How to Stop a 21-Month Old from Breastfeeding

Updated on March 30, 2007
R.B. asks from Moosup, CT
8 answers

I had planned to stop breastfeeding when my daughter was 18 months old, and although she drinks from a cup during the day, she just HAS to nurse before bedtime and when she wakes up later on, usually once during the night. I am worried about her getting cavities, even though she does brush her teeth before the initial sleeping period. I've tried giving her a cup or bottle of water before bed, and she still wants to nurse afterwards. I just feel really guilty either way...letting her cry for hours and hours (we once went for 6 hours) or giving in and letting her nurse.

Does anyone know of a way to dry up the milk quickly, so she doesn't even have the option to breastfeed? I really can't afford to let her cry it out because I'm a full-time college student, and need more than a couple hours of sleep to do well during the day!

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So What Happened?

Well, thank you to those who gave me encouragement! I will try the binding idea over the weekend when I'm not in class, and ask my doctor at the next appointment about something to help dry up my milk.

Even though the World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding for the first 2 years, and then for as long as it's still "mutually desired," I think now is a good time to stop before the stubborn toddler years come into full force! I don't agree that extended nursing equals spoiling a child, however...it's just not working for me anymore.

By the way, we just have one bedroom to share, so that might be why my daughter wakes up during the night, especially since her father works 2nd shift and comes in to sleep late.

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S.H.

answers from Albany on

I had the same problem with my oldest. I breastfed him until he was 18 mos and then he started biting. His father came up with the bright idea of telling the baby 'Momma's broken'. I had to stick with it, and that was really hard for the first week. But it worked! Probably because by this time my son understood that broken things don't work anymore and they get taken away. Hopefully this helps. Good luck!

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E.S.

answers from Buffalo on

First off, Good for you and Breastfeeding for that long! WOW!! That is a lot! Pat yourself on the back. Now it is time to give yourself a break. She is a big girl and understands you. You will have a rough few days, but you just have to stop cold turkey. Make the decision and stick to it. Don't let her sway you. I like one others suggestion of a cup of water. We used to give my little one a simple snack too before bed...a small bowl of ceral, fruit and yogurt, etc. Then brush teeth,and do our bedtime routine. You just have to hold your guns, use lots of verbal praise and encourage her. Use the word that your milk is "all gone". She will get it. As for sleep, a few days of of misery, will really end and you will get restful nights, and that will be good for you both. At her age she should be sleeping through the night. Taking her off the breast will help. You can do it.
Good luck.

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W.C.

answers from Williamsport on

Dear R.,

Bravo to you for breastfeeding so long! I'm sure your daughter has reaped many benefits. Actually, you don't need to worry about tooth decay from breastfeeding to sleep. Breast milk actually fights cavities. Think about it ... if breast milk caused tooth decay, how would people in generations past (who breastfeed for years) have managed to keep any baby teeth at all? I remember seeing one chldren's toothpaste that boasted that it had acertain enzyme found in breastmilk that prevented decay.

I know this may seem strange, given that breastmilk is sweet. Don't take my word for it, just google "breast milk and tooth decay" and check it out. (I went to www.breastfeed.com.) So relax, and enjoy.

W.

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S.P.

answers from Scranton on

You should definitely consult a doctor about drying up your milk.
You should not allow a child of that age to breast feed. Give her a bottle of warm water to go to bed with, this will soothe her, and not rot out her teeth.
You can't answer a babies sympathy calls everytime. If you listen carefully, your child has to different kind of cries. One is for pity, and sympathy, the other because it is in distress, either from being ill, needing a diaper changed, or hunger. Learn to tell the difference, for your childs sake and your own. You are spoiling her.

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A.L.

answers from Syracuse on

My mom said that there is something your doctor can give you to dry you up so I would ask and see. I also like the other moms idea about giving her a drink of water. Maybe also give her some cereal and fruit right before bed too since she is used to eating at night and maybe it will help her not be hungry at night. Oatmeal baby cereal is the heaviest and lasts the longest in the belly. :)

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R.Z.

answers from Buffalo on

Hi!

A couple of things...

First off, know that brushing her teeth before bed is a great idea to get your child in the habit of good oral hygiene while she's young so it's ingrained, but it's not a protective effort particularly because all of those teeth are going to fall out at some point or another. So don't worry about that :)

But I can totally relate to the sleep thing - I'm going through much the same thing with my 17 month old. I have two suggestions that other people have told me worked for them...

1) Yes, there are ways to "dry out". I know there is a really good tea made by earth mama angel baby (don't have the website handy) that is supposed to suppress milk production. You can also try wearing super-tight bras and keeping cabbage leafs over your breasts (I know, weird but time-tested!).

2) I don't know if the baby's father is with you or if you have a partner, and even if not, maybe you can have a *super close* friend or relative whom your baby is comfortable help you with this one... but for a few nights until she gets used to it, have someone else who your baby is close with take her to bed and tend to her at night. She won't like it, and will cry, but if she is with someone who loves her and will help her feel secure, and she will sooner or later give up, knowing that "mom's all-night cafe" is closed.

I hope that's helpful :)

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J.B.

answers from Scranton on

Look for the book "How Weaning Happens."

PLEASE be careful with binding, you could end up with a nasty case of mastitis!

Btw, there's nothing "wrong" with continuing to breastfeed to 2 years or even beyond. You're certainly NOT spoiling her; it is normal and natural for children to nurse into toddlerhood. It's only modern American society that sees it as weird. ;) But it also has to be a mutual thing, so if it's not working for you anymore than it's best to end it the gentle way. I do not recommend crying it out as that will only add to the trauma.

You will need to replace each nursing session with some other comforting thing, so you may find that you lose more sleep and have less time to yourself this way.

Not all kids will stop nursing if there's no milk. I know quite a few folks whose toddlers nursed through pregnancy even after the milk dried up. It's about the connection and closeness with mama.

Have you thought about setting some limits instead of weaning altogether? You could have a nursing session while putting her to bed but then tell her the nursies will be asleep until the sun comes back up.

Do you have any contact with La Leche League in your area? They would be the best folks to help you with this.

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L.G.

answers from Utica on

I' afraid you just need to tell her no, and that she's a big kid now. Try a cup with water, then there's no worry about cavities. I know it stinks "fighting" with them, and you will both be tired for a while. But it's one of the parts of being a Mom that just plain sucks let's face it,lol.

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