How to Help a Long-distance Friend Going Through a Divorce?

Send thinking of you cards or random texts saying you are thinking of her at different times. Sometimes you just need to know that someone cares and that'll help you through a rough time.

I'm going through a divorce right now and for me, by far the most meaningful support has been the random texts or e-mails or FB messages that say "just checking in to see how things are going and wanted to know that you're on my mind." If I'm in the mood to talk or vent or whatever I can respond at length but if not, I can just send a quick note of thanks. We've been separated for 6 months and it's still really helpful to get a surprise "hey, thinking of you and hope things are OK" text from someone out of the blue - you get a lot of offers of support and encouragement when word first gets out but the process is really long (years for some people) so to have friends who continue to show support an concern even after the initial shock has worn off is very helpful.

Another thing would be to send a thoughtful card in the mail. It's simple but something she can put in a place that reminds her of love and support whenever she sees it. You can also send a gift certificate for take out at her favorite local restaurant with a note that says something like "take a night off from cooking and have dinner on me" or the like. Or maybe send her a gift card to a local spa to have a pedicure - a little surprise pampering during a stressful time is always welcome!

My friend just lost her parent. She lives across the country.
I just am there for quick texts and pick me ups (funny things to tell her, ask her how she's doing) but I keep it light.
Some people don't want to talk about their stuff. I'm like that. I like having someone take my mind off things - even hearing about their day is better than dwelling on my stuff.
You could always send her gift card to pizza place near her, or movie tickets for her and kids, or something like that. Even gift card to a spa morning "just because".
Fun stuff. She needs a distraction I'm sure :)

When I was going through my divorce I felt like I had no friends. I mean, my now ex and I had mutual friends and I guess they just felt 'weird'. I guess I did too. I just wish I had someone to vent to over and over and just listen to me. I also ended up short selling my huge 5 bedroom house after the divorce and had NO ONE help me. Even my mom came over for a couple hours and left and said it stressed her out too much. I literally just threw random stuff in boxes. That was 9 years ago and for the last 5 I've been making an effort to get rid of stuff, very focused the last year. I was just in the garage today and there is still stuff in there from when I was married the first time! So if there ever comes a time that she's moving, as awful as moving is for everyone, I would especially try to be there for a few days to help her. She may not have anyone else and it's terrible to go through by yourself. Until then, I would just randomly call and text her to say you are there is she needs to vent...specifically say VENT, because you sort of feel like the other person has heard it and doesn't want to hear it again. So if you give her the ok then maybe that will help her too. You're a good friend! Good luck.

I think there are great comments below about the random texts/emails that don't require a response.

If you would normally do meals but can't because you are too far away, can you find out if there are restaurants that deliver, and maybe send a gift card or certificate every 4 weeks? Don't know what your budget is. She could also pick up takeout at the same place. It would be super sweet if you sent her a card with a few $5 bills for "delivery drive tip money" too.

A pamper-me gift certificate is nice IF you know what her tastes are (for example, I'd give a generic spa/salon gift instead of a pedicure if you don't know if she would like that. I personally don't like pedicures, but a general gc lets me choose). But that presumes that she has child care on the weekends or the kids go to their father's, and that she has time. Otherwise a gc is almost a burden, something else she feels she can't get to.

If she's the type to enjoy this, you could maybe send a "pamper-me" gift basket or box with some lotion, some chocolates, a nail file, etc. plus a little book of inspirational sayings or words of encouragement, or an in-the-car survival kit with nice granola bars and things to pacify the kids when they are getting on her last nerve. Sometimes kids enjoy old fashioned car travel games and so on, since they are different from the electronics they have - those little hand-held Yahtzee games are fun, and so are the little wooden games with golf tees as game markers that we always used in waiting rooms or the carpool line or at a restaurant waiting for the food to come (keeps them from playing with the sugar packets). I put them in a zipper bag but you could do a little plastic storage box from the dollar store that keeps everything together and slides under the seat of the car for storage. But send something small so that she gets the fun of opening it without the burden of a big thank you, and then send another one in a month.

send her a cheerful text or email every day. nothing profound- just to let her know you're thinking of her. remind her to call when she needs to hear a sympathetic voice. send her flowers or candy or a card every now and then.
you can't do much, but what she needs right now is simply to know there's a soft place to land when she needs it. keeping that door open without trying to drag her through it is the best thing you can do.
khairete
S.

Depending on your finances, how about a fun day of gift cards for her and her kids. Do a little research and find a fun, inexpensive restaurant, a movie or mini golf or other fun little attraction and finally a frozen yogurt or other dessert place to top off the day.

Or if she would rather have a night in, how about a gift basket of popcorn and seasonings and movie snacks, a video store or Redbox gift card and jammies or cozy blankets for everyone.

You can send a card or flowers. You could also just text "Thinking of you" every couple of days.