How to Not Feel Guilty

It's ok. You are not a bad mother... and a happy mom is much more important to the family than a breastfed child.
All three of my children were fed the bottle. I really wanted to breast feed my daughter but she was born with a cleft palate which made it physically impossible for her to suck.
The second pregnancy I had twins... I had contemplated breast feeding but then realized I'd be a food machine and nothing else. I went with the bottle from day one.

All three are now 10, 9 and 9 and healthy, happy and just fine.

L.

Jamie - you have to do what works best for you and your baby...only you know that. I know with my 3rd, my milk supply wasn't as much as it had been with my first two, but I was bound and determined anyways to breastfeed, but was so worried and frustrated and ready to give up. A lactation consultant recommended Domperidone...it's a drug normally used to fight nausea and vomiting, and it's side effect is it increases breastmilk. I was hesitant at first, but had tried everything else to no avail. So I went for it, and it worked like a charm!! I had more milk that my baby could eat, could pump and put it in a bottle for others to feed him and life got so much easier and stress free! Just my two cents!!

Here's a website if you are interested:

http://www.breastfeedingonline.com/domperidonewhere.shtml

Whatever you choose, you will know in your heart what is best for both of you!

Best of luck to you!

Having a happy, more energetic mommy may do your baby more good than breast milk. My daughter had breast milk for only one week before I switched to formula, and she is a brilliant, beautiful, happy, healthy five year old now. Give your baby your time, love and affection. That counts more than anything.
-G.

You should definitely do what you need to do, I would also like to suggest (hope I'm not repeating anyone's advice), but I would like to suggest that you pump your milk before trying the formula, because some babies have problems digesting formula and your baby may not take to it and at least you will still have your breast milk back up for a while, even if its just pumped out and kept frozen/refrigerated.

Also one other possibility is that it isn't that the baby isn't eating enough so much as the baby may be comfort nursing. Its a very relaxing thing for them, and my son used to just wanna sit there and nurse and be close to me, even if he wasn't eating. See if the baby is really trying to chug the milk down or does the baby slow down and just sort of look around and maybe even doze off while staying at your breast. I hate pacifiers, but with my son, I gave him one when he stopped really eating and he would suck on that for a bit and be content.

Hope this helps, anyway you should never ever feel guilty!! You're out here trying to find out info and that shows you care a lot about doing things the best you can.

Hi Jamie - I was pretty much in your situation when my boys turned 5 weeks old. I was trying to breast feed them and pump and it consumed every ounce of my life! After 5 weeks I couldn't do it anymore and I put them both on straight formula and they have been doing great ever since. I could hardly produce any milk and the doctor even gave me some meds to try and boost my milk supply and that did not work. You have to do what you have to do and you getting sleep is more important because you will save some of your sanity. Plus its not good for the baby to be up every hour of every day because hes always hungry. It is more important that you maintain your sanity than for you to breastfeed. You both will be happier for it and just ignore the outside. There will always be criticism for something you are doing or arent doing but just know in your heart you are doing whats best for you and ignore the rest.

I am so glad that you posted this. Please don't feel guilty for making the best choice for yourself and your family. I understand where you're coming from with the guilt. I nursed my first child for 10 months, all of which were a struggle and stressful. When my twins arrived 10 months after I'd stopped nursing my oldest, I gave it my best try. They were a bit premature and were unable to nurse effectively until closer to their due date. I pumped for 9 weeks and was only able to do that because I had lined up lots of helpers for those weeks. I could have worked harder to teach them to take the breast, but around their due date (they were 5 weeks old), I weighed the plusses and minuses and realized that I had enough stress with the 3 kids and would be a better mother by not adding to my stress by nursing. I understand that for others, nursing is not so stressful. For me, production was always difficult and I guess my personality kind of worked against me. My pediatrician was wonderful and told me that she would rate breastmilk as A+ for babies, but would still rate formula as an A. Both "grades" are excellent in her opinion. My twins have thrived as well as my oldest did and all are healthy children. Congratulate yourself on making it 5 weeks. It sounds like you are much happier not nursing, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. You are chosing what works best for you and your family. I sometimes will feel a twinge of guilt, but then I remember how ceasing breastfeeding truly was the right choice for my family and myself and I can honestly say that I have no regrets. Enjoy your family!

