How to Handle Too Many Party Invites a Year

Take a new job in a different state and move? I think it's ok to not be able to make it sometimes...I would send a gift instead.

I would let them know what you told us about having a hard time attending each and every invite, so to make it fair you will attend the milestone birthday parties and then follow through on that. I would think 1st, 10th, 13th, 16th, 21st, 30th, etc. would be enough.

I'm guessing that others in your family are feeling the same strain. I'm one of 16 grandchildren, and 10 of us (between two families) were born in a 7 year span, then there was a group of 5 more over 3 years, then my youngest cousin was years later. So the birthday parties really got out of had when we were younger. Finally my mom and my aunt talked to each other about how insane this was and we cut way back. Most parties became friends-only after a certain age anyway, but if there was a special age or event, we would piggy-back that onto the nearest holiday.

We've done this now that I'm one of the adults. My step-daughter, sister and niece have birthdays in November, so we celebrate those at Thanksgiving. My mom's December birthday gets covered at Christmas. My son and brother are in January, so we usually fit in a family dinner for them sometime that month. My other boys are in March, so we cover with St. Patrick's Day or Easter. Mine goes with Mother's Day, my dad's with Memorial Day, my ex with Labor Day, etc. It's a nice way to make sure that birthdays get celebrated without taking too much time out of everyone's schedule. I used to think that the adult birthday cakes were a bit much and unnecessary, but we had several deaths in the family in a short span of time and in many cases, the photos of each person blowing out the candles of their obligatory birthday cake at my parents' house were some of the only photos of them as adults and might have been the only time each year that they got to be the guest of honor. So I value that tradition more now.

In your shoes - I'd get comfortable with looking like bad apples.
Set a limit - just so many parties per month - and when your calendar hits the limit - decline all further invitations until next month.
You've got to make this sane enough for you to live with.
If the rest of the family can't deal with that - so sad too bad for them.
I can almost guarantee there are other family members that are having these same thoughts.
Set a trend - others will follow.

I agree with picking special years. I think the first birthday is special as a way to honor the family and child's first year. The child will not know if you went to their 2nd or 3rd bday. Maybe go again for 5th bday. That way if a family has 3 kids, you could be going every year (or more//less as your schedule allows), yet not 5 times a year for a family of 5.

Is there an age your family stops the whole dam gatherings? Maybe age 9 or so?

An invitation is not a court summons. It is okay to decline an invitation for any reason. You could be busy, or you could simply not want to do it. Both are valid. Remember too that 'No, thank you' is a complete answer and you are under no obligation to justify it with an explanation. For child family members, I send a gift. For adults, a card.

I don't understand why you think you 'look like the bad apples'. Most people are not looking at you or thinking anything. The few that do are not the type one likes to keep company with, even if they are related to you. If your family is difficult in this way, you might want to consider putting up more boundaries to foster a more 'mind your own business' atmosphere. I have a couple relatives who 'keep score' and I don't play that game, so they can jump a cliff. ;-)

You have to decide what works for you and your family. Send friendly regards, and then, let it go.

I would go to the kid's parties, if you can. Keep your gifting small and simple because there are so many in your family, and because you don't need to contribute to the scale of things getting out of hand. If you already have something on your calendar by the time you are given notice of a birthday party date, don't feel bad to politely decline. I would send or drop by a small token gift with your regrets and well wishes, unless it's a very distant relative you hardly know. It's not rude to honor your commitments. With so many parties and people, it's ridiculous for anyone to expect everyone invited always attends. I'd feel less inclined to make as much of an effort for an adult's birthday party that they are throwing for themselves. If it's more of an excuse to get together and have fun, gifts were optional or not expected, I'd go to enjoy the company. If it was some elaborate deal and guests were expected to chip in at a fancy restaurant or some such thing, I'd decline unless I was particularly close to the person and the expense would not be a burden or cause resentment.

Don't worry what others think. RSVP honestly and promptly. It will go over better if, as soon as you get an invitation, you respond immediately with a phone call saying I'm sorry, we have another commitment, we can't make it.

If you wait until the minute to let them know you won't be there or, even worse, let them assume you'll be there and then don't show up, then they can rightly consider you to be rude.

If pushed, respond with "We already committed to something else. Although we hate to miss Joey's party, I'm sure you understand that it would be rude to back on out someone who is already counting on us."

what's bad about having other plans?
i know that a few family members have sniffed privately about us for not attending all kid (and adult) parties, but that's okay. other folks can get their noses out of joint for whatever reasons they choose.
and i get to choose what i and my family attend.
a big smile and a courteous, 'i'm sure you're going to have a blast! we won't be able to make this one, but we'll be thinking about you!' and a card in the mail are all that's required.
khairete
S.

we just stopped showing up. then mil got tired of hosting and did 2 a year.. first 6 month and last 6 months. gifts optional.
now things are simplified and theres not a constant invite for the next persons party.

I have a large family as well. We try to combine birthdays/parties. For example, my daughter is turning 6 in January and my brother is turning 26. We are doing a lunch or dinner at the end of January for the both of them.
Maybe suggest combining parties?
Also...my children never do sleepovers. I don't like them and my kids have never asked. So while that may work for YOU, it may not work for other members of your family.
Who said birthday parties have to be huge and a lot of work with a lot of food?
Not this mom. We just invite people over, have snacks and a cake, kids run around and play, adults chat and joke about life. Easy peasy.
As for missing parties? I miss a lot of family get togethers because of my work schedule. My brother also misses some because of his work. My other brother's girls miss some parties because they are with their mom. It just happens. Not the end of the world and I would never look at you as a bad apple.
Just because you are an adult doesn't mean you can't have a party! And by party I just mean people coming over and hanging out.
Maybe you are just doing it wrong. lol

I wish I had that problem. I am going to move to a livelier senior center in order to boost my social life.

I could not invite the whole family over and not feed them. That's just not me, but since we are done with kid parties my kids dont get gifts from aunts and uncles anymore unless they have a child the same age they want to buy for. There are two we still trade with without the parties. Honestly we don't want to go to all these parties but don't know how to get out of them sometimes. Our family is huge enough but when the orher sides are invited too it's a lot for us.

I don't understand why it looks bad for you to be unable to attend a party if it conflicts with plans you made before you were even invited?? Is that a feeling you have about how you're perceived by your family, or has someone actually said that to you? If the former, stop thinking that way. You are in no way obligated to keep your schedule clear at all times just in case you get invited to a cousin or niece's birthday party. If the latter, don't let anyone guilt you. Family is really good at that, I know, but they should not make you feel bad for having a life. And you know what, you don't owe anyone explanations either. "I'm so sorry but we've got plans already at that time. Happy birthday to Sam, hope he has a fun party!" That's it.
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You do not have to attend every event. If you can afford it simply send a gift with an apology for missing the event, if not then no gift is necessary, just warm wishes for a wonderful event and apologies for missing.

Just say "no"

No one is forcing you to get gifts and go to the parties. You don't owe anyone any explanations. Just learn to say no.