How to Prepare My 4 Yr Old to Be a Big Sister?

I would not mention the baby when you go through the toys. Maybe it can be more of a "let's pick out the toys you don't use anymore and donate them" thing. Maybe you can find another spot in the house she can use for playing? After the toy issue is addressed, then I would start planting the idea that the other room is going to be for the baby. If you can, let her pick out a few things to decorate the baby's room or at least help you set it up as much as she is able. I think the more you can involve her in preparing for the baby, the more comfortable she will get with the whole idea.

First, you don't get rid of toys in front of her, EVER, or even reference the idea of giving up ANYTHING for the new baby. Wait until she is out of the house or asleep, and go through the toys. Discard the stuff you know she doesn't play with, and don't mention it...99% of the items she will never notice or remember. Don't ever make any of the things she is giving up about "giving it up for the baby."
Next, Have her decide which room she thinks we be the best room for her and all of her stuff. Let her pick out the room and maybe spend some time decorating it with her and making the new "one" room extra special. A can of paint and a new bedspread in her favorite theme won't cost much, but may make the idea of losing one of "her" rooms more palatable.
Next, don't make a huge deal out of the new baby...make a HUGE DEAL out of her being a big sister. Make sure she knows how important she is in the decisions about the new addition...even if it is just picking out diapers you can reinforce the fact that since she is the big sister, you want to know what type she thinks the baby would like, and how the new baby's room should look since she's the "expert."
Also, when you have showers and parties regarding the baby...make sure to have some little wrapped inexpensive toys and stuff for her as the big sister - not related to the baby, just stuff she likes. I had a whole tote of random wrapped stuff to give my son before his brother came along...in fact I even had "Big Brother" gifts to take to the hospital for him to open...while I also let him open all the baby stuff and organize it when people brought things. The gifts we gave my son were goofy little things like Silly Putty and coloring books...but as long as he got more items (and most kids will tally it up), and we reiterated that he got cool toys for being the big brother while all the baby received were clothes and blankets and "boring stuff," he was excited.
Just allowing siblings to feel like they gain something instead of losing everything to the new baby helps. You have to show her the advantages of being a big sister..she will come around.

Little girls usually adapt pretty easily to being a big sister when the time arrives. Just make it a point to include her as the big helper. Be sure to acknowledge the fact that the new baby will appreciate the fact that she is letting baby sister/brother borrow the room for a while. You could also include her when it comes to decorating the new room. She could help pick the color, bed, curtains, etc.......

Hi, I have to children. They are 4 years and 5 months apart. We too had one of our bedrooms as her play room....then when it came close to having our son we had to pack up the toys out of that room and bring then into our family room. That she wasn't a problem and if there where some toys she didn't play with we did get rid of them when she didn't notice. We actually switched her into the bigger room (that used to have toys in) and at that time we where ready to take her out to pick out "big" girl furniture for her new room and my mom made her a beautiful tinker bell bedset and we had her pick out paint for the walls.... so that being said she was excited to see us getting ready for the baby as we did some little finishing touches in the baby room as we got her settled in her new room. I would have your daughter be part of getting things ready for when the baby comes and I think she'll come around to being excited and not be focosed on giving up her room. Everything always has a way of falling in place. Good luck!

I don't know what to tell you about her room. I will tell you what I did regarding my stomach and delivery.

Once I got too big to pick up my oldest, I never said I couldn't pick him up b/c of the baby - I always said it hurt my stomach. He was 3 - he didn't connect the dots :)

After delivery, I only allowed my husband and my first son to be in the room for the first hour - NO ONE ELSE! That allowed my son to see the baby, touch him and 'play' w/ him before all of the adults came and paid all of their attention to the baby. He even asked if the baby could get on the floor and play. My mom went out of her way to pay more attention to my oldest son - to make him feel special while everything and everyone else centered around the baby.

My aunt, on the other hand, totally went overboard with her 2nd pregnancy by making everything about the baby. After the delivery, her oldest son sat in a corner while everyone cooed over the baby. He had major anger issues towards his mom for years!

Good luck and congratulations!

What about keeping the playroom for both kids and having the kids share the bedroom?

You could offer her the choice -- if she would rather share her bedroom and still have a playroom, or give up the playroom so she and her younger brother/sister will have a fun place for toys. My son is 6 and I've found he really likes to have choices and some control over his life.

Will the baby be sleeping in it's crib right away? I only ask because my babies always stayed in my room in a bassinet the first few months. If you plan on doing something similar you could let it rest for now. I know you're nesting and wanting to set everything up -- but she doesn't have to give it up NOW. It might be easier for her when the baby is actually hear and she's adjusted to another family member being here.

