How to Lessen Pacifier Dependency

I didn't read all the responses, so I apologize if I duplicate. Both my daughters used pacifier and I didn't want them using one beyond 18 months to 2 yrs, because it really bothered me to see children talking with a pacifier in their mouth...call it a weird per peeve.
Anyway, with both the girls I had friends who had babies around the time I was working on getting rid of the paifier. I told them they were big girls and the new baby needed the pacifier now. We gathered all the pacifiers up and gave them to the new baby together. It worked amazingly well, neither one ever asked for the pacifier again.
At the same time we started a new bedtime tradition of me laying in bed with them for about 15 minutes talking about what she did that day. My oldest is now 9 and because of that tradition we now have great conversations on how to deal with the peer stuff she is starting to encounter. I never realized starting that tradition to help make them feel comfortable going to bed without a pacifier would yield such great communication between my girls and I as they got older!

The best way to break dependency is to not use the things in the first place.Not one of my 4 children had a pacifier for more than 2 months. I would just take it away from her and not let her have it back. After a few days she should not even want it.Does this child still have a bottle? If not, try the same methods of getting her off the pacifier as you did getting her off the bottle.

I also have and almost 18mo.old. The way we keep the pacy only at night is keeping them in the bedroom/in the bed. Maybe in a basket on top of her dresser or in one of the top drawers. We just pop it out when we come in and pick her up in the morning or after a nap. Sometimes she's not happy about giving it up, but we move on to breakfast or snack, and she forgets about it.

I tried the only at night/nap thing with my daughter and found that it seemed to be really confusing to her that she could only have it at certain times... We ended up just pulling it completely, it took about 24 hours and she has never cried for it again... the first night was rough but she slept so much better after that because she wouldn't wake up in the night looking for it.

Hi J.,
My, now 3 yr old, daughter was terribly attached to her nuk. She would whine all day for it and be up several times a night looking for it when it got lost. I got so sick of searching for them, that we just went hard-core and got rid of them. We tried when she was about 18 months to limit to naps/bedtime, but had the same thing happen as you - she got sick, we gave it to her, and right back in the same boat. When she was just over 2, we started talking about giving her nuks to the babies who needed them and when she was ready, we would take them to Target. She could pick out a toy and she would "pay" for the toy with her nuks and the checkout lady would give them to the babies who needed them. 2 days later, she told me she was ready. We rounded up all of the nuks in the house and put them in a plastic baggie, I took her to Target, she picked out a good toy, and we went to the checkout. I quietly (so Jessie couldn't hear) told the checkout lady what we were doing and to throw them away (she smiled at it). Jessie "paid" for her toy and was thrilled. I was anticipating some major stressful days, but was so surprised that other than a couple of episodes, she was just fine and a complete non-issue within 2 days. No nuks in the house, ever. What a relief to not have to find them all day and night and she slept better not looking for them!

So, long story short, it is probably going to be much easier than you think if you can just deal with it for a couple of days. Try doing it on a weekend when you have support at home. I can gaurantee that it will be easier at this age than later, before she starts getting 2 year old attitudes. This trick worked beautifully because she got a reward, she helped other babies, and learned a lesson in finance. That was a year ago and she still occasionally talks about when she gave her nuks to the babies and I commend her on being so giving and caring.

Good luck.
K.

Hi J.! I know many parents become concerned about pacifiers. I would ask why you're so worried about it--why is it so important that your daughter not be dependent on it at this time in her life?

As you probably know, most children go through regressions of some type when a new baby is born. Your daughter will definitely deal w/mixed emotions and perhaps feelings of insecurity b/c the new baby will be getting all of the attention and she will have to share you in ways she hasn't before. She may be coping w/them already, hence the increased need for the pacifier.

A pacifier could be very comforting to her during this time--and it could be a huge help to you if it tones down some of her neediness when the baby arrives. Do you really want to remove a major coping mechanism months before the most significant possible change a toddler can encounter arrives? Is your reason for decreasing pacifier dependence weightier than this need?

Children don't suck pacifiers forever. I personally find it easier to take them away when the children can communicate and reason more maturely. I know speech therapists who've let their children have pacifiers until their kids were 3 or older, and most kids I know who use them talk normally (and if they don't, there's another reason). Some kids just have higher sucking needs.

