How to Reassure 3-Year Old -- New Baby on the Way

maybe, get her some books on being a big sister, also some coloring books, things to keep her busy while you are gone, also call her just as soon as you can afterwards, good luck, J.

I dont know if your hospital would let you do this, but maybe you could bring your daughter there and show her the nursury where her new brother or sister will be and show her a room, etc. That way maybe she will feel more comfortable if she knows where you will be, and that daddy will bring her there as soon as the new baby is born. She can spend time at the hospital and if all goes well you will be home in less than 48 hours. Good luck, and congratulations!!! It will all be ok.

It doesn't work for everyone, but sometimes I've found it's easiest to turn the situation around. Instead of worrying over an issue, make it a celebration that one can glean something good out of. Perhaps you can start telling your daughter how excited you are that she will soon be a big sister. The days are counting down until everyone can celebrate this wonderful occasion. Get her to focus on what she can do to be a good big sister and how wonderful it's going to be. This may help to take the focus off of you being away while giving her some pride in the fact that you are away and her life will change in a wonderful way. Don't forget to get her a big sister gift. It could be as simple as a frame to put the first picture of her and her new sibling in and celebrate the wonderful new changes in your life. While you're gone, she can start thinking about how to be a good big sister and library books read about these things can help during that time. It could potentially change the situation to one of stress to one of celebration. No matter what, you know your child best and it sounds like you're doing a great job letting her know you love her. Life will soon be even more joyful with another little one. Best of luck.

Hi Mommy-
Have you asked her why she is so worried? Maybe she is afraid something will happen to you.
As far as reassurance, maybe it would be best to tell her what exactly is happening and why you are going to the hospital. Tell her that that is where the doctor is who is going to help the baby in your tummy come out of your tummy. It's perfectly normal and nothing bad will happen to mommy. In fact, tell her that when she was born, you did this very same thing with her. She was the first and now there will be another. Hopefully that will put her at ease. If it still bothers her, try to teach her about prayer. Have her find comfort in the fact that something greater is taking care of her mommy and daddy. What i would do is everything you have already done. Just keep telling her how much you love her and how excited you are to have the doctor help you deliver the new baby to you, daddy, and her. She is going to be an amazing big sister!!!
Good luck Mama- and congrats!
-E. M

I think you have prepared her well. Of course she's worried. Things are going to change and she's worried about it. Change and the emotions that go with it are part of life. This is the first time she's had to deal with a major change. No wonder she is nervous. I have four kids. I worried about each addition. They did fine. A suggestion that was made to me, that I followed was to have the new baby in the crib when the other kids first come to visit. Your daughter will either come to you first for hugs or go straight to the new baby. If you are holding the baby, it looks like a closed picture and no room for your daughter (so goes the theory, it made sense to me). These days with cell phones your husband can call when he parks and you can have the baby in the crib. Best of luck to your family!

Congratulations on your new baby! How about if you leave a special note for her that the babysitter can read (and you can save in her scrap book for the occasion) about how much you love her and will miss her while you are gone and can hardly wait to introduce the baby to her. Also, maybe leave as a surprise a new stuffy of a favorite kind of animal for her to have when the babysitter reads her the note (I am imagining this at bedtime the night you are gone). Hope this helps.
Sincerely,
N.

She will be ok and so will you when my second was born my husband came home to eldest after the new baby was born and I was ok. Then in the morning they came to visit and went to lunch and came back. Our daughter was with her aunties who took shopping for the new baby and a little present for her too while I was in labor. It will work out. Make sure the baby has a small gift for the big sister too. This has helped all my kids with the transition to the big brother or sister role. I am expecting number six in 10 weeks my current youngest is about 3 and 1/2 . Good Luck and congrats on number 2!
J.