Good luck, whatever you decide.

Well, I have a 4.5 yo daughter and an 8 week old. No major adjustment or jealousy issues. Actually, I am so impressed by how well she has adjusted thus far. This is what I did to prepare her:

1. Dont let the baby equate to a "loss" or that it is taking something away from her. From the very beginning of my pregnancy, I made a point to never blame the pregnancy or the baby for any negative response or consequence. If she wanted to do something and I was feeling sick, tired, unable to sit on the floor, etc.,--I never told her I couldn't do it because of the baby.

When her sister was born, again, never told her she can't do something or have something because of the baby. If she was invited to a birthday party 2 weeks after delivery, she was there. School parties and dance recitals, I was there... Granted I had the baby in a stroller (no touching rule) and I took my nursing pillow (I have 2, one stays in the car) and was ready to nurse if necessary... But whatever the level of effort I made pre-baby should be the same effort and routine post-baby.

2. Celebrate her being a big sister. Let her pick out things for the new baby. I told her that part of being a bug sister was to help buy the car seat--we bought the one she liked. When buying a stroller, the model came in 3 color choices--she choose the color. She choose the 'going home from the hospital' clothes, etc.

3. Any stuffed animal that was given to the baby (from a shower) was hers. It's not worth fighting over (we only got a few anyway). The baby is too young to care.

4. She moved from her room to a new room. Her old room was refered to as the 'baby room'; her new room was called a 'big sister room'... And yes, we redecorated her new room.

You mentioned that your daughter was going to lose her playroom. Instead of turning the playroom into the baby's room, why not move her into it and give her a brand new 'big sister' room. Then use her old room for the baby room? That way, she gets promoted to a new room, new decorations/bedding, etc. (Of course, let her decide if she wants a new room)

5. She claimed all the stuffed animals and toys that were in her old room... All of them, even the ones thatwere sitting way up on top of a bookcase as decoration. Fine, it all got moved into her room because again, it's all about giving her a good, positive first impression of the baby. She needs to feel she's not losing anything. Now, granted she has so many stuffed animals in here that they overflow out of her toy box; toy kitchen and doll furniture is in her room too. It is crazy crowded. But tell yourself, it's all temporary; it's only for a few months and then Christmas/birthdays come... I told her, "if you want new toys for Christmas (or her birthday), you need to give some up, because you don't have room for any new ones." Hence, her impression is that the need to give up toys is because new ones are coming, not because the baby is taking them from her.

6. Lastly, I'm throwing my daughter a big sister party to celebrate her becoming a big sister. (Actually, it's tomorrow!) Yes, it feels like a birthday party (invitations said present were not expected) but it takes the focus off the baby and puts it back on her. I'm planning on toasting her, recognize how helpful and selfless she has been, recognize that she's been such a good big sister to share toys, blankets and mommy.

Good luck with everything!

Hi A.,
We were in the same boat. We now have a 2 week old and a 5 year old, who has adjusted wonderfully.

We also had a playroom and a bedroom. We conquered this issue by letting our son pick out a new room theme and then we went nuts on the pirate theme. Pottery barn kids has a ton of room ideas if your daughter would in interested in looking at the site. We were so excited about his new room that he was too. He even started moving his toys out of the playroom himself. It was not until much later that we decorated the baby's room. We left it filled with some stray toys while my son got used to playing in other areas. We kept telling him how cool it would be to have a special play corner in his room. You can also try a tent in the bedroom and start felling it with toys from the playroom. Our son takes cues from us so if it was ok with us it seemed to be ok with him. He was also excited to help. We also used the basement for toys and set up an area for him to play.

Do you have baby books yet to read to your daughter? I was SOOO nervous about how my son would take the to the baby and more the idea. He loves his role though. Also, I think we give him too much say in what we do. He is five but for some reason we let him rule. One of the best things I have read is to never say something like..."are you ready to get dressed now?"....they think they have a choice then. I try to say...we are getting dressed now. No choice in the matter.
Good luck!

Is there any space anywhere else in the house when you could make a play area? We have a small room between our living room and our front room and we made this area a toy room. All of the toys kept coming downstairs and we got tired of carrying them back up to the bedrooms. It has worked really well.

My daughter is now 7 and she has two little brothers!! something that worked really well for us is having a very special gift to give to her at the hospital that was from her "new little brother" This made her very happy both times - kind of like a peace offering from the very beginning.

Good luck to you - I know that it will turn out great.
S.
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