How to Manage Liquidation of Home?

Hi H. - I'm sorry to hear about your father-in-law's condition. Perhaps start with any of his friends. They may be able to give you input on what was valuable to him and what was not.

Since there are no other family members, then really it is all about sorting, packing and either donating or selling. You will probably want to go through his papers first, then his personal belongings and on down the line. Pick a room and just go through it top to bottom. There are many different estate sale companies that can help you with this for a fee if you dont have time or energy to do it yourself.

Speaking from experience dementia is real bad and it just honestly gets worse. If you have already transitioned him into an assisted living home then I would assume you have already taken the most important things with him. Then I would follow that up by keeping things that your husband knows was special and keep them.
After that just sorting things in an organized manner and having a garage sale. After that the rest could be donated to Good Will or Kidney Foundation or similiar organizations. You have it much easier since there is no one else-believe me. I had a grandfather to pass about 3 years ago and there is 8 grandchildren, my mother, and my uncle so a lot of arguing going on but mainly on my uncle and mother's part. I didn't want or ask for anything because I preferred to have my memories of my grandfather. I don't need anything materialistic to "remember" him. Besides he purchased one of my twins baby cribs-that I have kept and will hang onto. That is all I want or need. Good luck it looks like you guys have some hard work ahead. Oh and as far as the house is concerned I would do what another poster suggested in letting an experienced real estate agent handle everything involved on that end.

H.:

Congratulations on your upcoming new addition!!! I hope it all goes smoothly for you!!!

I take it your husband is active duty military? If so - he might be able to get some family leave to deal with this and get the ball rolling.

I will assume that his home is in San Francisco. When you are visiting him this month - see if there are things that he wants - if there something that was missed in the original move.

Then go through the house. See if there are things that mean anything to you and/or your husband. Make an appointment with some real estate agents to sell the home (unless you think it's a home you want to keep, could possibly retire in, etc.) or rent it out. They should also be able to refer you to agencies that handle estate sales and tell you which ones to NOT use.

I would also hire a landscaping company to come in and care for the lawn so that it doesn't get out of control. If there is a neighbor or friend in the area that you can trust - have them go the house to make it look lived in so you don't have any break in problems. A cleaning service once a month would also help until you either sell the home or rent it out.

The personal belongings are hard - especially if you don't know what is important to him. Demensia is a hard disease. It sucks. During his moments of lucidity ensure he has everything that's important to him. Even though you are in another country - don't make rash decisions. If his home is paid for - ensure it's the right time to sell it - if that's what you choose to do.

I hope and pray that all goes smoothly for you - both in your pregnancy and in your situation with your FIL.

Best regards,

Cheryl

First of all, congratulations on your upcoming addition to the family..what a joy during this difficult time!!
If you are sure that you have the legal right to sell the personal belongings and the home I would simply sort through this things so that you can keep the things that are special to your husband and then set up an estate sale if he has a lot of things, or you could call several antique dealers in the area and tell them that you are interested in selling the household goods as a "whole lot"...in other words, they can't go through and pick and choose what they want, they have to take the entire thing. One thing I will caution you about, by doing it this way you will not receive nearly as much as you may think his items are worth!! My own Mother passed away a few years ago and we were faced with an enormous house full of a lifetime of goods!! WE went the route of calling antique dealers and ended up getting about $2000 for what I am sure was worth MUCH MUCH more than that!! If there isn't really a lot of things in the house after you sort through everything, just simply have a garage sale. In order to sell the house I would just choose a reliable local realtor and let them handle the details.

My husband and I went through the same thing with my FIL a few years ago. We went through all his things and kept only essential things that might be needed i.e. paperwork. We either gave away or threw away all of his other belongings including his car. If you plan to sell his house, make sure you've filed the POA with the county as that's needed for property transactions (at least in Texas, anyway). Good luck as its a lot of work!

I know this is a really difficult time for families. I've been through it.
In my area, there is actually a woman that helps with these things. The family, of course, goes through things and takes papers, photos, antiques to be kept in the family, etc and she advertises an estate sale.
She organizes things room by room, for instance, kitchenware in the kitchen, drapes and linens in a bedroom, garage stuff....
She prices things and usually on the third day, she will let people have things for a discount or dollar a bag on some items. It works out pretty well.
I think she charges a percentage of the money so it's in her best interest to get good prices, but some things, like a drawer full of mis-matched forks she may let go for a lump sum.
She's done it for years and lots of people hire her. You might want to check with Adult Services in your area or even check with the assisted living facility to see if someone in social services knows of someone trustworthy.
It really takes a lot of work off of the family, especially living far away. I am going through the same thing with my aunt in another state.
A really good person will set aside any veteran paperwork or things like that you missed on your go through.
It is strange to go through things while your family member is still alive, but that's why it's important to save "memory" things for them.
When my dad passed away, I couldn't go because I had a broken leg, but my sister went through everything and I have all my dad's report cards from when he was a little boy, his Navy books and photos, his cub scout pins. Those things are certainly treasures.

I wish you the best because I know these things are hard, but I'm hoping you'll find someone to help. If I was closer I would do it or put you in touch with the lady I know. We're pretty far away.

I'll keep you in my thoughts.