How to Make My Kid Accept Negatives "NO"

I find that my 3-year-old does not like to be told NO as well. She will get very upset cross her arms and tell me, "YOU'RE MEAN". I have found that finding "nicer" ways to tell her I do not want her doing something has worked better for her. Example: Before dinner she asks for candy, instead of easily just saying no I kindly let her know that we have to eat healthy food and fill out tummies with a good dinner and we can have a little candy as a special treat after. Or she loves to push her 6 month old brother jumper as if he were at a swing in the park. As much as I panic and want to scream not to do that, I have to remember that every child is different and that does not work for her so AGAIN, I explain, we can not push little brother like that because he may hit his head on the wall and that will make him very sad. I think it's her being informed of the consequences and feelings of others rather than just being told NO that helps her accept what is and what is not allowed. Hope this helps.

Ha!! I don't like negative words either. Who does? That doesn't mean we don't use them. The reason she gets upset is because she understands that she isn't going to get what she wants. Oh well. I have raised lots of little ones and I used "NO" for all of them and at times they still don't care for the word. I have found that if you try to dance around with your negative words it doesn't get any easier. Then they realize that "No" doesn't mean "No" it just means that if I whine around a bit I will get my way. Just tell her "NO" and get it over with.

I have had quite a bit of luck with conveying the same meaning without using the word "no". I've said, "can't right now", "maybe later", "before that can happen, you need to [pick up these toys]", and even "hmmm, I need to ask Dad when he gets home from work."

You daughter has trained you well if you give in with her crying and screaming. It will be just fine to 1) tell her "you are okay" [no need to cry] and 2) ignore the crying and screaming. If you have to put up with the crying and screaming for more than half of a minute, tell her she has to do that in "the other room" (her bedroom, whatever)!

You will have to steel yourself to not give in, but it will be well worth while to put up with the "fits". It shouldn't be too long and you won't have a daughter "not able to accept 'NO' " any more.

One other thing to remember is that at this age trying to explain will just be too much information. Most of the time the child doesn't ask why and, if you have to, simply say that that is "how it works in this house (or family)". It is a matter of respect that she does what you ask (or doesn't do what you have asked her not to do :) )!

You are, very evidently, being a good mom and I encourage you to keep your spirits up!

When I worked in a special ed pre-school, 'no' was a bad word. Instead we said 'not okay', or nothing at all, the philosophy being 'ignore the behavior, not the child'.........I did not use these methods with my own kids, to me NO! means NO! means NO!, there is no easier or clearer way to put it! She will learn more from your tone of voice and your body language than any word, including NO! Good Luck!

My 2 yr old son does the same thing. It's not easy because you want to give in and you hate to see them upset. But I stick to my gun. I will remove him from situation or walk away so I don't feed into the behavior. Even when it happens in public. I'll leave if I have to, but I never give in. Believe it or not everytime he hears no, the fits get smaller and smaller. I'm also getting into the habit (even if he may not fully understand just yet) of telling him why I'm saying no. Good luck. That's the hardest part of being a mother...setting limits, consequences, and feeling guilty when you do. But I teach and have seen a lot of good kids struggle with consequences and limits. nI this busy crazy world we live in it's so easy to take the shortcut. Good luck and I hope it helped to know your not alone.

Sounds pretty normal. They're not called the Terrible Twos for nothing.
However, you could try saying something such as "if you touch that it will hurt very much and I don't want to see you get hurt because I love you." Or "we need to do this other thing right now and at XX time we can do what you want."
Worth a try.

Ditch the word "no" and start saying things like, "you can stand on the floor or step stool but you may not stand on the chair (it's not safe), where would you like to stand?" "Would you like to roll the playdough in a ball or roll it flat? Eating it will hurt your tummy."....for example. Give her two choices so that she feels as if she has a little control. Kids (and adults, for that matter) do not like being "told" what to do. It takes a lot of practice to turn the way we phrase things around for the sake of our kids. I wish this had of come naturally to me before my first was 2. I am just now getting good at it and he's 5. Anyway, don't expect her to just instantly cooperate and choose between your two options. It's not that easy. If she doesn't get off the chair, just continue to repeat her option. Then, remove her from the situation and distract her with another toy. If she still chooses to tantrum, just sit there with her and say something like, "you are really mad because you can't stand in the chair." Acknowledge that she's angry but she'll know it's unacceptable and you mean business. Then wait until it's over with. It's feels ridiculous when your 2 year old is thrashing about on the floor for 10 strait minutes, but that's how 2 year old's work. It will pass, I assure you.

Of course she's going to be upset if you say "no!" And being only 2 she doesn't have a better way of expressing her emotions.

Instead of saying "no," answer with something she can do. If she says "can I have a cookie?" then you can answer with "you can have a carrot." If she is reaching for something she shouldn't (like a glass vase) redirect her to something she can have, like a toy. If she's pulling all her clothes out of her drawer, simply say "we put our clothes IN the drawer" and then demonstrate.

No one likes to hear the word "no," not even adults. I would save that word for dire situations, like she's reaching for a hot pan or about to run into the street.

Good luck!

Aaahhh, 2 year olds and the word "No." This is a time in her life that she is learning that everything is not going to go her way. It is a hard lesson (I still balk at it and I am 36) but one that must be learned. I don't believe in bargaining but redirection is a toddler parent's best friend.

Ha ha ha! Good Luck. No really, I think its just the age. My daughter 19 months old is the same way. She doesn't scream and cry most of the time, but she will deliberately do something after I tell her not to do it. She will even look at me while doing as if to say " You can't tell me what to do." I suggest just having a little patience. They are still young and haven't heard the word "No" their whole lives like us. I mean think about it, even as adults we still do things sometimes that people say no to, Right???? Good Luck and remember that she is just a baby still.

Use short sentences and positive words. My word was "nice". If she started to hit the dog, say, "let's touch nice" and take her hand and touch something nicely and gently. If she starts to run where she's not supposed to say "we walk here" and enforce that. Also, making eye contact with these statements helps.

Also giving a positive alternative helps. For example, if she wants a cookie near dinnertime you can say "help mommy with...... then we'll have dinner. Cookies after dinner." There will be an alternative to nearly anything she wants.

When she does scream either ignore it and walk away or give an immediate penalty (remove her from the situation) so she'll know it's not rewarded. To raise your voice back is a reward.

We'll never live without the independence twos, but we can model good behavior. The twos and threes are tough. Sometimes it feels like they all got a class in how to push Mom's buttons!

Good luck. Being a mom isn't for sissies!

Here are some tips related to "negatives" and go to the link below for more ideas. Also check out "Love & Logic" on the blog roll. Good luck

http://blogs.goddardsystems.com/Cedar-Park-TX/2010/02/22/...

Positive discipline teaches children rules and behaviors in a respectful, loving and considerate way. It requires thought, planning and patience from parents and caretakers, such as:

* “No, don’t run inside!” becomes, “What happened to our walking feet? Where do we use our running feet?” or “We will go outside soon and you can show me how fast you can run.”
* “No, don’t throw the blocks!” becomes, “When did our blocks grow wings?” or “Let’s try building a castle and see what happens!”

No means just that - no. Do not allow the screaming and crying. If she does that, she needs to do it in her room or you can just walk away and ignore it. She's throwing a tantrum to get her way.
If you say No, you'd better mean it and follow through. If you waffle - even once - she's learned that no doesn't really mean no.
YMMV
LBC