My daughter who is now in second grade has always loved going to school. She has loved school so much that on the days when she was sick and I kept her home she would cry. Now suddenly after entering second grade she no longer wants to go to school. My daughter is not as perky and smiley when the day is over, she resists getting on the bus and if I join her for lunch at school she begs to come home. This is all new behavior for her and I am a bit perplexed. She has always loved everything about school so I am at a loss. There is nothing new at home, no changes, there are no new people in her life (other than the new teacher) the only thing different that I can figure out is her friends. Last year my daughter had 4 really close friends and this year those 4 are in the same class and she is in a different class. She is very familiar with many of the kids in her class this year, so I can't figure it out. I realize that another difference this year is that she has a male teacher for the first time, but all the kids love him. So I don't know what to do. I hate forcing her onto the bus in the morning and I miss the joyful smiles she used to have when returning from school. How do I help her? We have set up play dates already with the 4 good friends from last year and one of them even sent her a card in the mail with silly band to cheer her up. The card worked but we got it over the weekend and heading back to school after the long weekend, the hype of the card had worn off. Any advice is welcome.
Thank you to every one who responded! I guess I do just have to sit back, be supportive and let her work it out. I guess as parents our first reaction is to swoop in and "fix it". To answer a few questions, yes I am a stay at home mom and having lunch at school with your child is very common in our area. Each time I go to school to surprise my daughter at lunch, their are a handful of other parents there doing the same. So it is not as unusual as you may think. My daughter loves to have me there for lunch and asks me every day to join her. At her school "mom" is not embarrassing (Yet), other kids always comment that they wish their moms could come too. Plus this is not something new, I have been randomly surprising her at school for lunch l since she was in kindergarten and she has never before asked to come home. Yesterday was our first "Good Day" at school, so I am excited that we may be back on track. She was full of information about yesterdays events and easily got on the bus this morning. I believe that she got some attention from the teacher yesterday that made her feel important, she got some tests back that were 100%, and her small group from "morning work" stuck together at lunch and recess. Plus her other friends (from last year) came to visit her for a few minutes in her class prior to school starting. So I am hopeful that we will again have smooth sailing. Thank you all for your words of wisdom, some times it helps to know you are not alone. :)
Ask her why she hates school. Ask her what would make it better. Does she have any real friends in this class? Does she eat lunch with anyone? Is the male teacher overbearing? Can last year's teacher come in and say Hi one day next week?
I assume she will get back to her normal self once this school year is in full swing. Everything is new, new kids, new rules, new teacher, maybe a couple new teachers. Give her time.
Is it possible that she is being bullied? Try to talk to her about that if any of the kids are being mean. Also call the teacher and or principle, maybe they can keep an eye on her and give you some insight if she doesn't let on to you. She could also be seen by the school counselor or psychologist, she maybe will more likely to open up to them.
You didn't mention ever asking your daughter why she doesn't want to go to school? If she's unable to give you a specific reason, you may want to ask her guiding questions such as how does she like her new teacher, who is her best friend in class, etc. You may be able to find out the real reason and go from there.
2d grade really starts to hit real school work unlike K and 1st. She may just not like the change. She may also be very sad that her friends are in a different class together, maybe she feels left out. Whatever it is, you do want to get to the bottom of it. I would start with her teacher and be really upfront with him on what you are seeing at home. He may have some insight or may be able to give her a bit more direction during the school day that can help. If he is not receptive to helping work out a solution or at least offer ideas you may have found your problem. I would maybe see about changing classes before you get to far into the school year.
Good luck to you!
in addition to the other good responses here, in 2nd grade, the class lessons and routines and 'expectations' of the children, can be more.... expectant. ie: the kids are older and in 2nd grade, at least in my Daughter's school... class work and lessons are stepped up a notch. Then in 3rd grade... as my daughter's Teacher said, it is then regarded as secondary schooling... not 'primary' schooling. So class lessons and what is taught to them, can be a tad more complex.
Maybe, your girl is still transitioning to it all... because it is a lot to get used to.
But, simply ASK your daughter... why she does not like school now. Just in a casual open sort of way. Without lecturing. See what she says or feels.... about it.
You can ALSO talk with the Teacher about it. This is not unusual. See what the Teacher thinks.
all the best,
Susan
.
M-
Talk to your daughter's teacher. There can be so many reasons for her unhappiness. First you want to rule out bullying. Then you need to address the relationship between your daughter and her teacher. Not everyone clicks. Perhaps, he speaks in a stern tone that makes him seem unapproachable to your daughter.
I would also include the school counselor. My 3rd grade son changed schools over a year ago and he still doesn't like his new school. The school is aware of this and his teachers and counselor work at helping him fit in.
Good luck.
~K.
OH I cannot believe someone suggested you get her switched to another class. I completely disagree. It is hard to watch our children when they are out of their normal social group, and they are sad. My son had this problem in second grade. It did take a few weeks, but he made new friends. This is one of those difficult, but character building experiences. Definitely schedule playdates with both new and old friends. Keep the lines of communication open daily just in case there is another issue at hand. I would continue to stay positive and try not to feed the issue by making her feel YOU think it is a bad situation at all. Tell her times that were difficult for you in your school years and how you made the best of it. Best of luck, hang in there. I be things will be different in a few weeks. It not, talk to guidance and her teacher about these issues.