Congratulations on the upcoming arrival! I haven't read all the answers but I'll give you my personal experience with this when my 2nd son was born. We had family stay at the house with him (he was 2 yrs, 9 mths old) & the day after the baby was born, my mom & husband brought him to the hospital to visit with me. Honestly, he could have cared less about seeing me or the baby - which was really tough to handle for me!! I made sure to be dressed in a normal shirt, not my hospital gown, but I was holding the baby when I saw him. I think he was a little wierded out by the whole hospital environment, but when I gave him a present "from the new baby", he solely focused on that. The whole visit was less than 15 minutes & he never approached me, or smiled or anything. I had a c-section so I was in the hospital for 3 days. But 1st son was "distracted" by things like McD's playland visits, trips to the pet store, etc. Daddy would come home for dinner with him & to take a walk with him or something, but most of the time he was away from both of us.

The other thing I would caution you on is to NOT "expect" jealousy issues. Sometimes it really isn't that bad - I was pleasantly surprised at how well 1st son took to the new baby. Try to just let the experience be what it is. My 1st son smiled more, laughed more & became much more engaging AFTER we brought the new baby home. It was a very cool transformation to watch. I'm around a LOT of mom's & 95% of the experience with 2nd kids is a positive one - even if there is jealousy behavior, it is VERY short-lived.

Good luck & just keep communicating your love & attention to your daughter - especially after the baby's birth. Tend to her needs, spend ALONE time with her (even just 10 or 15 minutes a day) & you'll be surprised at who she becomes in the next year. :)

H., I am so happy for your new baby. I am the mother of 5, and the grandparent of several. We have just had this experiance of a 3yo recieving a new baby brother. I am so sad that you are not having family come in to help. We were military for most of our children and only has family help with the last one. Our new baby is 6 weeks old and so far there is no issues becasue the parents have made it special for the big sister and have things she can do like share her Veggie Tales time or they have baby on the floor/swing while she teaches him about her puzzels. She was given a doll that has its own diapers and can be nursed which even my boys did at that age with anew baby. So as far as that part I hope you will have the patience to not have problems. As for the time with the sitter. That gets touchy. What we did was have the person stay at our home if possible and come to the hospital as soon as possible, when that was not possible we made days that the children were with that person in advance to get used to the idea.. We set it up for them to go do something special that they could tak about. For you it could be the SF Zoo, or a cable car ride. Try getting her a baby doll that will be her new baby to care for or see if you can get matching night gowns/sleepers for them. I made ours but I bet Babies R us has something. At 3 they are so smart so will know that you are going to pull the wool over her eyes. See if the hospital has a tour for the family and take her on it so she sees just where you are and what you are doing. Have a BIG SISTER T Shirt ready for her to wear that first night. I hope you gets lots of friends to come and give her attention as well as admire the new angel your getting. The biggest trouble we seem to be having is she didn't want to be withot daddy and she doesn't like shareing me or her uncles that dote on her so we are all making sure she gets her love and fair share of attention then comes the babies.Good Luck and Enjoy the adventure of parenthood.

Buy your 3 year old a present to bring to her the day the baby is born.
"A just for you" gift.
Maybe even get a second one to give her the DAY you come WITH the baby.
We did that and it seemed to help.
Is your 3 yrd old staying at YOUR house w/the babysitter? If not, I recommend that option instead of her sleeping at the babysitter's house.
Have your husband spend some time w/her while you're in the hospital recovering to "check in on her".
Try to go home from the hosptial as soon as YOU can so you can all be together in the same house w/the baby.
Have your husband get you everything you need (bobbpy, a drink etc, bring the baby to you etc) in the first few days when you're home if you're having a C-section.
Tell he now that once you're healed, she will have a "special" day just for you and her. It doesn't have to be ALL day but a few hours focused on just her w/o the baby. Good luck and congrats. :)
Oh AND have an "I'm a Big Sister" shirt made for her.

Have you discussed your daughter's fears with the sitter? I do think it's important that the person caring for her is informed so she will be able to cope better with whatever issues come up during that time. You can't predict how your daughter is going to act while with the sitter, but if the sitter is well prepared she should be able to help her cope with her feelings.
It sounds like you've done what you can to prepare your daughter, and now you just need to try to relax and let her deal with her own emotions about this. We so much want to make things perfect for our children that sometimes we forget that they learn so much that's important to their later lives through dealing with their own stressful situations at this stage of life.

