How to Keep My Two-year Old Out of My Bed

Why be embarrassed? She's still a baby and she just wants a snuggle. Do you sleep okay with her in bed with you? If so, is it really a problem? Also, think about it from her perspective... she probably misses you during the day and this is her time to be close to you. It's pretty lonely sleeping by yourself, who (at any age) really wants to do that?
If everyone is sleeping, I really don't think the *where* and *how* are all that important. You get alone time and time with your spouse in the evening while she's in the crib, and she gets her snuggle time in the night. Seems to me everybody wins.

And some day she will not be coming into your bed, and you'll miss it. The days are long but the years are far too short.

I would tackle the fall-asleep issue, and then hopefully the middle of the night stuff will work out on its own (it did for my daughter. Our situation was very similar to yours, only we alternated sleeping on her floor for the remainder of the night, as that was better than having her in the bed). Our daughter was 18 months, and we found the Ferber method worked really well at that age, because they can really understand what you're saying. "I know, I'm sorry, but I can't stay in your room until you fall asleep. You're a big girl, I know you can do this. Sleep well. I love you." You this same thing after 5 minutes of crying, then 10, then 15, etc. Ferber is really big on not picking up, but I think if it helps her calm down to pick her up for a second and then put her back down, that's fine. Of course, that might make her more mad, so be careful. I agree with the previous poster than you might be in for a couple really miserable nights, so do it when your partner can be around to help too. But then hopefully you're back to sleeping. Good luck!

Admittedly, my nearly 3 Y.O son is the product of 2 heavy sleepers, so I was lucky in the respect that from 2.5 months on, he'd fall right asleep when placed in his crib, and stay there for 12 hours. I do remember him going through a period of time though, when he would wake up and cry. For a week or so, I'd go in to make sure he was ok. When I realized that he always was(he was over a year when it happened), I just let him cry it out. He's in a regular bed now, and though he sometimes sneaks in our bed around 6am, when my husband goes to work, and my son has to go pee, I haven't had much trouble with this, other than he likes for us to stay in his room at night until he dozes off. I know that it's hard to refuse our little ones, especially once they start calling for "mommy" specifically. The times it would happen, when he was smaller, I'd wait ten minutes,and then go check him out. If you can wait it out longer and you know she's ok, I say go ahead, or go in and tell her that you love her and it's time for bed, invest in some earplugs if you have to, but do not take her into the room with you. If you start to feel bad about it, try to remind yourself that she'll be better off in the long run, having learned how to self soothe, and go back to bed on her own. Also, be thankful that she's not climbing out on her own, but you should definately nip it in the bud before she learns how to! Best of Luck!

First of all, it's nothing to be embarrassed about. Second of all, take it from a mom of 7 -- even when they've been sleep-trained, they go through stages/growth spurts/illnesses, etc. that throw them off, and often need to be re-trained. I found the book, "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child," by Dr. Marc Weissbluth to be a lifesaver in this regard. However, usually you will have two to three nights of having to bite the bullet and deal with not sleeping before they are completely re-trained. However, those few nights are well worth it when you're all sleeping again. Good luck.

I had the same problem with my 2 year old until recently. She had transitioned to a toddler bed and then a real twin size bed. I finally realized that she didn't feel safe in either one...since she had been used to sleeping in our big bed. She would fall out occasionally...and I think she always slept with one eye open thibking she would fall out. So - I put her on a double mattress on the floor. She sleeps through most nights now... and if she wakes up there is enough room for my husband or I to go lay with her in her own bed. I used to hate sitting next to the crib or her toddler bed at 2 am. Now - I can lay down with her and be comfortable...and she is fine with that and doesn't ask anymore to come into our bed at night. I highly suggest the double bed thing. She loves her big bed.

I don't know why you're embarassed at all to say your daughter sleeps with you.

My son, who is 3, and I have been co-sleeping since birth. It's a wonderful experience for both of us....and we both get a full night of uninterupted sleep.

I know that co-sleeping is not for everyone, and I understand that people have different views on the subject. My point is, don't be embarassed about it at all....children of all ages need their mother. I chose to co-sleep simply because it felt right, and I wanted to be close to my son...the "getting some sleep" factor was nice too. :)

I don't know if you lie down with your daughter for her to go to sleep or you just tuck her in and hope for the best....but if you don't lie with her then that could be something to try. In my case, my son wasn't a fan of falling asleep on his own, so I always put him down with me first, then brought him to the crib for naps.