Just tell anyone with a negative opinion to stick it where it belongs (laugh)! You're doing what's best for you and your family, and formula was developed for a reason! My sister has been supplementing with formula almost since birth (her baby is 4 months old now) and her baby hardly ever eats directly off of her and both couldn't be happier. She's lucky in the respect that she has a large milk supply and still is able to pump to give her baby breastmilk too. I always had a problem with milk supply and pumping but I managed to deal with it until my son was about 6 months old when I started supplementing with formula more often (if he hadn't been my first and I knew better, I would have supplemented earlier because, like you, it felt like he was almost always at my breast, or crying if he wasn't and he was always really small and skinny until he started drinking whole milk at age 1).

I didn't breast feed for very long either (about 14 weeks). Know that you did your best and gave your baby the first 5 weeks of breast milk! Good for you for giving it your best! I was depressed after I stopped breastfeeding however I kept reminding myself that this was best for us both and that the stress of breast feeding would be gone and would make us much happier of which it did. My son took very well to the bottle and now that he is 13 months I would not change anything that I have done! Know that you are good mom and this will be good for you and and your whole family!! Oh yes, if so for any reason you decide that you want to keep breast feeding miso soup promotes healthy lactation. Worked for me when I was not producing enough.

I agree with most of these women. You did the best thing you could for your baby and now you can start to enjoy her. I breastfed for 5 weeks and weaned for two so I could start work again, but I'm sure I would have stopped at 5 weeks regardless. Like you, I never seemed to have enough milk supply ...but I really never enjoyed the process like some mothers out there. You did your best and you should feel accomplished that you were able to breastfeed as long as you have.

OMG!! I just went through the same thing.. I have a 7 week old and I breastfed for 6 weeks and could not take it anymore-- I was constantly worrying abou the baby getting enough milk and my breasts are 38ddd BEFORE nursing and they are HUGE now. My back hurts, and I was ALWAYS nursing in my bedroom. Not to mention I wasn't losing any weight.. I felt so guilty and selfish, but I talked with her pediatrician and she said that I should stop nursing. She said Mommys happiness and comfort is equally important and that good moms are happy moms. So I took that advice and ran with it. You are not alone-- I felt JUST like you did. WHat is even worse my baby loved nursing and she was having bottle issues--talk about GUILT!! In about a week she is over it and has slep through the night the last 2 nights-- We are all happy and healthy-- (and I lost 5 pounds-- GO FIGURE!!) Don't beat yourself up and go enjoy that baby!! Take care!!
R.

Hey Girl, I have two kids, one 7 yr old and a 14 month old, both went straight to formual because I knew I'd be returning back to work. My 7 yr old has NEVER had an ear ache, he's a very healthy boy with energy you'd never expect. And my baby girl has done just the same. Don't let people, dct's or anybody else make you feel guilty, it's YOUR choice as a mommy. YOur kid is not going to be scared because you took him off the boob. You get to bond with them just as much, I still hold my 14 month old(who is off the bottle and is on sippy's) when she has her milk in the morning and evening. Feel good about your decision, mommy knows best!!
P.S. WHO CARES WHAT STRANGERS THINK.

Breastfeeding is only good if it works for you. Don't listen - I know it is hard, but you have to look out for you and not the nosey strangers and condescending people. If formula weren't good for our babies, it wouldn't be around.

It does make me bitter when I hear of people judging other women in regards to breastfeeding. The MYTH that it is easy and beautiful and that every mom is made for it just an idea that many of us cannot live up to! Breasts are not all created equal and who are we to judge?

Be strong in yourself and if you have already started to feel relief by supplementing with formula, then embrace it. Just remind anyone who comments that it is your body and your family and that you will let them know when you want their opinion.

You are the mom and you are the one who spends time with your kids. Do what you need to enjoy your baby - and ... bottle feeding helps your husband enjoy the baby and bond as well! I had to supplement and my husband could then help in the feedings - he loved it!

Good luck and be strong!

