How to Overcome the Fear, Worrying, and Anxiety

You said it yourself, you can see him moving on ultrasound but for whatever reason you can not feel him. Maybe he is just in a strange position. For what it is worth my first 2 moved non stop. The doctor told me when I delivered my first it was the longest umbilical cord he ever saw. Like you, my third child scared me every day. I would not feel her moving for periods of time. I tried to just trust that everything was going to be OK. My second child, my son, died when he was 17 days old so believe me when I say I understand your fear. I will say some prayers for you and your baby.

Self Perpetuating Cycle:

Anxiety = Adrenaline = Loss of sensation

It's a natural response to protect us from being crippled by pain. Happens with emotional pain, as well. Which means, even if you could feel him ALL the time, nonstop... you won't when your anxiety level is through the roof. And then you don't feel him, and the anxiety level goes up, so you can't feel him, so anxiety level goes up.

Personally, whenever possible, I live in denial. Right now my 10yo is PROBABLY alive. But I haven't heard from him in 4 days. His dad is an abusive alcoholic. Some weeks, I'm absolutely cripped in fear and panic attacks. Thing is... that doesn't do ANYONE any good. Doesn't help my son, and it doesn't help me. The only way I've been able to figure out how to cope, so far, is denial. Not the world's best method... but it allows me to live my life. To an extent, anyway.

What are you options?

- Early C-section if your doctor is amenable (unlikely, especially since your baby doesn't have a good shot if they delivered him right now)

- Antidepressants/ Antianxiety meds. A few are safe during pregnancy.

- Winston Churchill (When you're going through hell, keep going!)

- ?

Bless your heart. I can only imagine how horribly worried you are. I'm sure they think you are just paranoid, but seeing as how this is your 4th baby I think you know the drill by now. Mom's usually have pretty good instinct. Personally, I'd be going to some other doctors, even if that meant driving a bit to a bigger city with some better doctors. I wouldn't let them blow me off. That's just wrong. Even if it IS you just being paranoid, and they know that all is fine, they should still be more caring. I especially don't like the fact that the nurse was hurting you. I really would encourage you to find a second (or even third) opinion. Don't let them bully you or make you feel bad!

How scarey. I am praying for you and understand it must be horrible after you lost the one baby. I cannot imagine that would ever go away, how painful. Turn it over to God, and let yourself just imagine how wonderful it will be when baby is born.

It's completely natural and understandable that you would be anxious. Anyone would be. But from what I know (and I'm not a doctor) the medical things you're describing don't necessarily sound like red flags. If anything, you might just have a quiet, gentle kid. Really.

With my own son, I was very anxious because I could scarcely feel him kicking at all, right up to the end. He did pass his no-stress tests and everything else, he was just at the low end of the spectrum for fetal activity. Scared the living %&#()@# out of me.

And, he was born completely healthy and has been ever since. And, he's a very quiet, thoughtful, observant little boy. More of a watcher than a doer. He does have low muscle tone, which I now think I sensed when he was in utero, but as far as special needs go, this is a pretty mild one. I wouldn't have him any other way.

I also think, rather than trying to monitor everything, is there anything you can do to just work on relaxation and acceptance? Prayer, meditation, yoga, that kind of thing? If you're like me, no amount of information will ease your mind, but it may be possible to occasionally reach a sort of higher plane where you realize that all you can do is hope for the best, and the rest of up to God or whatever higher power. You know?

I suggest that you ask about a support group for moms with high risk pregnancies. I would also see if I could find a counselor/therapist that would help me learn ways to manage anxiety. You could try meditation and yoga. That works for some. Didn't help me, tho.

What has helped me with anxiety is changing the way I talk to myself. When I was aware I was feeling anxious I would remind myself that I was OK. I would often just feel anxious without knowing what I feared. For example with your situation, I would remind myself that this is a different pregnancy and this baby will be fine. When I couldn't feel the baby move, I'd tell myself he's OK. He's just resting. Instead of thinking about your fears focus on the positive aspects of your relationship with this baby.

I suspect that part of your anxiety is knowing that you are in a high risk pregnancy because of your weight. Join a weight loss group such as Weight Watchers. You can do their plan on line, even. I suggest that making a plan for managing your weight will help you feel less anxious about it. You will e doing something to help yourself and will feel success when you don't gain any more weight. It's possible that you can lose weight.

And an aside. Because of your weight you are going to feel movement less often than someone of average weight.

I had the same trouble with BOTH my daughters. To get them to move, I would put something cold on my belly, and they would move or kick/punch at it. (I too am above what my weight should be) I wish I had better words to ease your fears..

Talk to your baby. Have a detailed conversation with your baby. They are responsive in utero. I talked to my son(even before I knew he was a boy) all the time. My sister called and would have me put the phone near my belly. I played classical music.

I gained an extreme amount of weight when pregnant, and there were days I didn't feel baby movements, then days where baby was a soccer player.

I also did yoga and meditation(for my own stress levels).

Hugs to you Mama!