How to Help - Murrieta,CA

I agree with Denise P. My ex is bipolar and absolutely needs to be on his meds. He can not function without them. Before he was actually diagnosed with bipolar, he was diagnosed with chronic depression and once stopped taking his meds. It was awful. He, I sincerely hope, will never do that again.

If he has said things that make you concerned he is considering suicide, then call a suicide prevention hotline in his area for advice.

He must see a doctor and get back on the appropriate meds. But in the end you can't make him do that, and his family can't, because he is an adult and must make his own choices.

It sounds to me like you answered your own question in your third sentence:

"He is manic depressive and was on medicine for awhile but for some reason decided he was not going to take them anymore."

He needs to get back on his meds.
I think the best thing you can do is to encourage him to go back to his doc, a clinic, etc. and get back on his meds.

It's common for people to mistakenly think they "don't need the meds anymore" because they either 1.) feel better (that's FROM the meds) or 2.) Dislike the side effects

Part of the the disease of mental illnesses like manic depression is the cycle of thinking that you can do without your medicine. He needs to get back on his meds. Prayer never fails to telling him to pray or praying with him will work. What kinds of prayers are you praying? Are you praying with Power? Are you praying words from the Bible? It does make a difference. I know my father has manic depression and is on medication and I pray for him often.

You should try to reach out to his family or get him to reach out an get the help he needs. While things in his life aren't what he wants them to be. He does have a job, he has couches he can crash on, he still has his physical health and can get his mental health back if he tries. Nothing about his life is cause to end his life.

I will keep him and you in my prayers.

Robyn, If you are far away and his "many close friends" are near him, why do you suppose he has not called on them?

I would try to support his (from a distance) as best as you can. I would also try to contact his parents/family/friends who are near by in case you feel this person is capable of taking his own life.

If you can not contact anyone near him and you fear for his life, please contact the authorities and give them the address and necessary information.

Blessings...

If you know his name and last name you could do a search for his family. Some places have the names of family members or where they have life.
I don't know why he stop taking his med but I am sure is not a good idea to just stop in cold. Unfortunately is nothing you can do to make him take his med again, besides talking to him and asking him to think in long term goals like get to see his daughter.

Tell him, to please seek a Therapist.
There are those who will help on a sliding scale basis... or if he does not have money. Or community support groups, for Depression etc. Those are other types of help.

No layperson, can be as effective, as a Professional.

Tell him you are his friend, but you want the best for him and to get help.
Just watch out for escalating issues. If he gets suicidal or anything. Call a Hotline etc.

It is a lot... for you or any layperson, to handle this and feel solely responsible.
He reached out to you.
But, again, without professional guidance... there is no succinct way to 100% know, how to help him. Especially if you cannot relate to his problem.

My mother is bipolar. And as has been said, it is in fact part of the illness that they go off of their medication.

If you can imagine feeling completely elated and full of energy and and even super power like, like God. This is mania. Then follow that by deep severe depression. That is the depression side. Hence bi-polar (polar opposites) or manic/depressive.

For some reason when on medication they feel restricted. I mean, no one wants to feel like they have to take medication to be able to survive. But unlike the many other diseases out there where people are so thankful to access to medication (diabetes, cancer, hypertension) the bipolar individual looks at the medication as an evil. Not even bringing up that if you try to convince them that they are ill when they are manic they think YOU are crazy because they feel so damn good!

I am tied to my mother because she is family. As a matter of a fact we in the past year built an inlaw apartment for her to be able to live with us so that I can more closely monitor her. It is so unbelievably taxing to take care of someone (especially when you have no control over what they do) who is mentally ill.

People with this disease frequently end up divorced, homeless and suicidal. You do not have an easy road ahead of you if you are going to commit to trying to help him.

My advice, try to contact his family. Bottom line is he needs to be on medication. Offer to go with him to his doctor, or at least drive him there. Be prepared for him to be upset with you for suggesting it. Do not over extend yourself to help him, and understand that you just may not be able to.....

i just got out of a really rough patch but not that bad. and telling me to pray would just upset me. i gave up on god when this was going on. he needs to find resources to help him. food stamps etc. and i cant help you with the medication issue. i would tell him to be glad he even has a job. i went along time looking for one let alone getting one. i had to move to be able to get one. noone can help him so to speak except him. charities can help till he gets stable but after that he is on his own. our case was just bad things happening one right after another and not necessarily self induced. but you cant change it you just have to adjust. which can seem impossible at some times. the one girl that helped me the most on this site actually told me to pull myself up by my bootstraps and get off my soap box. that is what i needed to hear. when no matter who you turn to not necessarily people such as you but work force and the govt agencies that should help you get daycare and etc fail you it gets extremely fustrating. I also didn't tell my parents everything. Because I felt that if I told them it would be like asking for charity and my M. had enough problems of her own with money. And it made me feel like a freeloader. I didn't want to freeload i wanted to take care of myself. The worst thing you can say to him right now is pray and have faith. I was like god obviously doesn't care or he would let me find a job and a day care and telling him god will give him the money for his needs not greeds isn't gong to help right now. He is looking at it as my need is a house. my need is a better job. my need is for my illness to go away. So in his eyes god isn't meeting his needs.

I got to the point I said forget god he doesn't exist or I wouldn't be going through this. I would not put up with this off of my husband so why would i put up with it off of god you can't see him and can't feel him and he sure isn't proving himself right now. And I did withdrawl from my church and have since quit going. Until he gives me a break and proves himself I won't step foot into a church. And I have gotten to the point some one saying have a blessed day annoys me. Or I will pray for you in my mind I am like why waste your time? But he also needs to realize his small blessings. They may not be as big as he needs them to be but they are still there. And when you take one step forward and 2 steps back it is easy to give up hope. Things are going better for me now but not easy.I still get fustrated easy and one bad thing that was to be severe would push me back into my depression. If he could have controlled his situation you do need to tell him that. how and why. But in like our case just to go into a few details a car catching fire suddenly with no warning wasn't something we could control and the water pump that went out didn't give a warning either. it overheated our motor and transmission and this was the car I bought to replace the car that burnt up. so in some cases it is doo doo happens. but in some cases we can change it and are responsible for our own actions. Not taking meds is making him responsible for his own actions. That makes his attitude go down and job performance and etc. which causes him to get fired and make less money. But when you are that overwhelmed it is hard to think reasonable. What he needs most from you is honesty. If his situation is a product of his own decisions tell him so. If its not help him find the resources to help him to the best of your ability. Now if his layoff was due to the economy and his car repossed because of it that is not fault of his own. If he was laid off due to not taking meds that is a fault of his own and he needs to be told that. He needs help finding resources to get back on his feet but he also has to try. he has to want to help himself.