You do what is best for your sanity. You can not be the best mom to your children if you are stressed out all of the time. If that means formula feeding, then do it. Life is precious, you should be enjoying it. Don't feel guilty! If strangers have the audacity to lecture you, tell them something nasty like your nipples are cracked and bleeding and filled with puss and you are no longer able to nurse. How dare anyone question what you are feeding your child! I swear we can't win as moms. We get ridiculed if we nurse in public and we get accused of being bad moms if we use formula. Honestly, the best thing you can do for your children is to love them, which does not require breast milk!

Hi Jamie!!

First of all DON'T FEEL GUILTY!!! I went through the same thing with my daughter. I was basically guilted into nursing when my daughter was born. After 2 weeks of both of us being frustrated all I did was cry. I thought I was letting my daughter down if I gave her formula. Finally I talked to my fiance about it, and he told me that I would be letting her down if I kept her frustrated and hungry all of the time. She took to the bottle wonderfully and started sleeping through the night at 3 weeks. Which meant, I got to get some sleep to and I was less and less stressed.

I'm not saying that the bottle is right for everyone, it was right for my daughter and I. I was not the type of parent who would prop the bottle up in her swing while she ate. I held her at every meal which formed an unbelievable bond between my daughter and I. She will be 4 in November and is very much a Mama's girl. She is smart and active and shows no ill effects from eating formula. I am expecting a new addition in April and plan to go straight to the bottle.

Good luck!!

L.

The only thing I can do to help you not feel guilty is to tell you my story. I was a 100% believer in the natural form of feeding an infant and had a complex with giving a young child man-made milk. Our son never quite took to the breast because he couldn't get enough and certainly not fast enough. We were both frustrated which didn't help the situation. Through my mom's advice I fed him formula and tried to pump and fit in the breast milk when I could but I felt like a horrible mom for doing it. During an early checkup with the pediatrician I expressed my concerns and our pediatrician eased my mind by telling me that all the immunities I could ever have given our son I had already given him in the womb so it didn't matter if he was breast fed or given formula.

Of course my story is a little different than yours but you have no reason to feel guilty. If I were in your shoes having 2 other children already I would do the same thing you are doing. I was completely apposed to feeding my child formula at all but it made no difference in the long run. He is now 4 and completely healthy. In fact he has only been sick 3 times in 4 years and we have had him in a daycare setting since he was 2 1/2. His height and weight is proportionate and he is quite intelligent so no harm was done.

As for people looking at you like you are a bad mom for feeding your baby formula...chances are it's your own beliefs that make you feel that way. We tend to feel that people have the same beliefs we do and while accepting our new way of thinking we think everyone else is judging us but honestly people aren't really thinking about it at all. We are our worst critics and even if someone might be critical...who are they to tell anyone what's right because nobody lives our lives and deals with our struggles and we don't own anyone an explanation in the same way that they don't owe us one.

I hope that helps. Take care and I wish you the best.

Jaime ~ I am so glad you posted this question. With my first I went to a breastfeeding class before he was born and the instructor just kept pushing breast-is-best breast-is-best with no mention of formula at all even in medical situations. Soon after my son was born I developed mastitis and lost all of my milk and I felt like the worst mom in the world because I could breastfeed my child. Because breastfeeding is best was pounded in my head I felt that be giving him formula made me a really bad mom even though I physically couldn't. The guilt lasted about two weeks and I got over it after realizing the benefits to bottle feeding really aren’t that bad. When my daughter was born eight months ago I breastfed with much success and until last week and I decided to wean her because I to felt like all I was doing was sitting on the couch and stressing if she got enough milk (she is on the small side, only 20% on weight). I only went to town to do any shopping and any play date outside the home when I had someone with me to help with my older child so I could nurse in a quite setting. I never ventured out by ourselves. I got sick of the leaky boobs, clogged ducts, and really just not being a good mommy to my other child so I decided to quit. After stopping the guilt lasted only a couple of days and now I feel free to really enjoy my children. As far as what people think you just have to be confident with your decision, which you should be. Once you establish that you aren't going to care what people think. Good Luck and more mommies than you think support your decision.