Or, you could take her in bed with you when she wakes up, let her fall asleep then carry her back to her own bed?

Hope this helps...good luck with everything. :)

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HI,

First off, don't be embarrassed! We've all gone through things - we try something, and if it doesn't work, we need to re-group and re-assess.

You have to decide what your philosophy is. If you want to co-sleep, then co-sleep from start to finish. I didn't do this, so I don't know how you have privacy with your husband or get them out of your bed at 6 or 9 or whenever! If you want her to be in her own bed all night, then she needs to learn to stay there, to self-soothe, etc. You can cry it out or not - just choose a method and stick with it! We did cry it out - I know not everyone loves the idea, but our pediatrician recommended it - it was 4 tough days and then all was peaceful. We went in to soothe him and pat his back, but we absolutely did not pick him up or even change his diaper unless he was soaked. The consistency is more important than the method - the kids get confused if parents try a different tack every 4 days.

The main thing is now, you're not sleeping, and neither is your daughter! So these interrupted nights are hard on everyone. I think the idea of having your husband go in is a good idea - if she only wants Mommy now, have him be the soother and "settler-downer".

My stepdaughter and her husband just went thru this with their 6 year old - he would wake up and come into their bed. He's a restless sleeper, so his mom would get up and go sleep in his bed. My son-in-law said, "Every night I go to bed with a beautiful woman, and wake up with a 6 year old crotch-kicker." So they ended that practice pretty quickly!

By the way, I love your comment of "happily one and done" - I have a single child (and I never say "only" child). There was a post recently by a woman struggling with having one child. I wish I had known your phrase to help console her! It's a great one!
I also love you

I have a 2.25 year old daughter who mostly sleeps well but has been through plenty of not so sleeping well phases. For the last couple of months she really really wants Mommy to stay with her in her room until she falls asleep. If I am home alone I usually try to get out and if she calls me back I go in - I just can't do the cry it out thing. However, I've found that if my husband (or my mother or my sister is visiting), I can send one of them in and they can simply sooth her (tell her it's time to go to sleep, everyone is going to sleep, we'll have a fun day tomorrow etc, Mommy loves you, etc), then she quiets down and falls asleep on her own after they leave. It's only Mommy that elicits the "must stay" response.

So, perhaps you can ask your husband to go in and talk to her and get her to lay back down at 3am rather than bringing her in. We've also been telling her for about a month now (since the time changed) that she has to wait until it's light out or 7o'clock before callinn for Mommy in the morning. Of course she has no idea when it's 7 o"clock but telling her that we sleep when it's dark and don't wake up until it's light seems to register.

Good luck!

ps I see nothing wrong with her in your bed so the only reason you should feel you need to stop that is if you want to.

What if you do what you do to get her to go to sleep. I know you're tired and probably just want what's easiest, but this does not sound easy or like anyone is getting any sleep. So maybe if you just lay her back down say night night and sit there until she falls back to sleep.

My only other suggestion is what we did with my oldest. She's 10 now and was impossible to get to sleep. But she sleeps through the night in her own bed now ;). We made a little bed of her own for her out of blankets in our bedroom. I couldn't have her in our bed anymore. I was pregnant with her sister and was just getting too big and with the pending arrival of her sister I knew we couldn't have 4 in the bed ;). So for a few weeks when she'd get up we'd tell her she could sleep in her little bed on the floor, but there was no room in our bed. Eventually she wasn't too keen about sleeping on the floor and would just stay in her own bed. And she wasn't getting attention from us by us yelling at her for kicking or pulling hair or anything like that.

Good luck. I never really let my 2nd child sleep in bed with us because of what we went through with our oldest, but she never really seemed to need it as much as her sister did. Then we had a 3rd child (he's 2) and he used to sleep in bed with us a lot. I worried so much that we would end up in the same situation as his oldest sister, but we didn't. Once we moved him into his own room it was great. I put him down at night and he falls asleep on his own and then if he wakes up he usually gets himself back to sleep. So my point is every child is completely different. But she won't be in your bed forever. You will figure out the secret to getting her to sleep in her own bed.

M.