If you really want her to stop, you could try substituting something else. Perhaps another sucking option, like drinking smoothies through a straw. Perhaps a different kind of stimulation, like a swing, a chewy food, play-doh (for hand squeezing)--something that gives strong sensory input that isn't sucking. I find my daughter most needs her pacifier when she's bored or stressed. Try to find a different solution to these needs--one that she can implement herself. It might take a week of intensive attention on your part, but if you can handle it, it's worth a shot. This DOESN'T mean, however, that she won't revert to the pacifier or another behavior when the baby arrives. (I was potty trained when my brother was born and promptly went back into diapers when he arrived--this kind of thing is very typical.)

If it were me, I'd let her keep the pacifier. If I were in my third trimester or had a new baby, I'd be grateful for anything that made my life easier! But if it really bothers you, you can probably get her to find another coping mechanism--just be creative and know it will take some effort.

Good luck--J.

I was really lucky my son gave up his paci very early on. He's now a thumbsucker (but only when he's tired.)

Anyway... I don't know if I read this or saw it on tv but I remember this REALLY cute story of taking the child to "Build A Bear" and having the child put the paci IN the animal. I thought that was so smart. That way they still HAVE the paci with them but in a different way.

Most parents I've talked to say it's harder on THEM than the child. Often they stress about it for weeks/months and the child thinks nothing of it and life goes on.

We let ours keep their pacifiers until they were 2 - 3 years old. I'm curious why you would want her to give it up so early. It could be very helpful when she has to self comfort because you are busy with the new baby. Just a thought...I would rather my baby was content, even with the "plug" inserted, than fussy and groping for other means to keep herself happy. She will give it up eventually, when she's old enough to realize she's not a baby anymore. Right now, she is the baby, and it won't last long. Enjoy it!

SAHM of seven

Dear J.,
My name is D. and I am the the proud parent of a Beautiful 2 3/4 year old girl. She had went through the same type of issue. She would suck her thumb later on as well. But what we did to stop her from the pacifier was too, it sounds mean but we put a little drop or two of lemon juice on her pacifier before she sucked on it. Oh you want to talk about funny faces and for some reason or the lemon juice she must have just forgot about the pacifier. But she didn't want it Anymore. She then about a month later quit drinking the bottle at about 13 months. She then picked up the thumb sucking. And then she started to rub her ear with the other hand. She is so cute. But she still does it to this day and she is going on three.
Well, hope I gave you something if you did try it would work.Take care and good luck with the pacifier.
PS You might have to find something extra for her to do if she sucks on the pacifier outside of her naps.
Sincerely,
D.

I also had a very NUK dependent 2 year-old who refused to give it up. We had tried everything but to no success. What finally worked for us was cutting off the tips! She came to the conclusion that little squirrels must be chewing on her NUKs...and of course I went with it. "Those darn squirrels really like your NUKs don't they" She loved the idea that a cute little squirrel was enjoying her NUK so much - and that was the end of that!

Both my boys LOVED their pacifiers, especially my oldest. But I made a pact with myself that when they started walking, no more pacifier. I started doing what you're doing, just giving it to them when they slept. That seemed easy enough. But when it came time to take away at sleep time, I just took it away. There really isn't an easy way to do it. You just have to be tough for a few days and they will forget about it. The older they get the harder it will be to take away. So just do it now! They will fuss but if you can get through it for a few days, you're "home free". It's better than struggling with it for years! Good luck and be strong!!!!

J., on both of my sons it took about 2 weeks of very consistent effort but I had them off the pacifier at 12 months. When they woke up, during the day, I put away the pacifiers while they played. For about 3-4 days I gave them back during naps and at night. Then for the next 4 days or so I took them from naps, but let them have them for night. Then for the remainding days, I threw them all away, and no more pacifiers. For my first son, it was very easy. When I didn't give them to him, I would always say, "Say, bye to bye to the binkie." He would wave and say bye, and there was crying, but he would go to sleep. My second son was a bit harder and more stubborn, but the trick that worked for him was making a hole in the pacifiers. It wouldn't create that suction anymore and he would say "yuk" and throw it in the trash. I discovered this when he was younger and one had developed a hole and I had to replace. He would spit it out everytime, and upon inspection I found that it had a thin crack in it. So, during the binkie-breaking period, I just nipped a little hole in the ones that I was breaking him with. After a few days of not getting a good pacifier, he was ready to give them up.
Hope this helps.

