty to me....I know it is not petty to her and I try to make sure she knows I will always listen. I feel like this helps because if I give her my undivided attention to listen, she is more apt to listen to me.

Since I have an only child, I have always done everything for her (my fault). Up until recently, she expected her laundry done, etc. To no avail, she would not bring her clothes downstairs to the laundry. I am perfectly ok with doing the laundry, all I ask is that she gets it downstairs and put it away, including her bed linens.

My solution......I did nothing, NONE of her laundry. As she ran out of clothes, she began to whine and complain. This did not last very long because she ran out of her "favorites" to wear. Also, to get her to understand the value of washing linens often....I made sure she saw a news report on "bed bugs". That ended the linen issue on the spot.

Now, I hardly have to remnid her to get laundry to me.

I realize that laundry may not be a big issue for some moms and I am lucky if that is the worst of our issues so far. I stress to her that her "job" is her school work and maintaining her good grades. As long as she is focused on her "job" I will be more than willing to go the extra mile to make things easier for her.

Not sure how that might help someone but it is just my two cents worth.

Have a great weekend! Susan

Mine is 13 yrs old and I have yet to come up with a fool proof way to get him to listen. Im just worried he will one day realize he is taller than mom and weighs 30lbs more than mom and I cant make him listen. lol No my son would never do anything physical (I dont mean it to sound like he would), but when he was younger and he wouldnt take a bath, I could pick him up and put him in the tub. Now I cant. lol Know what I mean.

Look into the Love and Logic stuff....great with teens. Go to www.loveandlogic.com for details on books, dvds etc. I have a list of instructors of the classes for TX, email me if interested and I will attach it to you.

____@____.com

Dr. Phil would say, "Deal in your son's currency." You need to remove what ever he enjoys as a punishment for his behavior. When he does not listen you or rather before his behavior turns negative by not listening. You need to remind him that as his mother you will not be disrespected and that he will lose whatever belonging or privileges he enjoys.
Thats how I best believe to handle the situation. Of course there are other ways.