A distant family member asked me to ask my husband to write doctor's excuse note for her son to be able to get out of taking his finals. The kid wasn't sick, but missed a lot of school for reasons under his own control. The short answer is "no, he wont write a note for you," but how should I word it. I am kinda shocked that she even asked me to ask him about it.
Because we have always been on good terms and I do value her friendship, I don't want to be rude in my reply, but also want to make it clear that it is not an okay request. How can I word my reply to her, after I say, "No, he can't do that." It is not in my nature to just be blunt.
Thanks for any suggestions you can give me!
Thanks ladies, you helped me find the right words to be firm, clear & respectful. Reply has been sent, and hopefully it will be the last request he gets for a long time!
Tell the family member that you would like to help, but doing something like that could put a doctor's practice and reputation in jeopardy. That's the truth.
ooh wow!! talk about bold and brazen!!!
NO FREAKING WAY!!! Since you don't like to be blunt, word it this way:
I'm sorry - if he did that - he could jeopardize his license and practice.
Simple as that. If she doesn't understand that - then she is a dense.
" I am sorry, but rules have changed today in medicine. My husband just can't write a note for someone who isn't his patient. Prescriptions get tracked by the state, and it is it discovered that he wrote a note like this for your son, it counts as fraud and my husband can lose his license to practice."
Or, simply,
"I'm sorry, but I do not feel comfortable doing that. How about asking your son's doctor?"
I'm sorry. My hubby said your son has to be an established patient before he can supply any letters. If it was found out he did this he could lose his license.
Perhaps give her another solution. Ask if he can ask the teacher for an "incomplete". Say that your dh can't write a note for someone who is not his patient. Say that it's not that you don't want to help her out, you just can't jeopardize your husband's practice.
I'm assuming your husband is not this kid's regular physician.
What about something like:
"Mary, John really can't write an excuse like that because Ben is not his patient. I'm sorry, it just wouldn't be ethical." ?
If your husband is a doctor and that's why they are asking, it's easy. It is an ethical violation for him to write the note. It may seem like a "little" request, but it's big trouble. I would tell her that, and wish her child luck in his finals.
Sadly, the child will have to take his finals and accept the grade he gets. She's doing him no favors by doing this.
Have your husband answer her since it's his services she is requesting. I don't have a problem with being blunt, so I can't help you with delicate wording, but remember that "no, he can't do that" isn't mean in any way. :) It's just the truth, and if she keeps your personality and character in mind as she is reading it, then she shouldn't have a problem with it.
I don't think it would be rude to say my husband is held to ethical standards, he is not willing to risk his reputation to bail your son out.
Sure to someone rude enough to as a doctor to risk their reputation that may come off rude but any rational and caring human being would never ask a doctor to do such a think.
Has your family member considered that their seeking the easy way out is part of the reason why their son failed to try at school. I mean why do boring school work when mom and dad will bail you out, ya know?
Tough love, my dear!
Is your husband a doctor? I'm just confused why they would ask your husband...?
You could say, "I'm sorry, but we are uncomfortable with this request." If your husband is a doctor, you could also add that as a doctor...it is unethical for him to write a false doctor's note. Really, I think a blunt "No" fits the bill fine.
I would just say " You know what, back in the day this wouldn't have been a problem. But in today's world there is just too much liability for doctor's and DH just can't do this kind of thing"
I would just laughingly say, "No -he can't do that! He could lose his license!" What nerve! I would re-examine how much I valued this person's friendship if she's willing to ask your husband to lie for her son in a professional capacity when her son needs to face his own consequences.
i have a good friend whos husband is a dr. and i would never ask for that from him. time to time i have asked him about a few things i have been dealing with but thats it. i would never ask him for a drs excuse for me my child or my husband.
i would tell that lady a big hell no!
"I'm sorry, but I am uncorfortable to write a note for your son, because it's out of my character."
Hi Queen, I'm an insurance agent and have on occasion been asked to do well, basically, insurance fraud. I have straight out said, "I'm sorry, I just can't risk loosing my license or my agency to do something like that". And there really isn't anything they can say back to that. Keep it simple and state the facts. And just my opinion, she isn't a good friend or family member if she is asking you to do that and putting you in that position. Good luck!
"I'm sorry, Liz, but James doesn't feel comfortable writing such a doctor's note knowing that it's not the truth. Thank you so much for understanding."