I'm laughing a little because I feel like I spend my whole second labor talking about my daughter to the nurse. It was just such a different experience than my first go 'round (obviously). It was so clear from the very beginning why #2 is different from #1. I think part of the thing that you can do is just accept the fact that you probably will be worried about your daughter while you're busy birthing your second, but that's okay.

The other thing is that there just might not be anything that you can do except hope for the best. If she knows the babysitter and is comfortable there, she's probably a little scared about you going away, but a lot scared about the new changes but just doesn't have the maturity to talk about that yet. It's okay. I promise this will not be a traumatic experience for her, even if she does worry about you. Sprinkle her time away with lots of extra treats and ultimately that's what she'll remember. I swear the only things my daughter remembers about my son being born is a) riding in a big elevator up to see me in the hospital and b) having birthday cake for her new little brother while she was there.

Good luck!

I just wanted to say we are in the same situation. We will soon have another and our 3 year old will have to stay with relatives for 3 days while I am in the hospital. Husband really wants to stay with me as I'll have a C-section. She has asked me if I have to die (EEKKKK!) for the baby to come out and seems concerned about the whole process, going so far as to act out her stuffed animals having babies and then she says they die. We aren't sure where she got this fear but it's real. So, here's what we planned...she will continue preschool while I am in the hospital. Then my parents will be taking her on special outings that she is very excited about. So we have tried to take the focus off us being gone and more to the fun things she gets to do with her grandparents. She seems excited to do those so we are hoping during that time she will focus on those activities and not mommy and daddy being gone. By the way, congrats!

I don't know if you have time to get it, but there is this great little book called The Kissing Hand. If you don't have time to get it, I can just tell you the story and you can tell it to your daughter. Essentially, it is a baby racoon who is afraid to leave his mommy to go to school. So mommy tells him the secret of the kissing hand. Each day mommy will kiss the palm of your hand. That is a magic kiss and if you are ever feeling scared or lonely, you gently rub your kissed hand on your cheek and you feel mommy's love and warmth and know that mommy is with you. But the little racoon is afraid that the kiss will wash off when he washes his paw. But no, mommy says, that's the magic of the kiss. No matter how many times you wash your hand, the kiss will always be there and will always comfort you just like mommy.

My granddaughter had to spend 10 days in a behavior health hospital and was very scared. I told her the story and the staff said that they saw her several times rubbing her cheek with her kissed hand and that it did seem to help calm her. It really works!

If you are worried because she has never spent the night away from BOTH of you, why not do a dry run? Plan a night where she spends it with the baby sitter, or the parents of a friend from pre-school. Plan EVERYTHING so that she knows when you are taking her/dropping her off, and when you will pick her up the next day (or the other mom will bring her home). There is no amount of talking and explaining that will be equivalent. When it happens with the sitter during your labor/delivery, half of the issue is that you don't know exactly when it is going to happen. That is creating stress and anxiety, for both of you. So separate the issues and resolve the one (sleeping away). Then you only have to have anxiety about the "when" part. :)

We were in the same boat with our 2nd baby.... no family lives near us. BUT, the difference was that our son had slept overnight several times away from us. Always with family (either my mother, hubby's parents, or his aunt) and all of them went great! He loved it. So when it came time for labor /delivery, we had things arranged for him to stay with some close friends of ours who lived fairly close by (30 minutes). The wife had "babysat" him for us a couple of times for us to go to concerts or whatever, but never spent the night over at their house.

They came to the hospital at 8 pm and picked up our son (carseat, overnight bag, and all), then brought him up to the hospital the next morning (after a great morning and breakfast, etc) to meet his new little sister. It was amazing!

Oh,... just re-read your post and see that you only have 3 days. Well, you could still do it if you do it quickly. You might go late and actually have 10 days instead of 3, lol.

Whatever you do, just remember that any anxiety YOU are feeling will be magnified and your daughter will pick up on. So stay upbeat and positive!
You guys can do this!