My daughter was very dependant on hers, she would not give it up and I would try to hide it or take it away and she would cry and cry. A friend of mine (that she liked very much) was over one day and said hey what do you have this for you dont need it you are a big girl and he took it, and gathered all of the other ones and threw them away right in front of her. She never cried or asked for it again, I think she was ok because nobody made a big deal about it, he just said big girls dont need these and it was overwith!!

We told our daughter about the "binky fairy" and how soon she would be coming to collect her binkys for "new babies". For about a week or two, we talked about new babies who needed them more than she did and did she want to help them? (It helped that we routinely gather up outgrown clothing and older toys for donation that she knows go to "newer babies".)

As she got used to the idea over the course of the week, we picked a day and planned for it. That night, we gathered up all her binkys and put them in a special pouch that we hung on her doorknob (on the hall side of course!). In the morning, the binkys were gone and replaced with a letter thanking her for being such a big girl, so brave without them and helping the new babies. A small book and toys as a gift we left as well. I think I heard "I miss my binky" just twice, and not a single tear. I think the slow build up and getting used to the idea, coupled with the idea of being a big girl really helped the transition.

J.- If you do not want to get rid of it completely put it up when she is up. I got rid of my daughters before my 2nd daughter was born so she woul dnot take the baby's. It worked for me I only caught her with her sisters a couple of times but then she was over it. With hers they were "lost". Another friend wanted to have her daughter stop using it about the same age as yours because it isn't good for the teeth and the the stuffed dog "ate" it. Her daughter didn't play with that animal for a long time but was fine that it was gone. Good luck!

When my son used his, we had a little basket at his height and told him that after nap or in the morining he had to put the pacifier in the basket and would be waiting for him for next time. It worked great for us, yes there were times when he would run in there and grab it and come otu with it in his mouth, but we made him go put it back. Try that, she's old enough to understand that, if you feel like she'll only go back and forth for it, you can put it in a drawer or hide the basket so she can't see it.

You could also tell her that she's only aloud to have it in her room. Thus only for naps or bedtime.

Keeping the paci in the crib/bedroom area is how I started breaking my daughter of the pacifier. When she would run back in to get it, I would put her in bed and tell her she was welcome to have the pacifier in bed and to let me know when she wanted to come out. It didn't take long before she was sick of sitting in her bed and stopped going in to take the pacifier from its basket.

If you are looking only to lessen the use of it - the previous ideas are good ones. However, I do think the sooner you get rid of the pacifier all together - the easier it will be.

Start with just using it at sleep times...then cut it out at naps times...then cut it out completely. If she still resists - since she's getting old enough to be used to it - try this: (I saw this done on a TV show) Get all of the pacifiers together, get some helium balloons, and make a big production out of it saying that other little babies are needing the pacifiers. Let her release the balloons and say goodbye to them. Worked pretty well for the child on TV and his bottles. Just an idea! :)

I was going through the same thing when my daughter was 16 months, and believe me she was literally adddicted to pacifier whenever she was sleepy. we made many efforts to stop her from her habit but we were not successful at the time. But then I read somewhere that you try cutting the pacifier from bottom little by little and keep giving them back whenever they need it.

believe it or not i had her 2 paci in the diaper bag if she threw one by chance. She was frustrated at first for a couple of days andd we had very hard time putting her to sleep. But then after almost a week she saw the paci n tried to put it in her mouth but the very next minute she threw the paci herself in the trash.

I think her frustration of 'cant suck the paci even if she wants' worked for us. and hope the same works for you.