IDK, but my second grade son is not as "enthusiastic" this year and this tear he has several good buddies in his class, and last year--none. But he made a lot of new friends last year so it was a good thing, too.
My son has been doing a lot of whining, complaining & stalling in the mornings. I think it's just an end-of-summer-bummer thing in his case. I think they'll get to the routine soon. Hang in there.
Can I ask why you'd be joining her for lunch at school? I think that any kid would want to come home if mom was there, even if they were having a great day. Do other moms go in for lunch too?
Anyway, I would ask her to remember one good thing about each day that you can talk about on the way home. As for getting on the bus, I would support her, but minimize the carrying-on as much as possible. A lot of "I know you don't want to go, but you're going to have a great day. Now please put on your shoes... Yes, I know it's hard. Brush your hair."
She'll in all likelihood be totally fine, and is probably a) getting herself into a rut and b) playing you a bit for some extra attention. I bet if she can get as much attention for telling you all about her great day and new friends, she'll slip into that mode soon.
Good luck.
I would just give a couple of weeks. I'm sure she's sad about her friends in the other class...do not ask her to be moved though, not to sound harsh, but as life goes on we can't keeping "fixing" things for our kids. They have to learn to make the most out of a bad situation, even in 2nd grade. The reality is that sometimes you don't know anyone in your class and that happens from K all the way to college, you have to get used to it. Think of kids that move and have know no one in their class, at least she has friends to have playdates with outside of school. And I am curious about you lunching with her...we have that the first two days of school for our K and 1st grades (and it's more to just help the kids thru the lunch line). I would think it would be bad for kids to have their parents there beyond that...who wouldn't want to go home mid-day? Maybe make other special time with her, like a special after-school snack that you guys can share and talk about her day. If it continues for more than two weeks, contact the teacher to see if what his observations are. I'm sure she will be fine though, good luck!
I would focus on setting up playdates with NEW friends and work on that angle.
I think it probably has a lot to do with not having her 4 friends in the same class...she probably misses them and is bummed that they all get to be together and she is left out! What about setting up some play dates with some girls from her new class? I bet as soon as she develops a new friendship(s) she will be back to her cheery self!
Hi, Mom:
Sounds like your daughter is being bullied.
Sit down with her and ask her these questions:
What happened on the bus, in classes, what did the teacher say or
do?
What did you think when you realized what had happened?
What impact has this incident had on you and others?
What has been the hardest thing for you?
What do you think needs to happen to make things right?
There is a book: "No Room for Bullies," by Editors, Jose Bolton et al.
Good luck. D.
Ask her why she doesn't want to go to school. When she gets home ask her what happened todsy. You may get her to talk.
Ask her teacher. Tell her teacher about the difference in your daughter's attitude. The teacher may have some ideas or at least can keep an eye on things and then get back to you. Once you find out why, you can take action.
Good luck to you and yours.
Please, call the school and be your daughter's advocate. Have her class switched immediately to other class with her friends. Socialization is a very important part of school. Explain to the principal that your daughter has changed and is having worrysome behavior. Do not let up! Insist that she be moved. This is your daughter, you know what's best. If she's always loved school and now she hates it then put her back in a situation where she can love it again, for your daughter's sake.
Switching classes would just teach her a lesson that she can get what she wants by negative actions.
She will make new friends soon enough. My daughter had the same problem in 2nd grade, male teacher, little friends in the class...etc... she found a new friend, who introduced her to another girl, and so on and so on... she ended up being closer with those friends then the ones from the year before...
besides, when she gets older and has to deal with high school classes, college classes, and eventually a job... she will have no choice but to make friends in new places... not that many people get relocated at work for social reasons.
My daughters school has a "come whenever you want" policy, but I have never just popped in to have lunch with her... lunch time is THE most social time of the day, why take that away from her... and what kids are making fun of her for sitting with her mom at lunch.... kids can be cruel at that age...I know you love her, but help her develop social skills without being overbearing. (not being judgemental, just thinking about what could possibly be happening at school)
Best of luck to your little one!
My daughter was the same way in 2nd grade. Are you a SAHM? The school counselor seemed to notice that it was harder on those kids. They get over it after a couple of weeks. BUT... after winter break, it starts again. They have a really hard time leaving their moms. By third grade it is not as bad.
My daughter was in third grade last year and really struggled socially. Please contact her teacher and the school counselor. They were so helpful with ideas for in and out of school. The counselor was also a huge help on mornings she was refusing to go to school...I would walk her to counselor who got her to class...sometimes after a tearfilled morning...HUGE help!
I would discourage you from demanding the school change her class...let them know what you are seeing and your concerns and ask what they would suggest. This is their job. Good luck...this is so tough! I was in tears last year as we went through it!
