How to Handle Too Many Changes for a 2-Year-old

Updated on September 06, 2006
K.K. asks from Minneapolis, MN
8 answers

I have a son who is nearly 28 months old. After 2 years of a regular routine lifestyle we are suddenly going through LOTS of change. Other than having a baby, none of the changes below were expected. Does anyone have advice to help him through all these changes?

The Changes:
1. I had a baby in mid-July.
2. His nanny who he has known his whole life left to pursue another career in mid-July.
3. I went on maternity leave and my husband was able to stay home longer than expected -3 weeks. Although my son loved to have both my husband and me home, I know it was confusing for him.
4. My husband went back to work. This caused several days of tantrums.

Upcoming changes in next couple of weeks:
1. We have hired a new nanny who starts in mid-September.
2. My son starts 3 days in the toddler room ("pre-preschool") shortly after the nanny starts. He has never been to daycare before.
3. We just bought a new house and we're packing up our house! This alone is causing him to get upset, especially if he sees us pack anything of his.
4. We move out of our house in a few weeks.
5. I go back to work in the beginning of October.

Any advice you may have to make this situation easier is greatly appreciated.

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J.C.

answers from Minneapolis on

That is a lot of change for a little guy but remember they are resilient. We went through a few big changes when my daughter was 23 months old (new baby, new house) and at times I felt she was stressed. I tried my best to keep her from seeing ME get stressed because kids often pick up on our emotions. My advice - lots of reassurance ('talk up' the things you think he'll be leary of), one on one time w/ mom and/or dad every day, and just take it one day at a time. Good luck! Sounds like the next few months will be busy for your family but it also sounds like you've got everything under control. It will be fine!

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B.H.

answers from Minneapolis on

That is ALOT of changes wow! I would try and keep familiar items around him maybe pack his room last. I would communicate over and over with him what is going to happen and what is gonna change they understand alot more than we think sometimes. Have excitement with all the changes may help too. You may have a couple hard weeks but after all the changes are done I bet he's back to normal in a week or two. I'm a single mother and have had many many changes we've lived 6 differnt places in only 5yrs. She's had her dad in her life/out of her life and I could go on and on and on. My daughter has had her hard times and tantrums but kids accept changes fairly fast before they know it it's comfortable to them.

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S.

answers from Minneapolis on

Hi K.,
We had a similar experience 2 years ago, now our girls are 2 and 4, both are happy, healthy and delightful. You will all get through this tough time. I thought of 2 things that may be helpful for you to think about. First, are there a few things you can do each day to bring back pieces of the routine that your child was accustomed to; Good Night Moon book at night, dolls, same meals, same songs, or daily trip to the park. Second, there are books on moving, the new baby, school, and mommy at work, which may be helpful for you and your child to read together. When my second child was born it took our daughter a few months to accept that she had a little sister, she was hot and cold with the whole concept. Be patient and good to yourself, when you're calm and understanding with your self that will transfer to your children.
Peace,
S. Nicoloff

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R.S.

answers from Sheboygan on

Hi K.-
I agree that this is a lot changes going on for ALL of you. I agree with what people wrote. I guess from a counseling stand point, just let him feel in charge in many of the changes that happening. I know that sometimes that is hard, but on the day of pre-school let him pick something to take (snack, toy, clothes, etc). Ask him to pack something, or help paint his room if it needs painting (give him water and a brush).
Just basically give him TONS of love and support through all of the changes. you made the right first step in understanding that these are big changes for him. Understand also when he acts out that he may just trying to adjust. When things settle down remind him what a great helper he is with his sister, and the move, etc.
Hope it helps.
R.

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C.O.

answers from Milwaukee on

That IS a lot of change, especially for a 2 year old. I guess the only aspects you may be able to change are:
1. when you go back to work
2. when your new nanny begins full time
3. when your son begins daycare
If you could stagger these events by a few weeks, it would be less stressful for the little guy. If none of these things are feasable, then I say, you and your husband need to spend quality one on one time with him whenever possible and reassure him that you two aren't going anywhere. Does he have something that's familiar to him he could get comfort from? A favorite stuffed animal or blankie? Try not to pack special things of his until you're ready to move. Get him involved in helping. Being a "big boy" and doing "chores" can make him feel important in the family. Be prepared for things to be rocky until probably Thankgiving time with him...tantrums, poor sleeping, reverting to more of a "baby". I hope it all works out for you. Worse comes to worse, just remember, this too shall pass!!
Good luck!
C.

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L.F.

answers from Minneapolis on

Lots of changes.

1) Offer lots of choices, and other ways for him to experience some sense of control.
2) Make sure you are managing your own stress. That is probably the most important thing you can do, and the thing you have the most control over.
3) Now more than ever, he needs to hear lots of positives.
4) Know that regression is normal, and at the same time, you want to continue to stay consistent on accountability (sometimes guilt can cause you to get off track).
5) Loved all the other suggestions about introducing the changes to him.
6) Give him positives for managing change.

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J.G.

answers from St. Cloud on

To start off, that is definately a lot for ANYONE to go through!
Has he seen your new home? If not, it may ne a good idea to go and show him where his new room will be (or even let him pick a room). When you are packing, give him a box all of his own and tell him to pack up some toys or something. Don't be alarmed if he does more unpacking than packing...that is sort of the point! It's just a way to keep him busy each day until you actually are moving. Let him pack and unpack that one box as many times as he desires. Then on moving day, let him hold the box shut while you tape it and tell him he can carry it with to the new place. He will probably like that, since it's HIS stuff. Then he will have some toys right with him as you arrive and begin the unloading and UNpacking.
For the pre-school thing. It may be good to find some books or videos from your local library about starting school. You and him could talk about it each day until it begins. Let him open up about his fears over it too.
Wish you luck, didn't mean to write a book.

~J.~

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J.R.

answers from Minneapolis on

I would say to try and make everything exciting for him. Show him pictures of your new house and tell him how you are going to decorate his room. Maybe go and buy part of a new theme for his new room so he can get to know what it's like (animals or pillows or something). Tell him about your new nanny and maybe even have a picture of her to look at so he can get used to her. You could also ask her to take him to the park one day or have her join you for dinner so they can spend some time together.
As far as his Dad going back to work I would just tell him that Daddy was on vacation and got to spend some time with us but now he has to work just like he used to. Maybe have Daddy call him during the day or, back to the pictures. Give him a pic of Daddy to carry around with him.
With the daycare thing I would just tell him that he "gets" to go to school for a few days a week now because he's a big boy and that "only big kids get to go and not the baby". That will make it something special for him because he's bigger.
Good luck with all your changes and congrats on the new baby. Just try and make everything seem like it's something to be excited about but be sure to give him visual helpers.
J.

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