I am going through the exact same thing with my 23 month old. We have our third coming on May 2nd I would love it if he would be done with the binky all together. About a month ago he started getting in his molars and wanted the bink all the time when he usually only wanted it to sleep. The worst part for me is that I can't handle drool and it's everywhere. :) Puke, poop, boogers, I can do it all except drool :) We just tell him that he's a bog boy and he doesn't need his binky, and of course we get fits and tears and all that, and I know how hard that is to deal with sometimes, but out of all the ways I've tried the "tough love" method is the only thing that works. We tell him that he can hae it when he goes down for a nap and we make sure to keep it out of sight from the minute he gets up. My kids dentist said that to stop the habit we needed to let him get down to one binky (throw all the others away when they have worn out) and one night while he is sleeping go into his room and cut the end of it off. When he wakes up we're supposed to tell him that it's broken and have him throw it in the trash and tell him that there are no more. He said that this is the best method that he knows of and usually works with little to no complaint (which I find hard to believe :) ). My husbands aunt did this and she didn't make her son throw it away, but he did walk around with it for about a week in his hand, never putting it back in his mouth. These are the only ways I could imagine working, but if you find a really good solution please pass it along to me! I'm open to anything that will help us lessen the dependency or stop it all together.
p.s. As a side note, I just read in one of my psychology textbooks that if you take away a binky from a child 8-9 months old they don't even notice it's gone. My daughter didn't use one and obviously it's too late for my son, but if the next baby uses one I plan on trying this out. Just a little FYI.

Your incredible daughter will need your patience here ~ you have given her a good friend for almost two years now... convincing her to give it up too early will be a blow to the world you have created for her and that she has come to depend on.

18 months is awfully young to be weaning a child from something that provides her with so much comfort. You need to think of her pacifier as her friend - because that is the way she sees it.

Be prepared: Once the baby is around, she will probably want it more, especially as the baby will have one too and this one will want to know that she too is still your little baby.

I would suggest making only one rule for now: no walking with the pacifier. Let her have it in her mouth if she is sitting or lying down. And KEEP IT FLEXIBLE - she may need to walk around with it one day and not another.

Also, provide a special place where she keeps it "safe" and can find it easily - a place where SHE always puts it and knows where to look for it when SHE needs to take it out. LET GO of the outcome ~ she won't be walking around with a pacifier in her mouth until she is 14, you can bet on that.

Important: Let her take it out of her mouth and put it in herself, but encourage her to follow the rule. Never pull it out of her mouth - it is her pacifier which is a good friend to her. If you pull it out, you will be violating her boundaries and imposing your will on her relationship with this friend.

Hard and fast rules never work for toddlers ~ if they are pushed too far beyond their emotional capacity they will revert to instinct: sobbing, screaming... whatever makes them happy (or sad).

I hope you find this helpful ~ take it from someone who was improperly weaned from thumb-sucking (the original pacifier). I now bite my nails so much that they are useless to me. Don't push too hard too early. Your daughter will be fine whether she decides to give it up now or not.

It's not your choice really - she'll find something else to comfort her that will be even more self-destructive if you don't let her have this time with this important friend.

Yours truly ~ A.

My daughters love(d) there pacifiers too. I let mine have them whenever they wanted, but they had to stay in their bed. I think it gave them choice, but it was still controlled. They knew it was their if they needed (wanted) it, but if they had it they were removed from the family or friends. It worked for us. Just an idea you might want to try!

We just went through this with my 20 month old son. I didn't know what to do so for about a week, right when he got up, I pulled it from him and let him have it for sleep only. Then I finally took it one morning and didn't look back. He did very well and went down for a nap fine. Honestly I'd do cold turkey instead of weening. I thought it was pretty easy! Good luck!

At 2 I told my daughter that they had to stay in her crib. Only for naps and bedtime. It actually helped with getting her to go to bed because she wanted them. When she got up I just said "no pluggie" and she'd grab it out and toss it in the bed.
At 3 we went to Walmart with a baggie full of her pluggies. She got to pick out any Barbie she wanted and she paid for it with her pluggies. On the way home I could see a little tear in her eye in the car and it broke my heart but then I reminded her that she was a big girl and "look at the new Barbie you just got". At bedtime she was a little upset but then I reminded her that SHE used them to buy that cool new Barbie and then she just smiled and went to bed. I didn't hear another thing about them after that. I was amazed because she was really attached to them. She would put one in her mouth and the other she would rub on her nose, lol.
After her we never used one for the other kids, too much work finding them in the dark for a crying baby at night :o)
J.
Mom to 4 and soon one more through another adoption.

