My husband and I are going to be going to Vegas for our anniversary at the end of August leaving DS for the first time overnight. My in-laws will be taking care of DS. Currently we are trying to sell our townhouse so we are living with my in-laws and I'm assuming that we will still be there in month so DS is very used to my in-laws and will not have to be moved somewhere while we are gone. He has never be away from me overnight and needless to say is a VERY big momma's boy and very attached to me. I work full time and he is used to me being gone during the day just not at night. Any suggestions on how I can prepare him for us leaving to soften the blow? I know he is going to get upset but I also know that he will have lots of fun with his grandparents who he loves very much and is very comfortable with. Like I said I just wanted to see if anyone had any suggestions to make things go as smoothly as possible. Thanks for any tips you can give me.
Go to the library, and find so books about you going on vacation, or him staying with Grandparents. He will probably be so fine and you will worry more than you will.
Make it an adventure! Kids look to us for their appropriate reactions, and if we're happy and excited (for us AND for them), instead of nervous/anxious/concerned/teary then their foundation reaction is that this is going to be fun...and any anxieties that they have are then easily dealt with by the person YOU obviously trust. It sets up a trust foundation with the child and their temporary caregiver. (Ahem...remember this for first day of preschool/kindergarten, etc. Of COURSE we're nervous wrecks...but if we can fake it...it reeeeeaally helps them pull through). Most children will naturally be anxious...but by our appearing not to be, it gives them our strength to lean back on. "Mummy says and acts like this is okay and is going to be fun. I trust mummy more than anyone in the world. Therefore everything is going to be okay and fun."
That way they have the freedom to have fun and a) not feel like they're betraying us or have to be on their guard for whatever it is that mummy is afraid of, b) know deep down that there's nothing to worry about even if they're sad/scared from time to time, c) allows them to be comforted by the person we have left them with.
Have a great time!!! And when you call, don't be TOO heartbroken if they're too busy doing "x" to talk to mum. Oh....btw...telling them that you'll call (especially if you call from time to time while you're at work) is a Great way to have a little connection while you're gone.
I'd have the grandparents put him to bed a few times so he can get used to the way they do bedtime too so it won't be such a shock. Record a video of you telling him some bedtime stories and let him play that while you are gone. This sounds really dumb, but sleep with one of his sheets against your bare chest (like in your shirt) for a few nights before you leave and then put it onto his bed. When he goes to bed, he will smell you and while he may not be able to make the connection that it smells like mom, his brain will connect the smell with comfort and he will feel soothed. When you call home, try to time your calls to be when he is not tired and if possible, right before he is going to do something fun like playing outside. If you call before bedtime, he'll be tired and will get way more worked up and sad when he is supposed to be going to sleep.
Laminate a picture of your family for him to have as his own, call him every morning when he wakes up, and have a good time. He'll be fine. Some kids are angry at mom and dad when they return, but it doesn't take long for them to readjust.
We left for 8 days last summer and a friend tended our 1yo and 3.5yo. The baby didn't seem bothered at all, and our 3yo just gave us a big hug when we woke her up and said, "I missed you SO much!"
Have fun and don't worry!
I left my daughter for the first time to go to vegas also. With my hubby.
I found the cutest thing on ebay (though you can find them at any craft store, I am sure). THere was a lady that made personalized pillows with your picture on them. We had a picture of mommy and daddy together put on the front with a cute little saying about how much we love her and miss her when we are apart...on the back she put a little heart shaped pocket that we left a little note and a treat in. Everytime we left she got to use the pillow while we are gone and we leave a special little note in it for her...When we are home then it stays tucked away in the closet.
It will be rough no matter what, but there are things you can do to soften the blow. Contact him frequently by phone even if he cries so he knows you are somewhere in touch. It is harder on the parent and easier on the child to allow him to dischard his feelings on the phone to you frequently. If he doesn't cry on the phone to you, he is just holding it in and getting more nervous and worried over time.
How long are you going? Toddlers are able to handle exactly double their years in days of absence for the parent. That means your 2 year old can handle 4 days of absence before he will go into 'toddler depression' which includes sullenness, slower movements, flat expression, etc. Toddler depression does have an effect on their outlook on life and emotional resilience. I realize that this is not the most convenient news for a parent but the reality is, folks, that yes, our longterm absences do affect our very young children.
Finally, make sure you tell your son when you are leaving and when you will come back. Show him the suitcase and assume on some level he understands what you are saying. That way, he has some preparation for your absence, and when you come back he won't assume every time you are leaving for the grocery store that you will be gone for X days -- one less thing for him to worry about in the future.
Acclimating him to your grandparents' house and leaving him with well-loved people he knows is a wonderful thing for you to be doing.
I won't pretend to be perfect. I learned all of this after I left my exactly 2 yr old son for 4 days (by sheer luck the amount of time he was able to tolerate) but I tried to sneak out and not call him much while I was gone because I thought it was better. I really regret that and just want to let other parents know in advance what they are getting into.
Sleep in the same t-shirt until you leave (or sleep cuddling something he likes but doesn't take to bed himself eg his second favorite soft toy or blankie, but it needs to be next to your skin) so that it really smells of you. He can take that to bed with him the night you are gone. I imagine the familiar smell will be very comforting.
And try not to worry! :)
My husband and I went on our first overnight in January when our daughter was 2 1/2. I had never been away from her overnight except one night when I was in the hospital, and even then I was home by breakfast. We don't have family nearby so we arranged for one of her well-loved preschool teachers to come for the evening and next day. We planned a few special craft activities, and told her in advance exactly when we were leaving and when we would be back. She didn't fuss at all, and had such a great time with her teacher that she didn't want her to go home once we got back. She even slept a full 12 hours that night without waking up, which she never did for me! I think lots of happy distraction and a clear expectation of what's going to happen go a long way. Good luck and enjoy!
L.,
Could you tell me what a DS is? I have seen that and don't know?!
thanks!
C.
Talk! Talk about it as much as you can. How he will be safe, still loved by mommy and daddy, that grandma/grandpa will be watching him, to be good. Kids understand a lot at this age as to what is going on. Remind him that it is just for a short while. Let him know how many times he will have to wake up before you get back. He and the in-laws can keep track of this on a calendar.