Not sure if this will lessen or stop dependency... but my son LOVED his pacifier. As a way to wean him we cut the pacifier vertically (like rabit ears; of coarse if it is old be cautious of breaking apart and choking... but we changed ours regularly). I told my son that it is breaking and asked if he wanted to keep or throw away. He kept it probably for another 6 mo. and would hold in his hand a squeeze it for comfort. He later attached to a smaller squishy ball and stuffed animal. Otherwise... keep working on limiting your use. Sounds like you are doing a great job!

This may sound a bit strange, but since it is timely, I thought I would share. My daughter was just about the same age and we were approaching Easter. I told her that the Easter Bunny would leave her an Easter basket of big girl stuff and that we would leave him a basket of "baby" things, including all her Nuks to give to another new baby. We put the Nuks in the basket, they were gone in the morning, and she never looked back. She said a few times she was happy other babies got her Nuks, but she loved her big girls books and toys...??? Maybe a bit manipulative, but it worked great and with no fuss. Just an idea.

Hi J.-

We too did all of the ideas to get rid of the pacifer. We first lessened it by using a lot of humor. "are you sleeping now?" if our daughter had the paci in her mouth, when she was obviously playing. She seemed to think that was quite funny and would take it out and put it in her basket. We then got it down to nap and bed times and did cut the end of it so that it didn't work anymore, this worked great for our son too! Good luck! One perk to getting rid of the pacifier - NO MORE EARACHES!!
~S.

Hi J.:

My daughter was VERY attached to her paci even at age 2 1/2. The doctor kept after me about taking it away, but I was reluctant to do so because my daughter, adopted as a toddler, had some attachment issues and I didn't want to take away her comfort source. She also could not go to sleep w/o it. My cousin told me about a method she used to slowly get rid of the paci and it worked for us like magic! Here's what you do: the first day you poke a small hole in the paci ( I used a straight pin) which makes paci not as enjoyable because it deflates everytime they suck on it. Wait a few days then enlarge the hole. Keep going, eventually cutting the top off and finally, at the very end you just have the handle left. The child still HAS the paci, it just doesn't work so great anymore. It took about two weeks, but we got our daughter off the paci with NO tears, trauma or anything! We would laugh because she would put the paci in her mouth, try to suck, pull it out and look at it, put it back in...all with this funny look on her face. If she said "paci not working" we would look at it and say "must be broken", as were all the pacis at our house. :) At the end, she carried the handle around with her for a few day and finally just decided it wasn't worth the bother and never picked it up again or asked for it. ONE THING I WOULD WATCH FOR is if your child tries chewing the deflated paci. Ours did not, but just watch for that.

I know it sounds strange, but it might work for you too.

S. W

I watch my friend's daughter during the day, and she always has her pacifier with her. I don't take it away at napstime, since her mom allows it, (it's not my place to be making changes like that) but her mom did say she wouldn't mind if I got her to start dropping the habit a bit. During the day I'll say "Oh Mollie, I can't understand a word you're saying, can you go put that in your bag?". Then she'll trot over, drop it in her diaper bag, and completely forget about it for the rest of the day. If she ever pulls it back out again, I just say the same thing and it's forgotten once again. I just keep it out of her sight and she's fine.

I cut a tiny part of the tip of my son's passifer off. The next time he picked it up and tried to suck on it he said, "Broken Mommy." and he threw it in the trash. He never asked for it again. It sounds too simple but it worked for us :)

Leave the pacifier in the bed when she gets out in the AM or after a nap. If she is taking the paci out of the bed later then find somewhere for the paci to "rest" when she is playing that is out of her reach. She should be able understand simple explainations about why she can't have her paci. I think my daughter was about the same age when I decided to let her have the paci only in bed and it worked out fine. It might take a few days but she'll get it soon enough. She'll figure out that these are the new rules.

Dear J., Both my boys were pacifier babies until about 18 months (I truly believe that sucking is a natural response for a baby and comfort/soothes them). Everyone kept telling us what an ordeal it is going to be when we try to take them away. They were wrong! About a month before the 'big take away', we started talking about how the pacifiers were starting to break and didn't think they would last much longer. We talked about it quite a bit. Then one day, we cut the tips off all the pacifiers and went with it. They tried sucking for awhile and realized quickly they were broke. Seriously, I don't think either boy cried for more than 10 minutes and I think it was because of the prep leading up to it. We kept one pacifier for each child and to this day (they are 4 and 7 now), we will run across it and laugh about it with my sons.

Good luck!!!!